Is this some type of disorder ?

[Loveriver]

I've been thinking about my childhood and life up to now. I remember when I was a kid i lived in my own world and didn't really like company. I did have friends but they could exhaust me. I think I was popular in primary school. I've always been obsessed with things though like I could never stop thinking about anything that happened in school. As I got older I was the same and about 20 started on anti depressants which helped. When I come off them it's awful. Endless tears, obsessions, worries. I was always terrified of relationships and people talking about me. Is this just plain old depression and anxiety ?

😁

No.

It just sounds like being introverted to me but you could look for a screener for OCD or autism, and speak to your GP?

Or maybe get some therapy? It sounds like you like being around people but maybe need to develop strategies to decompress at the end of the day. You could look at ways to support yourself with this and why it felt safer to live in your own world when you were younger. Good luck OP!

I have spoken to a therapist but it's so expensive !! I'll be waiting a long time on the NHS. I mean I function well enough but I always feel something is missing if that makes sense.

It's so frustrating that it is so difficult to access therapy. Have you tried Mind? I don't know what their criteria is but that they do offer quite long term work. In the meantime I would suggest writing down how you feel, or artwork, or anything you are drawn to really. Also when you need space alone, don't judge yourself for that, we all need periods of connection and also time on our own and this will vary for all of us. Just go easy on yourself.

I also don't seem to have long term friendships.

It sounds like it could be autism. I say that as someone who had similar struggles to you before they were diagnosed.

Could be a combination of things. My first thought is that you're introverted. I find social situations exhaust me. Introverts get their energy from being alone or with only one or two other people they know and love, by contrast, extroverts get their energy from being around people. You definitely sound like you have anxiety, though. Do you lose interest in things quickly? Do you generally have a negative outlook on life? Do you generally think "What's the point in anything?" Because that would indicate depression.

I do try to be positive but it's not my natural way. I'm not a misery. Many people wouldn't know I have issues.

Were you like me ?

When were you diagnosed? Were you always the 'odd' kid? I always felt tolerated during school.

It could be something like a combination of being an introvert and social anxiety. Or, as @fieldsofbutterflies says, maybe look into the possibility of autism.

@Loveriver yeah, I was always the "odd kid" and the odd one out. I was diagnosed after a breakdown in my twenties.

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