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Original poster

Older men. Coping strategies. Much loved, long married.

20 replies

Papyrophile · 30/04/2024 20:29

I do understand the why's of my situation but I need a reminder why I still love the old bugger. He's my best chum, we laugh at the same jokes (repeatedly) we both adore our DC but this evening he's bitching about Spotify being dull -- and he has a headache, and it's rained for six weeks with very short stops of sun, and I am irritated by him being cross. And my very expensive glasses fell out of my pocket walking the dog in a downpour earlier so I need to replace them. I walked my route again (twice) and came home soaked to the skin without finding them. We're both nearer 70 than 60. Today has been crap. Just grumbling, really. Feel free to grumble with me!

OP posts:
passtheajax · 30/04/2024 21:20

He saves you the bother of having to go dating again? 😂

Mine's early 60s and sits with a rug over his knee, the cat on it and drinks tea and I'm nearly 10 years younger than him 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

magimedi · 30/04/2024 21:21

I am close to your age & we used to grumble. Now I grumble solo - enjoy the joint bickering while you still have it.

ssd · 30/04/2024 21:46

@magimedi Flowers

Rogerstreasures · 30/04/2024 21:50

Mine shouts at the tv, especially Greg Wallace. Has constant (imaginary) aches and pains and loves to talk about them to anyone who will listen. Leaves a trail of crap behind him whenever he does anything. Has an enormous appetite and always has his head in the fridge. He’s always on the last minute when he has to leave for an appointment etc. Does his best “Strictly” dance for me when he’s going into the kitchen and makes me laugh every single day.

mdinbc · 30/04/2024 22:01

Mine also yells at the TV, and is constantly asking me to pause it while he makes a sandwich, gets a glass of wine, goes to the loo 5 times....

But he also gets teary when babies smile at him, helps grandchildren do puzzles, plays endless rounds of catch with the dog...

My DF died at the age of 48, and my husband's DF died at the age of 40, so I am blessed to have my grumpy old codger with me, and hopefully for many years to come.

It's ok to have a rant!

Catico · 30/04/2024 22:07

This is a nice thread. I sometimes feel on MN that no one likes their husbands/partners. I have been married forever. I can be irritated by my husband but I know he is a better person than me. I think he is lovely, funny, intelligent and kind. Nothing is ever as bad if he is beside me. He makes me feel safe. He is my best friend. I tell him everything.
We are both old now and starting to feel it but because we have been together so long our memories are joint memories, our experiences are joint, we love the same people. I moan a lot more than he does.
A long happy marriage is the most comforting of relationships.

Joyfulincolour · 30/04/2024 22:08

Imagine you are sat on a bench. You look to the left and you see your husband sat next to you. How do you feel?

Now look to your right. He is not there. How does that make you feel?

I know it's a bit harsh, but I sometimes do this ^^ when I'm finding him to be a bit annoying. It helps 😊

Eyesopenwideawake · 30/04/2024 22:11

@Papyrophile Give him a hug, tell him you're a matching pair of grumps and go glasses shopping tomorrow. X

EarringsandLipstick · 30/04/2024 22:59

magimedi · 30/04/2024 21:21

I am close to your age & we used to grumble. Now I grumble solo - enjoy the joint bickering while you still have it.

Ah @magimedi 💔 that's very poignant. Hope you are doing ok

EarringsandLipstick · 30/04/2024 23:02

I like this thread. I'm a single parent, abusive ex. No relationship since marriage ended (no anything, dates, etc)

I often long for the banal & simple, the ordinariness of relationships, including the bickering.

Original poster
Papyrophile · 01/05/2024 09:30

Flowers @magimedi and many, many thanks to you all!

I do know that he's a good man and there would be a huge hole in my world if he were to vanish. I thought it had happened once, and that was a black day.

And this morning, he brought tea and it's not raining. Peace and goodwill restored.

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 01/05/2024 09:53

Mine had a mental health crisis a couple of years ago, I really thought he would take his own life.
But he didn't, and every time time I come home I get a little excited that he is in. We laugh together and moan together; he will stop whatever he is doing to hug me if I am sad. And sometimes drives me mad, but I wouldn't be without him.

ManonDe · 01/05/2024 09:59

Mine is 70 and I am 50. He is a grumpy bugger and stubborn to boot. He moans about drivers, our neighbour, Gregg Wallace as well, our neighbour, people who don't indicate at roundabouts, our neighbour.

We have a problem with our neighbour sure, but 50% of it is due to DH being a grumpy arse as well.

But he has had health scares recently and I think is starting to show signs of dementia and I am terrified of losing him.

CrispEater2000 · 01/05/2024 10:06

passtheajax · 30/04/2024 21:20

He saves you the bother of having to go dating again? 😂

Mine's early 60s and sits with a rug over his knee, the cat on it and drinks tea and I'm nearly 10 years younger than him 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

To be fair I'm early 40s and that sounds like a good night in to me.

thebabessavedme · 01/05/2024 10:08

I heard my elderly parents talking las week, they generally moan, bicker, moan a bit more Grin my mum was looking rather fragile, my dad said, quietly, 'are you alright darling?' my mum just looked at him and said 'always, so long as you are by my side' After nearly 70 years together.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 01/05/2024 10:08

Rogerstreasures · 30/04/2024 21:50

Mine shouts at the tv, especially Greg Wallace. Has constant (imaginary) aches and pains and loves to talk about them to anyone who will listen. Leaves a trail of crap behind him whenever he does anything. Has an enormous appetite and always has his head in the fridge. He’s always on the last minute when he has to leave for an appointment etc. Does his best “Strictly” dance for me when he’s going into the kitchen and makes me laugh every single day.

I think you'll find that's Gregg Wallace.

Older men. Coping strategies. Much loved, long married.
BarrelOfOtters · 01/05/2024 10:12

Mine is mid-50s, has a cold so is wearing dressing gown of doom, doing 'the voice' and snored so badly last night the dog went downstairs.

When he doesn't have a cold he grumbles about his allergies all the time, chunters about poor driving and doesn't make dinner half as often as he thinks he does.

I sometimes think about digging up the patio....but then he's house trained and it means I don't have to go dating again. And the dog loves him.

.

mumonthehill · 01/05/2024 10:20

Dh 57 falls asleep at the drop of a hat and seems to have started making lots of noise swallowing. I obviously love him but by god it irritates me.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 01/05/2024 10:24

We have been married for over 40 years. I suspect it's my husband who needs the coping strategies more than me. The only drawback to a long, happy marriage is the huge hole it leaves when one spouse dies, as happened to my mother last year.

DrJonesIpresume · 01/05/2024 12:48

Mine will be 70 quite soon. He can be a serious grumbler, and I just call him 'Victor Meldrew' when he starts going on, and that tends to get him to shut up a bit. Either that, or I go out and leave him to it. 😂

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