Save me from insanity and these bastarding house flies!

[BlueMoanday]

It's a sunny day - the first of the year (in the North anyway) so I have opened the kitchen door to let in all the delightful fresh air.
Instead it has let in every buzzing fly in the whole bastarding Nation. They fly round the house skimming my head, buzzing in my ear and then go to headbut the window continuously buzzing.
The moment I stand up to splat them they feck off and buzz round and round the room again. (Did I mention the buzzing?)
One just landed on my arm as I was typing! (FUCK OFF!)
What can I do? Has ANYONE found a fly deterrent that works - or a fly killer that kills them rather than giving them a laugh and using electricity to make a crap blue light? I have tried all the hippy beaded curtains, flappy plastic that gets caught in the door and anyone going past and mesh flappy things, blue electric lights, fly paper puke they still pour in through the door to torment me while I am working.
Oh and now the bastarding neighbour has started strimming everything to add to the general buzz.
Obviously we don't have a dead sheep carcass outside the back door or rotting food / anything smelly lying around in the kitchen either. Help!

No advice but I feel your pain! That infernal directionless humming noise gives me the rage.

Mix this with water in a container and put it outside, it attracts the flies, they die. Ideally use a tall container that has a small opening and only half fill it so animals can't drink from it, it will kill anything that touches it
https://amzn.eu/d/0fNMYw6

Metal chain link door curtain. Helps!

I hate them too and they come in my house as soon as I dare to have doors and windows open. Interestingly I have found the great big heavy looking ones have a brain! If you open a window or door near them and whoosh them in the general direction they go back out! Guaranteed - I have tried it loads of times. But the normal smaller housefly, not so much. Sometimes they succumb to my fly squatter device. The fly gun!
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Unknown-Amazing-Fly-Gun-The/dp/B000GB7AMO
I bought one about 10 years ago and they really work. I don't think the fly can feel the air being pushed towards them as the squat thing is slatted. The fly doesn't even get squashed!
If you want zero flies coming in I recommend an aluminium fly screen or a fly door thing that you can put up with magnetic strips (I have never tried these).
I know what you mean about the ones that fly round and round and never land - bit more of a challenge! Only stopping them coming in will sort them out!

T ZERO IN FLY MAX Fly Trap Pack of 2 : Amazon.co.uk: Garden

These are brilliant, you put them outside and all the flies go in them instead of your house. A word of warning though, wrap them in parcel tape or something as otherwise you have to look at lots of flies in there

We have a magnetic mesh screen on the back door, it's been great. So much so we're getting them for the windows when they've been replaced (i have an autistic child who is terrified of flies!)

Red Top Fly Catcher is what you need. In my chicken keeping years, it was the only thing that actually worked. https://www.redtopflycatcher.co.uk/

”bastarding neighbour”, you post made me laugh today, thanks for that!

Thank you thank you! Loads of things to try.
@SprainedBum What type of mesh thing do you use? Do you have a link please?

@mrsrobin I am definitely getting a fly gun!

@OldieButBaddie I think I'd like to see how many of the bastards haven't made it into my house!!

Also try some carnivorous plants.

Either Nepenthes, also called Monkey Cups, or Sarracenia, the pitcher plant.

The Executioner Fly Killer Mosquito Swatter Racket Wasp Bug Zapper Indoor Outdoor Over 50cm Long amzn.eu/d/3BmIFo0. Works but can get addictive.

I got one of these : https://www.amazon.co.uk/Buzbug-Electric-Foldable-Mosquito-Rechargeable/dp/B09VZ8G19J/ref=sr_1_5?crid=2REBVWNJY2CVP&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.6Ot3LUFHDp6tqzfZXRFuPWcmobLdmpZFXX-wf-fTPm2VrcYJZMpt-GymRnNF0EFX5RQ-DpySgl3g43vb57nikK3BHHwF2d76nJHzVscwBFhcHUmciqDB_I8n1Q1mUWB5VzOZ4rhznk_j_WI0-oypE-EhL7P7z9yYqSkZaJWaKZYJSJ58chR1dxloYy2f9uidWQHrp0z2UBplK0WneE5Agb9qG3EpvA1mxYRY8Ww2bMjMridnIosZvCM0YYyoC8zyZeDaTJOnu6hQlpZK7qvaX07odrcHhxyEaL6yUTwUURM.ydvEa4HX9hkjsk2r5BzqLSiED8WS8Ogl7ikY6vZV58I&dib_tag=se&keywords=Tennis+bad+fly+zapper&qid=1714492848&sprefix=tennis+bad+fly+zapper%2Caps%2C92&sr=8-5

When you zap a fly it gives a very satisfying noise, bit like a death knell in flyworld and a singed fly smell momentarily. My reflexes were shit though so I missed more than I got.

According to my amazon history, this is what I bought in March 2022. Its been up ever since, never had to adjust or replace it - it has velcro that you stick around the outside of the door frame, then you velcro the fly screen onto that. It's been out there pretty exposed to the elements (the rain comes straight in the back door if it's open!) for over 2 years now and regularly has my 5 year old pulling on it 🙄 but its still standing strong. It's a bit ripped in the bottom corner but that's because twat-dog scratches at the door to come back in if the door is closed and I've forgotten he's out there in the pissing rain

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Yotache-Magnetic-Screen-Reinforced-Fiberglass/dp/B08T94ZQJF/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_sspa?crid=IGXGXO1FNRFV&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.2OHMwQdWzor6kDD3LhWbCUt_QBAxbbXuTDxdNyKgEZ93PlOYlJ_rjHVOzPTBoXux_vmZGlF5D-ukDevFV5h8UA9mWBjSllW_2FEsrEseek0zjm-dk_-eMnvakfHEaqNZ1ZskSw50AWsxHbbh24oHxiVnuAUNzAK0YB5cW_5MH4zajUJedGap30-qwtrascgLfSBgdcXL5ZPM_dFFAWg57g.wjO77POzj9uzX2pI_NB1Dv6oiDla2F9Dk4opN8T1Fj8&dib_tag=se&keywords=yotache+magnetic+screen+door&qid=1714493269&sprefix=yotache+%2Caps%2C495&sr=8-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1

@SprainedBum fabulous!
Snorting at twat-dog 😁

@Elsewhere123 @EatCrow Thanks for the links - I have a similar one. Nearly broken the lampshade with it!
I like the recharable ones
@TonTonMacoute yes to pitcher plants etc- more of a slow burn - I had some, they died (of course they did). I will try again though.

I light a citronella tea light on each side by the back door.it definitely cuts them down.

Hang a clear plastic bag of water with a scrunched up ball of tinfoil in by the open door. Don't know how it works but it seems to!

I have a mesh door thing, it's lasted 2 years so far and that's with dogs coming in and out every 2 seconds, and I got those plug in bug stoppers as well (also seems to have stopped spiders).

Citronella candles work for me too - but you have to burn quite a lot so the scent is really strong otherwise it doesn't work. Luckily I quite like the smell of it. Don't put them right by the window - if they do come in, they'll retreat deeper into your house to escape the smell.

I also do the shooing/shepherding technique with the big ones. Dd and I are pretty good at it

I have a mesh door screen for patio doors too. I chose the white colour as it's less able to be seen. There are many sellers of these on Amazon. Reasonable prices too

I also own 'the executioner' , a battery operated tennis racket shaped fly swat that allows me to channel Rafael Nadal while.committing fly murder.

Very satisfying.

I also have a mesh with magnets for the back door.

But in the height of summer of often resort to those absolutely awful sticky things that dangle from the ceiling. And a fly swat