NC for this.
I feel like I've hit rock bottom, mentally, financially, physically, emotionally and literally can't believe my life is where it is. Has anyone been through really shit times and got some inspiration / light they can shine to help me see a way through. I just need something to give me a lift right now and give me some bloody hope.
For context, left a good career and happy life in my early twenties as was lovebombed and fell for someone who turned out to be very unhealthy. Was pregnant within months etc.
Long story short after a few years I got myself and my child out of that situation, was completely emotionally and financially broken but with the will of wanting to build a good life for my young child mustered on. I did court etc, and it was the worst thing I've ever been through - to be vulnerable about my experience of the relationship, to not be believed. I lost all faith in the justice system, CAFCASS, the lot.
For the last year I've been in a good place. Money not amazing, but I could pay the bills just about (sometimes a juggle). Met someone new and had taken things very slow but we became more serious, which was nice to finally trust someone again. My work life was difficult - single mum doing school runs etc - so I have been juggling three part time jobs. But I was making it work.
Then last month my partner left me out of the blue, one of my jobs fell through, a close family member died. I just feel like, life doesn't get better. It's shit. I can barely afford to live and frequently skip meals - but my child always eats.
I feel like I have been trying and trying for YEARS but I just keep getting kicked down, and I don't know how many times I've got in me to keep standing back up.
I am smart, well educated, and would love to get a interesting well paid job and get some real financial stability. But there's no jobs for me where I live bar cleaning on a low wage. I just feel like I'm so stuck. I live in a rural area and we have a prohibited steps order in place - his dad made sure in court that was there.
I've taken my car off the road as I can't afford to pay my insurance. I tell people I'm doing it for fitness as I'm literally running miles everyday to get around. It's not for fitness. I just have no other option.
I'm so tired and I feel so broken and I feel like my child deserves better as there must be something wrong with me for everything to be going so wrong over and over again.