Friendship issues and potential ASD

[OakElmAsh]

DS8 has a friend in his class that he has been great friends with since reception. However this year his friend has been harsh with him, making fun of him a lot, getting very competitive with him in sports, and DS isn't very thick skinned and is finding this hard. It seems to be "banter" taken a bit too far in the ways kids that age sometimes struggle to understand, but the result is DS doesn't really want spend as much time with this kid as he used to. And I am happy to facilitate him spending time with different kids and reducing how much he sees him (small school in a village though, so he will have to deal with him through year 6 anyway, another 2 years). DS doesn't want this spoken about with the school.

But.... I also know this kid is being assessed for ASD, and I don't think there's any real malice in what he's doing, he's just not getting how hurtful he is being, and how this could impact his friendship. But the ASD assessment isn't something I can tell DS

I'm just a bit torn between helping DS distance himself from a kid who's not being very kind to him at the minute, and feeling that we could or should extend him some grace. But I'm not sure how to approach that either

Would love to hear from anyone who's had similar experiences from either side of this

I think friendships at that age change a lot anyway, so it's fine for your ds to spend less time with his friend, and more time with others.

As for the ASD thing, you don't need to tell him that. What you can do, is to encourage your ds to explain to his friend how his behaviour is making him feel. My opinion is that his friend's behaviour is less an ASD thing, and more a personality thing. If the friend modifies his behaviour once he knows how it's making your ds feel, then great. If not, ds can distance himself a little, and if asked why, can tell his friend the truth. I say all this as a mother of two ASD children of similar ages in mainstream school, both of whom are extremely sensitive, and understanding of the potential impact of their behaviour on others.

I've been working with DS to try and help him say to this kid how his words/actions make him feel, but he cannot fathom actually saying the words to him

I do think you could be right that it's personality rather than anything ASD-related... and I also think he will grow out of it... It feels like typical small-boy-trying-to-act-like-a-tough-guy. But maybe it will take an impact to his friendships for that to happen

Are you friends with the other parents? Could you tell the mum ask her to explain to her kid how yours is feeling? Or explain to the class teacher.

As a parent of an autistic kid who has been dropped by all his friends I would want to know so I could help my son understand what he's doing that's pushing people away. He's given up on friendships now as he's constantly rejected and it breaks my heart. No one should be forced to be friends when they don't want to do don't push your kid if they don't want to be friends but that feedback (done nicely) could really help his caregivers support him working on those skills so he can make/keep other friends in future