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pretty much just a rant!

9 replies

mumofoneand2dogs · 28/04/2024 19:26

Hello, im struggling with my partner and how lazy his is in the home, he goes to work I get that but surly putting a cup in the sink or putting his washing in the basket isn’t to much to ask for?. He never does anything to help. I work from home from 9am till 3pm school hours. I then pick up my daughter. From the moment we step foot out the gate its a fight to do anything with her, her attitude stinks for a 4 year old. I have posted about that before so not going to get in to that. So not only do I work but I do all the cooking all the cleaning I look after our daughter, walk and feed the dogs. Sort out everything in the home. Im so so tired. I have spoken to my partner and told him how I feel and asked him if could help out more, he says his sorry and he will and he will do this and that. Never happens.
Weekends are the worst, its like fighting a constant battle with the cleaning, my daughter literally goes upstairs and and trashes my room, her room, my office and the landing within a couple of minutes. I don’t have a minutes piece at all, all I want to do on a Sunday is have a relaxing bath hair wash do my face creams put some nice pjs on and sit on the sofa and watch a good ol’ film in the evening. Instead im cleaning sorting the dogs out and trying to get everything done so I don’t have to get up at 5am Monday morning and have to do it all. I feel exhausted all the time, I try and do things on my breaks but that consists of washing and shoving a bit of toast down my neck taking the dogs for a quick walk, before I have to sign back on again. I no im not the only one who has to do this, so anyone who has their life together how? How can I get my partner to start helping around the house? His excuse is his tired from work and weekends should be about relaxing? Well wheres my break. Do you no I have to stay up till around 11pm just to watch an episode of desperate housewives in piece? Because my daughter doesn’t sleep and that’s around the time im finally finishing the cleaning. All while my partner is tucked up in bed. I try and keep on top if it while I can but, by the time I have done one room the next ones trashed so its like a never ending story. Surly it shouldn’t be this hard to keep a house clean and tidy?. Im not saying I want a show home where it doesn’t look like its lived in, but at least clean. I don’t mind a few toys on the floor or her colouring in the front room, and her room is her room so I completely get that she has her toys and will play with them. It’s the fact that she rips all her clothes out of the wardrobe and then goes in to my bedroom and gets in to all my things. then the office I don’t want to have put locks on the doors. Im Starting to think that I might have to, she knows shes not allowed in the office, as its got obviously my computer laptops and ipads in their. She doesn’t touch them but she gets all the paper, pens and well basically the stationary stuff. She Also trashes the dressing Room. This is happening while my partner lays on the sofa doing nothing, while im in the kitchen either doing dinner or sorting the washing out. The more I type this the more Im thinking just put locks on the doors and then she cant do it. I just wish he would help he seems to think because his work is physical and mines office he has it harder then me, also because im at home I can do what I like when I like, which I cant. Sometimes I cant even leave office let alone go and have some lunch! Or have trips out with my friends. They don’t work so he thinks im out with them all day. I have booked Friday off work so I can get what I need to get done done. Then im doing nothing for the rest of the day. I will be watching my programes with a nice cuppa tea and some snacks and have some cuddles on the sofa with the dogs. I hoping this is going to make me feel a little better. Also think because im on my period I finding it even more stressful.
Maybe im just over reacting and its not that bad, a decent nights sleep might help. Not sure if its worth asking my mum to have my little girl for the night so I can crack on give her room a good deep clean, have a nice hot bath with no interruptions then an early night. I no I sound so ungrateful and so miserable I cant stress this enough, I love them to bits but sometimes I just wish I had a little time for myself.

OP posts:
MillshakePickle · 28/04/2024 20:24

Simply put you need to put boundaries in place for both of them. He needs to parent as well.

Office is out of bounds, as is your room and dressing room. Permission needed.

Use a star chart for your daughters behaviour. Let her be responsible for putting the sticker up. Get her a small treat after 1 full day, 2 then 3, 1 week etc.

Model the behaviour you'd like her to have. Put in routines, so she's tidying as well. Toys in the lounge away before bed, tidy up before starting a new activity, etc If you choose to do this, I'd recommend starting off gently. Going full throttle will be too much of a change for her.

Get him to have agreed upon jobs or at least help with your daughter to get things done.

You sound very much on your own.

Rattai · 28/04/2024 20:28

Get locks for your bedroom and office straight away. You can just get bolts that are too high for her reach

MidnightPatrol · 28/04/2024 20:32

Create a rota for housework.

Start with meals. Alternate nights.

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mumofoneand2dogs · 29/04/2024 10:34

MidnightPatrol · 28/04/2024 20:32

Create a rota for housework.

Start with meals. Alternate nights.

good idea, i dont mind the cooking as he cant cook for shit last time we had hard pasta lol, but the cleaning its getting to the point where he wont even put a can of drink in the bin after his drunk it, the coffee he has in the morning before he goes to work is on the hallway on the side unit. its just pure lazyness from him. im getting sick of it. xx

OP posts:
mumofoneand2dogs · 29/04/2024 10:35

Rattai · 28/04/2024 20:28

Get locks for your bedroom and office straight away. You can just get bolts that are too high for her reach

ive ordered some this morning, defiantly worth it. thank you

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 29/04/2024 10:36

You need to be able to lock her out of rooms you don’t want trashing. That will cut your load straight away.
Is DP the father of your child?

mumofoneand2dogs · 29/04/2024 10:41

MillshakePickle · 28/04/2024 20:24

Simply put you need to put boundaries in place for both of them. He needs to parent as well.

Office is out of bounds, as is your room and dressing room. Permission needed.

Use a star chart for your daughters behaviour. Let her be responsible for putting the sticker up. Get her a small treat after 1 full day, 2 then 3, 1 week etc.

Model the behaviour you'd like her to have. Put in routines, so she's tidying as well. Toys in the lounge away before bed, tidy up before starting a new activity, etc If you choose to do this, I'd recommend starting off gently. Going full throttle will be too much of a change for her.

Get him to have agreed upon jobs or at least help with your daughter to get things done.

You sound very much on your own.

100% feel like im on my own, i dont need a show home but just a tidy one... people that put rubbish in the bin would be nice. no matter how many times i say something to him he apologises says he will help and then he will for a couple days then his back to doing nothing. just gets to me that im the only one who does anything around here.

going to do what you have suggested with my litle girl and see how that goes, shes pretty good at helping so im sure if i offer to help she will do it with me. x

OP posts:
mumofoneand2dogs · 29/04/2024 13:50

DustyLee123 · 29/04/2024 10:36

You need to be able to lock her out of rooms you don’t want trashing. That will cut your load straight away.
Is DP the father of your child?

hey yes he is the father, we have been together 10 years nearly, its only the last couple years he has been so bad. he will take her out for an hour and thinks thats all i need.

i ordered some locks for the 3 rooms i dont want her in, they should be here tomorrow. so will be putting them up as soon as they get here, i would ask my partner but been waiting 6 months for him to put up some coat hooks for me.

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