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Original poster

Moving to new town with DD and school appeal

28 replies

PopRay80 · 27/04/2024 18:59

Hi all.
We currently live in a small, safe town. It’s all my 11 year old DD (only child) has ever known and she’s been in the same school since she was 4 with the same friends.
In a couple of months we are moving to a larger town, which is obviously busy. My parents will live just around the corner from us but, other than them, my daughter knows no one.
The school she has been allocated is a 45 minute walk from the new house. She does not know the area and has not been on buses alone so we have put in an appeal for the secondary school closer to our new home.
I have awful anxiety and have cried a lot about the stress of the house move and the school appeal.
This evening my daughter has cried, saying she doesn’t want to move house as she doesn’t like the new town or the people.
It has really upset me.
Could anyone that has moved their DC to a busier town tell me how your DC got on?
Also, is anyone has been through a school appeal, any advice would be appreciated. Many thanks.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 28/04/2024 08:06

Does she do any after school activities that will get her meeting kids in the new area, rather than relying on school?
Remember that no matter how you feel about the move, be positive. It’s an adventure.

MissHavershamReturns · 28/04/2024 08:11

I would repost in education - there are appeals experts there eg @panelchair @prh47bridge @PatriciaHolm

PanelChair · 28/04/2024 09:12

I have withdrawn from the appeal threads.

All I will say here is start a new thread in education/secondary education. Nothing you have so far mentioned sounds like the basis of a winnable appeal, so be positive about the allocated school and work with your daughter to prepare her for the journey to it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families General education
MissHavershamReturns · 28/04/2024 09:17

Sorry @PanelChair - I just remembered how helpful you were on my (unwinnable) one. I didn’t appeal in the end but appreciated your advice. Have nc since

PinkFrogss · 28/04/2024 09:23

Whilst you have nothing to lose by appealing, unless you have stronger grounds than you’ve posted here I think you’re better off focussing on getting your daughter happier. Can you take her to practice on the busses, look at some clubs she can join etc?

Will she be joining in September and in year 7?

If she doesn’t already know you’re planning to appeal don’t tell her, if she does know keep it low-key and don’t bring it up too often.

InTheRainOnATrain · 28/04/2024 09:24

45 minutes walk, would be 20 minutes on a bike, if there’s also a bus that doesn’t sound that bad at all? But we live in London and 11YOs at the indy day schools all do longer journeys than that on public transport, and it’s fine! You can do it with her a few times over the summer to practice. Some clubs in the new area, maybe something like guides/brownies and also summer holiday camps would be a good idea to try to meet people before school. I think it’s normal that she’s anxious because starting secondary and a move is a lot and if there’s a closer school you should get on the waiting list but stay positive about the one she has been allocated- you’re not going to win an appeal just based on the fact that she hasn’t been on a bus alone before so there’s a decent chance she’ll have to go to the further away one. Good luck with the move!

PanelChair · 28/04/2024 09:39

MissHavershamReturns - I’m glad I was able to help, but I felt I’d said everything I had to say so many times on so many threads that I didn’t want to keep repeating it. There are others who continue to give excellent advice.

MissHavershamReturns · 28/04/2024 15:09

@PanelChair i understand and I no longer post on the bf threads for the same reason.

prh47bridge · 28/04/2024 17:35

As @PanelChair says, there is nothing there that would form the basis of a winnable appeal. At this age, a journey of up to 75 minutes each way is considered reasonable unless the child has mobility issues. You need to identify things that the appeal school offers that are not available at the allocated school and that are particularly relevant to your daughter so that you can show that she will be disadvantaged if she is not admitted.

Original poster
PopRay80 · 28/04/2024 19:20

Does it not matter if she is in the catchment area (at only a mile away)??
I put in the appeal about Student Leadership Team that my DD would want to join and drama after school club that the other school doesn’t offer.
We’re gonna try the appeal. If we don’t try, we’d never know.

OP posts:
PinkFrogss · 28/04/2024 19:32

Being in the catchment area will help with your spot on the waiting list, but is irrelevant to the appeal.

LIZS · 28/04/2024 19:45

You are not living in catchment, yet anyway, so that is irrelevant and your wl place will only move once you are or if others turn a place down and no-one with higher priority joins. Drama might be one thing to mention, does she have demonstrable interest or aptitude. Bear in mind there may be limited chance of being part of a Student Leadership Team, what opportunities does that offer and how would she benefit?

prh47bridge · 28/04/2024 21:18

The appeal panel don't care whether you live in or out of catchment. It simply isn't relevant for the appeal. It affects your position on the waiting list, but that is all.

Original poster
PopRay80 · 29/04/2024 06:59

So what are they looking for in the appeal??
I had my DD in tears last night saying she’s too scared to walk to school on her own and said she’s too scared to get on the bus alone.
My anxiety is really bad worrying about all this and seeing how upset she is.

OP posts:
Greenbike · 29/04/2024 07:12

OP, you said you are yourself an anxious person. Gently, do you think you may be transmitting some of that anxiety to your daughter?

If you act like it’s the end of the world and a massive disaster, and talk about appeals etc, then she’ll obviously pick up on that and also be upset. If you act like it’ll be fine and all an exciting adventure, hopefully that will trickle down to her too.

The new school sounds fine, as does the journey. Maybe the most helpful approach at this stage is to practice bus travel with your daughter so she feels confident doing it independently, to get her signed up for some holiday clubs in the new town so she meets other children and feels settled (maybe even children going to the same secondary!) and to generally encourage her and reassure her that the new town and school will be fine.

SmokeBlackCat · 29/04/2024 07:22

I agree with Greenbike. When you talk to your daughter when she’s upset what are you saying? Is it ‘I know darling it’s awful! How will you / we cope!’ Or ‘I can see you’re upset. Let’s have a hug and talk about what’s worrying you’.

Don’t dismiss her genuine worries but please don’t share your own or reinforce hers.

i say this as an anxious person myself who is prone to catastrophising but try to manage your own emotions for her sake.

and I can’t see you winning an appeal because there’s another school closer, otherwise everyone would win their appeal and no one would ever have to go to a school far away. Sorry.

cyclamenqueen · 29/04/2024 07:24

PopRay80 · 29/04/2024 06:59

So what are they looking for in the appeal??
I had my DD in tears last night saying she’s too scared to walk to school on her own and said she’s too scared to get on the bus alone.
My anxiety is really bad worrying about all this and seeing how upset she is.

Gently , as a massive over thinker myself , try to see this as a skills issue , that way you can feel more in control. By the end of this your dd will have gained some really good life skills . Practice walking to school , do it gradually , can you start walking with her and gradually let her do more alone . If her grandparents will be around the corner can they also help, could she walk as far as their house etc Practice getting the bus with her , once she has done it alone a few times she will feel so much more confident .

it’s not bad to feel worried about things , it’s normal to worry or feel stressed about new things, make sure she understands this , but the solution is not to avoid these situations but to learn the skills that mean you aren’t worried about them.

fieldsofbutterflies · 29/04/2024 07:24

You need to work on building your daughters' confidence. It's totally understandable that she's scared if she's never done something like this before, but it's your job to build her up and show her that she can do it, not help her to avoid any scenario that makes her nervous.

Original poster
PopRay80 · 29/04/2024 07:34

Thanks for the comments.
I have read the appeals information and it says ‘if your case is based on a house move you should provide evidence of exchange’. That says to me that they will look at the case because we’re moving into the area. People are saying we have to wait until we have moved in but the appeals information (and schools admission team I emailed) say otherwise?!

OP posts:
wpalfhal · 29/04/2024 07:47

How over subscribed is the school you want? Where are you on the waiting list? I don't know how it works so this could be completely wrong, but I'd have thought moving wouldn't be grounds for appeal as such but might reprioritise you on the waiting list?

mitogoshi · 29/04/2024 07:49

Have you exchanged contract yet? If not there's no way you will be considered a priority. 45 minutes is a normal journey time anyway, I walked 40 mins to school, one of my DDs walked 30 minutes the other was 50 minutes away so cycled. They changed school at age 10 and coped fine.

With kindness are you transferring your anxiety about the move to your dd? If you word the journey as only 45 minutes it's quite different presenting it to her than her hearing you worrying it's 45 minutes. Children crisscross towns all the time for school as parents seem to always think the further away school is better !

Try to relax about it all, it will be ok

Toomuch44 · 29/04/2024 08:32

Around here, some are a 45min walk from the secondary school. In time, she'll get to know others walking the same route (if only part of it) and sometimes link up with them. As said, a bike would make it much quicker. You can prefer her by walking the route, encouraging bus travel in current area she knows.

Make the move sound exciting, ie you'll decorate her room first. Maybe look for a new independent from school hobby/after school glass to do so she has something to focus on, as well as encouraging after school/lunchtime clubs at school.

One thing, I'd say is really try not to pass your anxiety onto her.

LIZS · 29/04/2024 09:54

But a house move in itself will not win an appeal.

SpringBunnies · 29/04/2024 10:04

Focus on the good thing. Not sure where you live but 45min walk is shorter distance DC1's secondary and it's our catchment school. I think we are at leave 60-75min walk away. Obviously she doesn't walk but takes the bus. There are kids that ride bikes to school.

Don't focus on it being too far away because it's not unless there is no public transport. If it's year 7, there will be other kids who don't know anyone starting at the school. Help her settle by encouraging her to join clubs.

Octavia64 · 29/04/2024 10:09

I can't comment on the appeal.

But at secondary it is very very normal to have to get a bus to the school.

If your child is worried about it then it is worth doing some skills building sessions.

This could be you and her taking the bus together a few times. At first you do all the handing over money/bus pass etc and she takes on more of it as she is confident.

You can also think about what to do if the bus doesn't turn up (just wait for the next one? Walk back home? Give her a dumb phone and get her to phone you) and also if she misses her stop.

Again, these are things that can be practiced and will help both your and her anxiety.

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