Mum hypersensitive and easily offended

[HazelLion]

I'm currently on holiday with my mum who is in her late 60's , and I'm at my wits end. I haven't seen her in over a year as I live abroad, and she's come over to visit me and we've gone off to an all-inclusive resort together.

I'm finding her very difficult. I can't banter with her at all or make even the mildest comment or observation without her having a strop and telling me I'm criticising her and attacking her. I brought up a funny comment she made a few years ago thinking we'd have a chuckle about it, but she became highly offended. It was such a bizarre reaction and when I try to discuss it with her she sulks and accuses me and my father of picking on her all the time when I really don't think we do.

Her hearing is also definitely going and she often mishears me, or just pretends to hear me when I can tell she's just playing it off and didn't understand a word. I'm happy to repeat what I said if she would ask me to but she is being very stubborn about it. She's also acting a bit clueless and walking into people in public, not watching where she's going, and gets very upset with me when I tell her to look out, but what am I meant to do in that situation? She's always been spacey and not great with spacial awareness, but she fell on people on the tube three times after ignoring me when I told her to hold on and brace herself (this was also perceived as an attack).

Now that we're at the resort I'm finding her behaviour to the staff to be rather imperious. She hasn't said please or thank you to any of the staff since we've arrived and I'm finding it hard to bear.

She's always been difficult in my opinion but it seems to be getting worse with age. She brags about giving my father the silent treatment frequently (I don't think he minds tbh) and has just told me how she's fallen out with my cousin's in the past few months.

Am I a horrible nasty daughter or would anyone else find her difficult?

She sounds like she should go to the doctors. It could be neurological- why she’s bumping into people, her hearing is getting worse, temper short etc. Could even be the onset of dementia.

While I agree it must be trying, you don’t seem to have much patience either. Bad combination.

If you know she’s touchy, why on earth would you try and have a chuckle at her expense? That’s never going to work out well. She obviously isn’t the type that copes with that kind of humour.

Take a step back and try to look on the situation from the outside. There is something going on with your mum that I don’t think you’re seeing.

I've suggested memory and hearing issues to her and my father but it's been met with anger and denial. I live overseas, so there's not much I can realistically do about it. As for poking fun, it's more along the lines of "Remember when this happened?" And where almost anyone else would chuckle and have a trip down memory lane, she gets wildly offended over nothing. I can barely speak to her at all without her get angry.

I have a highly sensitive mother and it is exhausting

Probably already been said but I'd say she needs a medical check up OP.

Have you tried calling her an insufferable twat?

In for a penny etc

Could be hearing and being disoriented if she doesn’t go out a lot, maybe your dad has been slagging her and she thinks you are too or maybe she’s used to having your dad there. People always jump for dementia but to be fair you haven’t seen her in a year and you’re probably both trying to find your feet around each other but you have the advantage of being on home ground

My mother is like that. There's something about that generation of women. So many are emotionally incontinent.

This is why I don't see my mother unless I have to. Can't disagree with her about anything, can't give her an honest opinion, and she won't ever laugh at herself. Absolutely knackering. Brave of you to go to a resort with yours if she's like this.

If you know she’s touchy, why on earth would you try and have a chuckle at her expense?

Agree with this. It can be embarrassing to be reminded of something stupid you said (or did) years ago, and most people get defensive when they feel like they're being teased.

It would be interesting to know if your father is highly critical of her when they're alone.

But it does sound exhausting and I'm definitely not a fan of extended family vacations. Zero desire to vacation with my parents after about age 14😂