This is exactly why I dislike the in laws.

[Bunbum]

Prime example yesterday when they called up as they were in town and wanted to pop in (they gave us 15 mins notice), which would be absolutely fine however whenever they come over, DP feels it’s necessary that he and I need to frantically run around the flat in those 15 mins hoovering, spraying room spray, fixing throws, cushions etc etc… basically trying to make it look like we don’t have children under 4 yo & we have 10000% got our shit together.

It’s. So. Out. Of. Touch.

It’s not reality.

However the issue is not with DP, it’s them. It’s allllllll about image and what the house looks like, how good the children look (hair always cut nice and styled, nice outfits)…. I can so totally imagine DP had such a boring childhood, never allowed to get a bit dirty, wear spiderman onesies etc.

I just cant stand it. I can’t stand people who focus their lives on image.

Isn't that normal to do a panic tidy round in that situation?

My MIL came to stay while our baby was very small and the place was messy (not dirty), just messy and she said "oh Swordto flamethrower I'm very disappointed with your level of cleaning when you are expecting a guest" and she said it in a faux jokey voice but she was deffo being passive aggressive.

I laughed and said "what made you think it was my job?" And looked at DH who said "mum, you're not a guest, you're my mum, and I don't stand on ceremony for you ok?"

That put her firmly in her place!

My DiL is convinced our home is spotless (it isn’t) and always apologises for the state of her and DS’s house. She means it too.
I really don’t see any mess or housework to be done, just evidence of a happy, busy, relaxed family which gladdens my heart. Your MiL needs to be reminded of this.

Holidays - you can take your child abroad for a holiday without his approval

You can date when you want to, you can introduce a partner when you think it's right, it's not up to him

Ludicrous. They should take you as they find you. Also it's a husband AND in laws problem.

This. Especially the onesie

They’d have to take me as it was, tough. If they made comments, I’d tell them not to bother coming over with 15 minutes notice. It’s rude. Tell them you have dc, have they forgotten?!

You don't have to tidy up for family.

You need to stop caring.

You know they only care about what's superficial. You think they're wrong. Therefore stop playing the game.

That type of behaviour makes me double up in the opposite direction.

If I was in my nightie I'd stay in my nightie. I might start making a cake and inadvertantly trash the kitchen.

There is no way I'd be frantically tidying for family.

Let him flap, take a coffee and go upstairs until the flapping has finished.