Fashion help for DS

[WoopsLiza]

My DS 13 has recently become very self conscious about his appearance. He hates all his clothes and his haircut and wants to change but he can't really say what to. I personally am useless. We are all ND and I think we probably all look bonkers most of the time, clothes wise. When we get to shops, nothing looks right - I assume this is basically because we don't know what we are looking for.

Where can we look to for fashion advice for an early teen boy? I thought if he could look at some ideas we would be able to put him a few looks together.

What’s he wearing now that he doesn’t like?

Mainly soft, cotton tracksuits. He has sensory issues that limit what he is able to tolerate.

But really what I think I need is to find a source of inspiration to him. Me making suggestions of actual items of clothing won't help. He needs to choose for himself but doesn't know how to

What does he like doing, my son was pretty nerdy ( in a good way) at the age, black jeans, t shirts related to a game or a film character , skate board brands ie vans are pretty popular. The boys he didn't hang around with seemed to dress from JD sports. Boys that age rarely like to stand out so it's a matter of observing what their tribe wear, or if they don't have much of a friendship group, what other kids wear on non uniform day/ school trips. My son now dresses like a 70s rock star and his whole purpose is to stand out. He is not nerotypical!

Seeing other kids dress irl doesn't help - otherwise we wouldn't be floundering. He's pretty overwhelmed in social situations, so its hard for him to see the principles at work. That is why I am wondering if there are other sources of fashion.inspiration for his age group?

DS is 12 and day to day likes North Face stuff, like t shirts, hoodie and joggers.

Also Adidas and Nike stuff.

If he needs to be a bit smarter, he wears jeans and a shirt from Next or M and S.

My 13yo DS dresses like a skater boy (he isn't a skater boy). He also has sensory issues about clothes, so the baggy jeans and soft tshirts involved in this look are much better for him than the skinny tracksuit look. If you look on the Route One website- he pretty much looks like that.

My DS's favourite shop is size? :

https://www.size.co.uk/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwxLKxBhA7EiwAXO0R0HvQkdfKnZkN3lPD83yaKfnlrrXPb3tWDvS-ky3I_4pEiyKfqLS1jxoCMSAQAvD_BwE

What sort of film or shows is he into?
Maybe encourage to point out examples of looks he likes in them or on celebrities or social media and try out different elements from those?
At his age I'd looking as much towards mens fashion for inspo as to what other folk his age are wearing.
I'd also say feeling awkward, self conscious and out of place is a pretty much universal part of the teenage experience and he might find it reassuring to be reminded he not alone in that when he is feeling particularly self conscious

what are his interests there are lots of places that sell gaming/movie/music stuff hoodies or T-shirts hmv/zavvi are good for that kind of stuff.
or alternative clothing if he’s into that (try emp for some inspiration there) although they do some nice basic stuff at emp too.

or
I was going to suggest looking online at some big shops websites together and seeing if he likes the look of anything.

give him a budget and maybe order a few things he can try on at home and if he hates some of it you can return it. just make sure wherever you order from you can return.

if he’s ok in shops maybe start in primark and H&M for a look round. Prices are low so a few T-shirts or trousers to try on and get him started.

NOT BOOHOO. Iv just had a nightmare with them and am telling everyone where appropriate to avoid them like the plague!

If he really has no idea what kind of look he is after, but wants to move away from tracksuits, I think you could do a lot worse than getting a wardrobe of basics from H&M. Cargos and softer jeans (baggy is in, so that might help sensory wise?), some long and short sleeve tees and a couple of hoodies and sweatshirts. Black, greys, khaki, blues. Maybe some Vans for feet. That will give him a solid base to then start experimenting with different looks by adding little bits and pieces (e.g. a vintage shirt, a skate brand, a band tee etc) to see what he likes and what feels right and authentic for him.

Personally I'd avoid going headlong into a specific look because the clothes will wear him rather than him wearing the clothes, iyswim.

And just to add, I find h&m online v v good - if you become a member (free) it is free delivery, and the returns are v easy with different options including free collection.

Could you take him along to a shop like H&M and ask one of the shop assistants if they could help?

Get him to make a Pinterest board of looks he likes. The algorithm learns what kind of things you like and shows suggestions. Then you can make decisions and shop/arrange haircut accordingly.

Can't go wrong with Nike branded clothes, tracksuits are good and cargo trousers and cargo joggers. My son will only wear black, grey and dark blue but they do some lovely colours. North face is also good but even more expensive.

Op what about charity or vintage shops?? My eldest has found some lovely stuff in them. What sort of stuff does your son like to wear currently??

I’d start with what he likes music/gaming/TV wise and then which bits of those aesthetics does he like? Go from there, particularly for the hair cut. A Pinterest board is another good idea.

But, if he has sensory issues that might realistically limit how much you can follow it through.

Does he have many friends? What are they wearing? Could you ask their parents?

Looking at hashtags like #boyfashion #teenboyfashion on instagram and TikTok could work too.

Maybe get him to browse a few websites and create a virtual shopping basket on them? My 13 year ds is a bit geeky, not into fashion/trends but most of his stuff comes from H&M, La Redoute, Primark and Zara. He tends to live in joggers basic long sleeve tops and hoodies. Or jeans/chinos. Also some tees with things he likes on like chess or whatever.

I don’t particularly like the way my 14 year old Son dresses but if he’s happy Iam too.He seems to have gone off his jogging bottoms and is now fond of his Cargo pants (Navy, Grey and Black pair) he wears them with either a long sleeve top or T-shirt and hoodie.Trainers are always Nike.Certain brands float his boat Northface, Under Armour,Jack & Jones, Hugo Boss.if it ever gets warmer he will put his shorts on

Thanks all. I don't know why a Pintrest didn't occur to me, it's a good idea.

We do generally buy on Vinted or Ebay because money is tight but maybe we could try a few returnable new items then be clearer what to order on Vinted etc

We did choose a couple of Vinted things that he really liked but said he didn't feel ready to wear out, he said he didn't think people would think he was the right kind of person to wear those things. Obviously he is in a bit of a knot about it all. I hope we can get past it

Until they feel confident to dress just as they want (and know what that is) then I would second what@AbbeFausseMaigre said about H&M.
My DD hates shopping and is sensative to feel of clothes, I just buy her cargo/jeans/hareem trousers and then we choose a few T's online.
Hoody from a brand and some trainers everyone wears.
I know you say money is tight but kids this age really start to notice if they stand out with clothes that are a bit odd/second hand. That's great when they have confidence to say hey this who I am but that comes later.
Just a few herd basics will make him less of a target. I had a Next account when mine were younger to put a few bits on and pay off each month.
Have you got a local trendy barber
Who could help with hair?

We have lots of barbers, but they are all almost a bit too trendy - they always give him some sort of swooping fringe (possibly because DS mumbles 'whatever you think' when he is asked what he wants). I went through some photographs with him last night and he has picked a simple one, so we will get that done asap

Have a look at Next online. Type in things like sporty, preppy, skater etc and see how they have styled things.
It doesn't matter if its too expensive because you can then look on ebay and vinted for similar things.