Please will you give me some motherly advice?

[generallycheery]

I'm 37, and recently have found myself thinking about menopause and aging a lot. I have a couple of slightly older friends who've had a rough time of it, and my mum also had a rocky year or so in her late forties.

I still feel young, and am in a youngish time of life - primary age kids, still ambitious for some career progression etc. I don't have health problems. But I have this sense of how aging sort of creeps up on a person unexpectedly, and I want to be ready!

What's your advice for aging well, please?

Regular health checks, blood work etc. At 50 I was diagnosed diabetic and High blood pressure. Not over weight, quite fit, it was a shock.

Medication and diet change and I feel 10 years younger. Unchecked and I don't want to think about it...

Count the pluses! It’s rather better than the alternative, and the older you get, the less you (usually) give a fuck about what other people think.

I would add that I’m long past the menopause, but TBH I pretty much sailed through it. I do appreciate that I was lucky, though.

Eat well and get enough sleep each night.
Allow yourself me time and your own interests.
Find a source to help with any stress.
Be open to hrt than naturally suffering as I now feel happier & healthier without the unbelievable moods.
Of course, work out what suits your needs and body.
Have a doctor who listens understands and supports you.
Love your family.

I’m 51, and feel fine so far! I would say, stay fit, spend time outdoors, and pack as much pleasure into your life as you can outside of work and parenting!

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

I’m 47 and the menopause seems to be very fashionable and lots of my friends this age talk about it. Also work colleagues who blame it for forgetting things. I have taken a different approach of ignoring it rather than looking for symptoms. My mum died v young so I have no idea when I should reasonably expect it.

Healthy Mediterranean style diet
Exercise most days, both cardio and weight-bearing/resistance based (check out Caroline Girvan)
Keep active, both physically and mentally
Try something new or challenge yourself regularly
Bet happy with yourself and by yourself

Don't take on so much commitment now that you've screwed yourself over in ten years time when menopause hits. Think particularly carefully about taking on caring commitments, domestic responsibilities, and dogs. Stick to fun, stress free stuff. Nurture your friendships, especially with women.

Be body and mind aware. Me time every day. Eat healthily drink plenty of water and manage any booze intake. I am lucky as I have no addictions. I also self treat with mild homoeopathic. I am very fortunate I know so much about the subject. It helps me no end.

What @CrapBucket said. You are still young! Enjoy being young and forget about ageing - if you are lucky it will happen but gradually over many decades, and you'll adapt gradually too.

In my 30s I thought of myself as still young, and in my 40s too. I think I felt at my best in my 40s and 50s, and still felt young in my 50s despite some health problems.

I didn't really start to feel my age until after I was widowed in my mid 60s, and that mainly through the inevitable changes in my lifestyle and self-image.

@generallycheery , you’re quite some way off menopause yet. I’m 61 on Monday so that’s water under my bridge. Just enjoy each day, appreciate what you have, make glorious memories with those you love. Care for your health, eat well, enjoy the outdoors, spend time in nature. Things will happen regardless of how much you worry about them, why ruin today worrying over what might never happen? Each stage in life has its challenges and joys, all will be well.

Stay away from drama queens/toxic friendships and any toxic family members where applicable. I also use Back Flower Rescue Remedy spray in the SAD season.

• Bach

Thank you for taking the time to reply, all of you. I really appreciate it.

I don't want to be preoccupied with worry about aging, but I do want to do things now that set me up for aging well. The advice about thinking about the precedent of what responsibilities I'm going to accept is such a great example.

The best thing I did was to work on and maintain my fitness.

It helps with menopause symptoms, and maintains posture, energy levels and general health.

I started running in my forties and am still running twice a week at 60. I practice karate which includes a lot of yoga type exercises that maintain flexibility. I have a 15yo so it's important for me to keep going full pelt.

Keep a vague eye on your weight. I didn't, and I've piled about 5 stone on, which feels ridiculous and God knows how I'll shift it. I would have more energy if I wasn't this size. In reality, if you put 1lb a week on (which is easy to do) you can put almost 4 stone on in a year.

I wish someone had told me this in firm and motherly tones before I hit menopause and allowed it to happen!

On the plus side, I couldn't give a shit what anyone else thinks of me now.

Great thread op and great question!

Without a doubt; exercise! Oh how I wish I had started earlier!

There’s some hideous statistic out there about falling after the age of 65 yrs. Look it up! You don’t realise until you start creaking as you stand up from sofa, and puffing up the stairs, how vital physical fitness is.

I thought I was too old to start exercising at forty, and now looking back in my sixtieth year, I wish I had started twenty years ago! Do something you love though like dance or a racket sport, or swimming, it doesn’t have to be the gym but do some weights during the week if you can. And just keep at it, a little bit a week, come rain or shine.

And eat as little processed crap as possible. Focus on home cooked food. It’s the best medicine.

And try not to put on too much weight on in the first place as you age, if at all possible, as it’s hellish trying to lose it when you are older.

With both exercise and healthy eating; it’s the little simple things you do every day that count. Consistency is key not perfectionism!

The other thing I would say it’s don’t be too good a wife and mother! 😀. What I mean is, don’t give absolutely everything to your dh and dc. Try and hold back a little piece of your life just for you. Don’t lose who YOU are. This will benefit everyone. And you won’t feel so bereft when the dc leave home as you will have developed your own life outside of work and dc.

Keep your attitude young - have a good sense of humour.
Learn new things - mental exercise stimulates the brain - I’m learning Latin, German and Welsh.
If you need a nap, have one - the art of the snooze on the couch is a wonderful one to learn.
Wear whatever you want to wear - ignore the people who say that this clothing or that hairstyle are ‘too young’ for someone your age - if it makes you happy, sod what anyone else thinks.

Same here Greywitch2 I could always eat anything I liked and my figure snapped right back after dc. But then at fifty years I put a tiny bit of weight on, then a bit more, and at 60 yrs I am three stone overweight. Sounds ridiculous, as I know what I am doing in terms of nutrition, but it almost happened without me noticing and as you say, it’s SO energy sapping, it’s unbelievable! And my knees hurt. It’s no fun at all. I look in the mirror and think “my goodness, what were you thinking?”

What @PlainEvian655 says. Keep an eye on your weight and do your best to take regular exercise.

Also: if you smoke, give it up. It's very ageing.

I'm well past the menopause. I was delighted to get there, because I had endometriosis and the symptoms have all gone away. I could do without the aches and pains and the hot flushes, though! I think if I were your age, I'd have at the back of my mind that nearer the time I would try to get advice on HRT from a GP or specialist who really knows about it. When I was approaching the menopause the advice was pretty clear, that if you have a family history of breast cancer you shouldn't risk it. It's not nearly as clear cut as that now and I might make a different decision (I've never taken it).

Make time for you. Enjoy your hobbies, time to yourself. Don't drink to excess, try to keep to a healthy weight and most importantly, remember 'Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by neglect' in other words some bad things happen not because of people having bad intentions, but because they did not think it through properly.

This - always leave some slack to cope with the curve balls.

i love work more than ever and I’m 43. Kids are late primary so easier to lean in. Exercise as part of your daily life (I cycle everywhere) and watch your weight - middle age spread isn’t inevitable and it’s impossible to shift once it’s on.

Definitely echo what others have said about weight. Doesn't need to be a joyless life but it's easier to keep weight off through a degree of moderation (1 glass of wine instead of 2) than to have to get it off by having no glasses of wine. Avoid mindless picking and too many elasticated waists lest you fail to identify a sudden growth in girth.

Also exercise.

But also, and I find this slightly hard to articulate, so bear with me, I think its important to strike a balance between taking care of yourself and trying to maintain your health so you can enjoy a full life for as many years as you get, and not being in denial about the inevitability of aging and passing into a different stage of your life where you might start to value and prioritise things differently, and enjoy different pastimes. A degree of physical decline is also inevitable- although MN is fond of the "85 isn't old. 85 year olds run marathons" line, 85 years is actually very old and a glance at average marathon times by age category shows that 85 year olds run extremely slowly compared to younger people and in v v small numbers. Does it matter? No- those 85 year olds are probably loving that they can still do it at all (as they should- props), but to do that they had to accept at some stage that their best times were behind them and reframe their "why?". You can't lose the joy of it trying to hold back the tide.

Sorry to hijack your thread OP but these threads always me sad. Mostly because the most suggested advice is to keep fit and exercise but it’s the one thing I can’t do. If anyone in a similar situation has suggestions bearing that in mind, I’d be most grateful.

I don’t drink alcohol or caffeine and eat a reasonable diet.

@HÆLTHEPAIN you're doing as much as you can then. Don't fret. All you can do is your best.

Thinking about people I know, keeping your mind active is important. Keep learning and trying new things. I'm sure I read somewhere that that's just as important as physical fitness.