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Original poster

Feeling guilty

6 replies

30somethinglost · 27/04/2024 06:52

Just looking advice on how to deal with feelings of guilt

My husband and I don’t have children for various reason we will need the go down the IVF route. However embarrassing my bmi is currently too high . I am regular at the gym eat well but am well built and have always weighed heavy not helped by only been short.

My mum is a functioning alcoholic and following loosing my dad lives alone and I keep getting remarks about how other family members who are alone are ok as they have grandchildren. It’s heartbreaking it’s not like we aren’t trying 😞. Due to the issues with drink I can’t talk to her about it everyone would know and she can be very unkind.

Not sure what anyone can say just feeling incredibly guilty we haven’t had children and it’s unlikely to happen.

OP posts:
awayandaway · 27/04/2024 06:54

sending you lots of hugs. Dont feel guilty on anyone elses behalf. this is obviously out of your control. It is sad for you. Other people should sympathise, not pile on the guilt!

With regards to being overweight, read "why we eat to much" by Andrew Jenkinson. It was a game changer for me. It helped me understand the problem, and the solution. I am 6 stone lighter now

Beddgelert · 27/04/2024 06:58

What is your BMI now?

Ask them to do a more specialised assessment of your body mass with waist measurements.

There are many critics of the BMI measurement.

Original poster
30somethinglost · 27/04/2024 07:21

Beddgelert · 27/04/2024 06:58

What is your BMI now?

Ask them to do a more specialised assessment of your body mass with waist measurements.

There are many critics of the BMI measurement.

Currently is 31 it needs to be below 30 which is hugely frustrating. I don’t want to fall in to a disordered pattern I have worked too hard to get away from my old eating habits where I would eat far far too little.

OP posts:
Original poster
30somethinglost · 27/04/2024 07:24

awayandaway · 27/04/2024 06:54

sending you lots of hugs. Dont feel guilty on anyone elses behalf. this is obviously out of your control. It is sad for you. Other people should sympathise, not pile on the guilt!

With regards to being overweight, read "why we eat to much" by Andrew Jenkinson. It was a game changer for me. It helped me understand the problem, and the solution. I am 6 stone lighter now

its very hard not to take to heart, my in laws aren’t much better either consistently saying how much they miss my nephew (they live in another country) and must be nice to have grandchildren you can see more.

OP posts:
Hoglet70 · 27/04/2024 07:58

You should point out to her that with her drinking habits it is highly unlikely any grandchildren will want to spend any time with her anyway!

Beddgelert · 27/04/2024 19:14

Speak to the service, a waist hip measurement may possibly be more reflective of your true body mass.

31 is so close and your muscle mass needs to be assessed properly not just by BMI.

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