Teacher by training (long since ex!), recently left volunteering with 5-18 year olds.
The first is boundaries. Rules and expectations of acceptable behaviour need to be practiced. Don’t let your child get away with shite behaviour (or reward it) by giving in to their demands for the sake of a quiet life. Kind, gentle but firm parenting is key here. DD has high functioning autism, rules and guidance were still just as important (for her safety and reassurance) as an NT child (with modifiers if there are other needs that need to be taken into account of course).
Free play is vital, as is knowing how to be bored (or rather, developing strategies to mitigate boredom that they can do without your engagement). Playing, colouring, reading, Lego etc.
How to take turns. Board games are obviously great, but so are having lots of chats about anything, which leads to…
How to listen. And likewise how to ask questions and be interested in the things that others are talking about.
Having meals together sitting at a table, even if your children eat separately to you sit with them whilst they eat. Ask about their day, talk about things that interest them, or tell them things that you might have seen that day. You can easily spot the children who are plonked in front of the TV to eat dinner off their lap.
Good manners are also a part of this. As is teaching them how to hold a knife and fork, and when using fingers to eat is OK (pizza with a knife and fork? Blimey no 😂).
Lead by example. If you rant and rave about nothing, or are one of those who love a good shout when things aren’t going your way (or become over agitated and think stamping your feet and shouting gets you what you want when resolving issues, for example to customer service personnel) then your child will follow suit.
Books are always good. Never limit reading! And of course, reading at bedtime is great. Even if it’s a Hairy MacLeary for the billionth time!
Basic skills before school include how to do zips, put their shoes on (and teach tying laces when they’re ready). How to do buckles on shoes or clothes too.
Anything to help fine motor skills, like cutting and sticking.
Let them have time to stop and stare. Don’t fill every waking moment with an activity (sticking them in front of a TV counts as an activity).
Lots of time outside; walks, looking at trees, collecting leaves and sticks and stones, turning over a stone to see what’s living underneath (and putting it back exactly as you found it).
Learning how to lose and how to win.
That it’s OK to be sad sometimes (boys especially, none of this ‘boys don’t cry’ bullshit).
That it’s OK to be frightened, and how they can (gently) be guided or encouraged to face their fears.
How to help if they see that their friends are sad.
How words can be hurtful.
There’s a good activity using just a piece of paper. Ask your child to shout mean or horrible things at the paper. For every mean thing, you can both scrunch the paper.
When they’ve finished saying the mean words, get the to unfurl the paper and try to flatten it. Ask them to say nice things and apologies to the paper as they do it.
Can they make the paper as flat as it was when they started? Or is the paper always going to have creases made by the nasty words or phrases? Did saying sorry (though always good) make creases all go away?
Of course you can throw money at all of this, but you really don’t have to. I had DS as a late teen, single parent student (broke obviously!); free walks through the woods, or even to the park, using leaflets through the door (or the old Argos catalogues, it was a long time ago!) for craft & glue made from flour and water, and libraries are your friend!
When I met now DH and had more money, of course we could pay to nurture DS (and now DD’s) interests. And it’s important not to push your child to do an activity they hate. DS loved dance and drama, DD bloody hated it, so we switched to something she was interested in (riding, thank god we had money then lol). And both excelled by encouraging their interests and not forcing them to do clubs they hated.
In my own experience, I absolutely hated playing the violin. 10 awful years followed and I’d become anxious and moody before the lesson, hated the lesson itself, and then the cycling would restart again after ad infinitum. I was very good at the recorder, but because of the parental insistence to keep playing the bloody violin I was never allowed to switch to a woodwind instrument.
(You can cross reference with other posts of mine, narc mother, so what she wanted us to do went, with no discussion. Fucking awful).
Kids don’t have to have all of these skills ready for the moment they enter nursery or reception. But working towards them is always advantageous and gives your child the foundation blocks for future learning and socialising with their peers.
And lots of clean sleep! No devices before bed, having a good, relaxed bedtime if you can is always noticeable the next day.