Household chores for an 11 year old

[splatmouse]

I'm trying to compile a reasonable list of age appropriate household chores for 11 year old DD. What's typical to expect someone of this age to be responsible for? I might have to scale back a little, an 11 year old who has been doing bits from a young age will be different from someone starting now.

A couple of things to consider;
We don't have a dishwasher - so 'loading the dishwasher' would be extremely difficult!

We don't have any pets at the moment

She's the elder of two, younger child is 8 and has ASD. This brings up some issues like 'how come [brother] doesn't have to do chores and, also, I don't want to create a dynamic where the girls/women do housework while the boys/men are exempt. So I would be happy to also assign DS some age appropriate and ASD appropriate chores.

The plan was to type this and print it out. Make it as clear as possible. She could even maybe earn some pocket money by completing all the weekly chores (or would that complicate things?) I'd love to hear some ideas/ advice from others.

11 year old can do everything an adult can. Most 8 year-olds too, bearing in mind any practical challenges that might come with NDD (proprioceptive, vestibular, sensory issues etc.)
Mine is responsible for cleaning her room including changing bedding, her own laundry, hoovering the house once a week and doing dishes every Saturday (no dishwasher either).
We don't make a list though. But we don't do these things for her either. So she can make a decision to not change her bedding some weeks just as I can make a decision to not cook dinner sometimes.

This! Kids are not parents servants. They go to school and need to be able to play and rest at home. Doing the bed, keep room tidy, throw clothes in the basket and help out to set the table, bring dirty plates to the sink, help with gardening as part of what the whole family does, but expecting them to have a list of chores on top of school work is terrible.

I’m with the ‘everything you do’ crowd.

They should be able to do everything. And it’s your job as a parent to make sure they have the skills. But they are still kids, so if course they won’t every day, every week.

probably get dinner started 2-3x per week, with one being a full (supervised as needed) cook dinner. Plus their share (1/3 or 1/2 whatever) off the full house clean on the weekends.

And have more faith in your ASD. They are more capable than given credit for often. But again it’s such a huge spectrum. Teach them all the skills. They may require more supervision/encouragement.

because your kids are going to be contributing differently throwing some spare ice cream money or just ‘oh yeah, we can get you that, you’ve been such a huge help this month’ to the older one is probably fair.

And to avoid the apparent sexism, just clearly explain there are different abilities and capabilities present in your house. Your daughter needs to be fully capable by 16, so she can iron out the kinks by the time she moves out - as early as 18. And if your son was capable that would be expected of them too. It again he May be capable, just require more work on your part - which sucks cause It’s already soooo much..

No chores per se for mine but I do expect them to tidy up after themselves, this includes tidying their room, putting washing away, dirty clothes in wash basket etc. Putting their things away /upstairs etc. I'm not overly strict and a good enough rule typically applies (no IG rooms in this house). I tend to vacuum, dust their rooms tho.

They get their own breakfast and tidy up afterwards, its mostly school dinners or they make pack-up, they help set / clear away table (not all the time) and put their dishes in the dish washer. My 12 year old will quite happily walk down to the shop on occasion for milk / bread etc.

My 12 year old is fairly efficient with packing her bags for school / sports etc. 10 year old still needs a lot more support / prompts etc but staring to push him to do a bit more.

They've been doing the above since they were 6 and 8 mostly brought on due to covid and wfh, whilst homeschooling and running a house whilst being a single parent (altho they did / do spend time with Dad)

My 18 month old is cheerfully in the I will destroy the house phase... joyous

Everyone in our house is ND, so interpret through this lens:

The 11-year-old and 12-year-old are expected to put their shoes on the shoe rack and hang their coats when they come in, and put away any bags or items they brought home. They need to get their lunch boxes and water bottles out of schoolbags and leave them in the kitchen. They both need to be reminded to do these quite often.

I sometimes ask them to set and clear the table depending how much of a hurry they are in. They take plates back to the kitchen when finished.

They are supposed to keep their rooms reasonably tidy. The 12-year-old is tidy by nature and manages this well unless he has a lot of stuff to do at once (eg unpacking after a holiday). The 11-year-old is not, struggles massively, gets overwhelmed and needs to have someone with her when tidying or she doesn't do it. She's not lazy, but struggles with knowing where to start and where to put things.

We don't expect them to do meal cooking, as the effort to arrange this during term time is too much for us parents. I'm hoping we might start doing this in holiday time as they get a bit older. They also don't yet wash dishes as they tend to be rushing out to activities around that time of day. Again, we might start this in the summer holidays.

If I had a child I'd give them a job where it's a benefit to be short and I find very tedious, which is cleaning all the skirting boards! I somewhat regret having ones with mouldings and wish they were like my parents' boring 1970s ones.

My husband and his 2 brothers all had to clean bedrooms, do dusting and hoovering before school 🤣 my husband does all my dusting and hoovering now and he’s in his 50’s
My 3 daughters never used to do anything in our house, they’ve now got their own houses and keep them immaculate, people used to say they wouldn’t be able to look after their own houses due to doing nothing living at home!

DS (7) who has ASD and ADHD chose his own chores which are hoover down the stairs (wearing ear defenders as he doesn’t like the sound the hoover makes but wanted that chore 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣) and cleaning the windows and glass on the stairs (we have a pane of glass rather than wooden uprights on our bannister). He sprays it and wipes it with the microfibre cloth and actually does a really good job of it! We do have a karcher window vac which he used to use but we can’t find the charging cable at the moment.

If hoover isn’t too heavy (we have a cordless Dyson which is manageable for my 7 year old) they could do some vacuuming, spray and wipe table/kitchen counters, mop the floors, clean windows, clear table at end of meals.

@walnutcoffee

Pretty much my experience.

Mum would come home and expect the house to be spotless, a cup of tea for her hand, the veg prepped and then the washing up done.

Saturday mornings, I would go get the veg etc ( from aged 8 ) whilst my sisters did the housework

First full dinner I cooked was christmas dinner for 12 aged 13

I never had my own children, have step children that have lived with us on and off over the years so I was very mindful not to make them feel like skivvies, but expected them to keep their bedrooms tidy, bring their washing down, help make the beds, remove whatever they brought into shared living areas ( living room/kitchen ) back to their bedrooms when they went to bed

But I did offer cash for chores. Aged 13, the step daughter would happily clean the kitchen cupboard doors or vaccum the stairs for an extra £5 allowance

Im of the school of all those sharing the space are responsible for the upkeep of that space, However even after 30 years of marriage , Im still correcting DH when he says stuff like " Ive peeled the potatoes for you "

I dont eat potatoes ffs, hes peeled them for HIM lol

I'm another who never gave specific chores, it was a "we live here together, I expect you to help". At 11, she kept her room tidy and helped me when I did stuff - I'd hoover and I'd ask her to dust, or on bed changing day, we'd do it together etc. She also never had pocket money linked to helping - she got pocket money because it was fair to give her some money of her own and she helped me because that was also fair.

Eldest has selected a school trip they would like to attend. In exchange for us paying trip, they’re doing additional things around the house to those of younger siblings. As standard they’re each responsible for their bedrooms. But they do: dusting, vacuuming, general tidying, loading / emptying dishwasher / washing machine, etc. We don’t talk of them as chores. We’re a large family, both parents working, so everyone has to do their bit.

My 12 and 14 YO don't do any of these 😬

We have a 13 year old who can pretty much do everything even cook, he learnt from an early age that everyone does everything from making beds,hoovering,cleaning bathrooms etc. Now we have 3 toddlers under 3 and they already copy pulling there bed together, emptying bins,taking cups and plates to the sink,toys away etc. I think they all worked out the quicker they help mummy the quicker they get to the park,river etc haha

You're not alone....mine are 13, 16 and 17 and don't do half of this lol. They empty the dishwasher daily and clean the bathrooms weekly (there are 3 and 3 kids) but the bathrooms takes a lot of hassling/reminding.
Very ocassionally cook. Set the table daily. Supposedly keep their rooms tidy 🤣
I don't know anyone that gets kids to do all the stuff people talk about here.... mostly I find it's quicker and easier to do it myself than get them to do it.

All depends obviously on your DS's ASD but things which can work for both:

setting the table and helping clearing it after a meal
putting away toys and other things in the living room at the end of the day
putting away their clothes, either into the laundry bin or if washed into the cupboard
bringing out the rubbish
drying dishes and putting them away

DD has ASD and ADHD. She is great if focused but needs to have a fairly strict schedule. So no "can you help me pegging the washing" as an ad-hoc one but "can you empty the dryer after dinner".

@Chocolatebrownieyum

dishwasher
bathrooms
cook
Set the table
keep their rooms tidy

Mine don't do those. The daft thing is school registered them as young carers too.

When I say they do nothing I can't think of 1 single thing. They do their own hair (I have to straighten the back!!!)

Gosh, I clearly expect a lot for my two 11 and 8

They can do everything I can do. The only difference is supervised and unsupervised.

No rota, everyone mucks in with what's needed at the time.

We had our 10 year old put clothes away. I'd wash and dry them, leave them out for him and by the end of the day if he'd put them away he'd get £2. Not loads of money but I was trying to show him it soon adds up if he does it four or five times a week.

He saved up enough for something he wanted then just stopped. Great stuff.

@Usernamewassavedsuccessfully we don't tie pocket money to chores either. I can totally see my son's logical brain going "oh well, I don't really need it; I'm going to opt not to do the chores and not have the money." And I might have too, at that age.

We also try to generate the idea that we all live here and all have a responsibility to keep the place livable. We have very different standards, though!

Let them be a child! Some people here treating their kids like slaves!
Keeping their room tidy should be enough. And help out when needed around the house, clear their plates etc but not having them clean the house etc do the washing, hoover and mop the floors, this is bordering on abuse!

My sons 17 with cerebral palsy (has no use of his right hand) autism and epilepsy, he hoovers upstairs, cleans the bathroom and cleans his bedroom (I don't make him strip his bed as he can't manage). He probably doesn't do as much as most 'kids' his age, but he's been doing this since he was 6/7.

Write a list of chores and get them to tick it off when they've done it.

Abuse? This is why some men are like they are. My ex's mum wouldn't let him do anything, he couldn't even make a cup of tea at the age of 30, because his mummy said it was abuse

It’s great you are getting her started.
If you all live in the house, all the chores are everyone’s responsibility. I find myself saying “it’s not my washing machine, it’s OUR’s” and my DD has been doing little things since was old enough to carry her own little plate to the sink. At 11 I was definitely doing lots of household jobs, and all the family just got on and did stuff.
I would think she could do things like: Keep room tidy, change bed linen, load/unload washing machine, lay table, wash up/dry up. Start learning to iron, hang washing out, clean bathroom, hoover, dust, mow the lawn, recycling, assisting with meal prep and moving to cooking/preparing basic meal, wash the car, clean the windows, water the plants.
My DD is 6 and is already a dab hand at a good number of these (not let her near the Iron!) and she’s happily getting on with them.
I don’t give her pocket money for everyday household jobs because that’s just part of being in a family, but I would for bringing in the wood burner logs or extra weeding, car washing etc.