It's just as dispiriting as it sounds. We watch a PowerPoint that tells us that we all have really valuable skills that employers are really keen to make use of. Except if that were true there would be nobody in the room, because we wouldn't be signing on at the DWP.
As the presentation goes on it becomes clear that we are Schrödinger's job seekers - simultaneously steering the UK back from the brink of underemployment ("YOU are the fastest growing sector of people seeking work") while also lazy as fuck ("35 years national insurance is the minimum, it doesn't mean you can just sit around ").
The question of Carer's Allowance comes up, and there's a long segue about how nobody really understands the figures for that.
We're told that employers have to be flexible now, to accommodate our needs, but the person giving the talk also states that she herself has to work 9-5 inflexibly. She does a little laugh at this point. She's having trouble getting the mouse to click - she's previously told us that her fingers don't work so well due to inflammation and nerve damage. It's not looking hopeful in terms of employer flexibility.
A woman injects herself with insulin.
The guy behind me is breathing quite raggedly. He asks if there is such a thing as a male menopause. He is told nice try, but there is not, there's no get out clause here.
We get told about computer skills programmes. A 63 yo woman who has osteoarthritis says she has already been on one, that it lasted 13 weeks and they had a different tutor every two weeks so all she learnt was how to switch on and type "www". Our facilitator says that yes, it's all tailored.
The entire thing lasts for two hours.
At one point the mask slips. Our stakeholding trainer tells us that the government wants us all working until we are 67 so we just have to get on with it. We knew that anyway so there's no relief.
I walk away at the end desperately trying to shake the taste and feel of it off me. I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a long time. I don't want them to overwhelm me. I'm doing other things, any things I can, to stop them. This session, this absolute abomination, is the lowest I've felt in a while. The hopelessness and futility and degradation is seeping into my bones and mind. None of this makes sense and none of it will ever be any good.