Did you regret having or not having a second child?

[Savemykitchen]

I see lots of threads about having children, but I'd like to hear experiences of going from 1 to 2. Im starting to think it's what I'd like, but there's no rationale for it and life will definitely be tougher

We just have one who is now 15 and I have no regrets over not having a second. DS has lots of good friends, several of whom are also only children. We have often gone away with friends so he has company for a beach holiday, for example, but it's nice to be just the three of us on something like a city break and not need to cater to a range of ages/ needs.

I don't get on with my sibling at all and we are not in touch, so I know when the time comes and I need to support my parents, or deal with their estate, it will be my DH who helps me with that.

We've been able to do lots for/with DS that wouldn't have been possible with more DC, and we are a very close family.

There's pros and cons to both, of course, but honestly I never wish we had had more DC and DS is perfectly happy and well adjusted (as much as 15 year olds can be!).

I'm glad I have one. Wasn't really a choice as I've never been able to have anymore. But dd is 13 and a joy. Our lives are so easy. Dd does a sport competitively and is training or at competitions are 5-6 days per week. I couldn't imagine juggling that with 2. Holidays are cheaper (we get free child places) and we usually go with family so dd is not lonely. We've lots of free time as a couple as dd has a sleepover at least once a fortnight (then we reciprocate).

Have a second because you want it but it will be harder, more expensive, risk of SEN and there's no guarantee they will get on. Listening to the bickering of siblings is enough to put me off.

We only have one and I don't regret it.

The original reasons were age and money, we were already mid/late thirties and I didn't fancy having a second one so late. Nursery costs 15 years ago were already huge in London and we both love our job too much to give it up.

I also had fairly bad PND, I was in therapy for over 6 months when DD was 11 months (it took me 1/2 year to admit something was wrong) and I was terrified going through this again.

We also like that we had enough disposable income to pay for everything, have savings for a larger house and money for DD.

DD is nearly 17 now and we also had 4 years of mental health struggle resulting in an ASD diagnosis, no idea what would have happened to a sibling while DH and I battled with this and our own sanity.

My number 2 was a surprise - we had said we wanted 2 but I think I would have really dithered about it if we had made the decision ourselves. At the time I thought that having two under two was the worst thing that could have happened to us. At 3.5 and 2, I can confidently say it’s the best thing that ever happened to us. 100% worth that incredibly hard first year.

I don't get on with my sibling at all and we are not in touch, so I know when the time comes and I need to support my parents, or deal with their estate, it will be my DH who helps me with that.

This!

I am now in that position. My sister is 8 years older, even when we were still in contact, it was loose as we are so different personalities.
My mum had to go to a care home as a matter of urgency after a bad fall and subsequent mobility loss. While I understand that my sister has ill health, all practical issues, money worries (I pay a lot out of my own pocket for travel and smaller items to make my mum comfortable) and even decisions about care is up to me and luckily I have a DH who is with me every step of the way.

I don't regret having a second, I had several miscarriages and at the time it broke my heart.

The one I have has not brought much pleasure and for at least the last 25 years has butted heads with his dad, I'm stuck in the middle.

Our second, dd2, is incredible. It took us a while to go for it as ds5 still doesn't sleep through the night and was a terrible baby with sleep, allergies, severe reflux, food aversion, ill health that continues, hyperactive. Dd2 is his opposite, she is so chilled, and healthy, and easy, and just lovely. The kids bicker of course, but they love each other to death, and they play together every day, and snuggle. 3 year 1 week age gap.

I'd love a third if I had the money (and time), but I wouldn't want to risk another baby like ds - he's an amazing little boy, my little sidekick, but he and we struggled so much as a baby, it was awful.

On the fence, I had extremely bad PND which lasted years, I think Dd would have liked a sibling but I think my ability to parent would have gone down the toilet and it would have been a very unpleasant environment whereas now we have a warm one. I’m an introvert and would have found two children overwhelming I think.

Would have loved to have had two. Not sure how I would have coped and having one means i can give them more attention, more financial resources etc, but still would have loved to have had more.

In case it makes you feel any better these large family events are not always as fun as they look and passive aggression is often rife!

Two was a good number for me - I wanted three but two was my limit, personal capacity to be a good parent-wise. I can see the sense in sticking to one. I never wanted that, but I have very fond memories of pottering around with my first child and always being able to do whatever we liked really. My time was torn more, and inevitably in favour of the younger one with more needs, so I only really regret some of the time I was not able to spend just sitting with her and enjoying being with her which I am trying to make up for by having things that just she and I do together now she is older.