Did you regret having or not having a second child?

[Savemykitchen]

I see lots of threads about having children, but I'd like to hear experiences of going from 1 to 2. Im starting to think it's what I'd like, but there's no rationale for it and life will definitely be tougher

My experience is that It's tougher initially but then it becomes easier as the dcs keep each other company and there's less demand for my attention.

I started a thread today about going from 2 to 3! We absolutely love having two kids. Tough for the first couple of years, and it took consistent effort to help nurture their relationship. But they're now best buddies and (best of all!) they keep each other entertained for a while so I can have a break! They both gain so much from having a sibling. It can be hectic, difficult and chaotic sometimes but it gets easier and then surpasses having one child because you're no longer solely responsible for entertaining that child at home. If you're lucky, your child has a friend for life. I'd whole heartedly recommend it.

I do not regret sticking to one child. I felt a bit guilty around age 4, but we eventually figured out that dc had SN. I was very happy we were able to give our one child all our resources and set up our household to run in a way that prioritized one child’s needs without compromise.

I'm so thankful I had number 2, he was very very much an accident 😂 2 is enough for me though.

I'm very happy I went for a second dc, but I dithered too long in making the decision and I regret the larger age gap (4 yrs - took a while to fall pg). Youngest is 2 and still too young to play properly, so I have yet to experience this magical "they play together and leave me alone" experience. I do like that our family feels more complete and idealised, it just feels like the right number.

Life is tougher with 2 ime. I think at heart I'm a better parent to one dc as I like to spoil them with lots of activities, focused one to one time, and it's hard work ferrying to activities with a toddler in tow, and will be harder in future with 2 lots of extracurriculars to juggle. DH and I spend a lot of our weekend time entertaining the dcs and taking them out to be entertained, usually one parent with each child - we're not the sort who are happy to leave them to play at home all weekend., so they still demand a lot of attention, and enjoy playing games as a family.

I don't regret just having one as i had neither the funds nor desire to have more but, now I'm at an age where they would all be grown up and moved out, I regret not having more adult children.

Rearing a larger family wasn't for me so that part isn't a regret but I am envious of people with e.g 4 adult children, their partners and lots of Grandchildren round the Xmas dinner table.

I am so glad I had my second child. There is an eleven year gap between them. I had no illusions about them automatically being friends or company with a closer age gap .. there was less than three years total between my sisters and brother and they weren’t friends till they grew up!

I don't regret having my 2nd - they have a 10.5 year age gap .... but I don't regret having her.
Life was harder (slightly) for the first year for me - but since then it's been fine. Odd occasion where things are tough (theme parks for example - so we just make sure there's extra adults / friends to be with the eldest)
They're at the age where they can be great little friends - or argue because the youngest is touching the eldest things or wants to sit in her room with her but I guess that happens with every siblings - regardless of age lol

She is a little terror and I wouldn't go from 2-3 lol ... but I love her! I'm sad I waited so long if I'm honest - but relationships and uni got in the way & it covid hadn't of happened then there would have been an even bigger age gap than what I have already.

I had said that my cut off age for having children was 35 - so if I hadn't of had any before I turned 35 I wouldn't have had anymore. (I'm still under 35 now so could have another if I really wanted but I don't!)

I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old. Going to 2 has definitely tougher, not just because of lack of sleep but mainly because I feel guilty at not being able to give my 3 year old the attention he deserves all the time.

Thankfully he is nursery, and I have to be honest and say that not breastfeeding has really freed me up to spend more one on one time with DC1 at the weekend.

There will be 10 months where we have to pay for 2 nursery fees, so that will be tough.

But ultimately I always said I wanted 2 kids or none. I wouldn’t have wanted DC1 to be an only child as with our current family circumstances, he doesn’t have any other family members around his age.

I only have a small window of experience as ds2 is only 18 days old lol

I am so pleased we went for 2. My DS1 is 5 years old and absolutely obsessed with his brother. He thinks he is the best thing ever!

I started trying for a second baby when my first turned one, was lucky enough to get pregnant first time and have no regrets at all, I absolutely love having two 21 months apart. Both girls and they are the best of friends.

My boys are 4 and 6 - I'm so glad o had my 2nd.
He was like a lightening bolt and they are SO different to each other, but they love the bones of each other and despite the odd spat, generally get on really well.
They're both campaigning for another - DS4 is desperate for a sister! I could be convinced... but my husband could not 🤣

Would be a very similar situation for us too. The nursery costs are a big negative as DC1 is a September baby. I already see he's a sociable child, waving at everyone and anything, and absolutely fascinated by other kids when we're out. I really worry he'll be lonely/an outsider as an only child. I know friendship isn't guaranteed.

Just to clarify my previous comment. I'm not saying all only child's are lonely. I just worry that DCs temperament may be more suited to siblings.

But then maybe I'm justifying my own desires 😅 god why does everything have to be so fucking expensive right now.

Curious how you nurtured their relationship. Any examples please?

Not for a second
timing wasn’t ideal, he came along 20 months after the first which was sooner than we wanted and I can’t remember the first couple of years of having two, a total blur.
they’re now in 10 and 8 and so different.
I was an only growing up and looking back was quite lonely- I’m pleased mine aren’t lonely.

We have a 2 year gap between our only two.

Yes it's hard, both parents full time at home for a bit, it was more of a shock to H than me as I was already full time child.

Less sleep than with first because when baby naps in day then toddler wants full undiluted attention, this is assuming a smaller age gap

But it was the best thing we ever did, we always said teo. They used to play, now talking about school, they kept each other company on holidays, they gave different strengths and weaknesses and it rubs off on both.

They love each other more than they love us which is how it should be.

Watching their relationship grow, continue to grow has been a total pleasure.

It has made pampered one more balanced with sharing.

And they will have each other when we die, all going well, who else will they recall family holidays with?

Not a single regret about second

Would never have a third it's expensive enough.

No regret, but I always knew if I was going to have children, I wanted two. As I have a very close relationship with my sister, and just couldn't imagine being an only (no disrespect to those that do stick with one)

I was more undecided about having kids at all, but did as DH was keen. He was ambivalent about a second though and would have happily stopped at one. Nowadays DH says he can't believe he thought that, as he couldn't imagine not having DS2. Frankly it would be a nightmare without him, as they play together loads and leave me out of it! DS1 is an complete extrovert and cannot cope without company, so he'd be driving me (an introvert) absolutely crazy if DS2 wasn't there! 😆

There is a rationale for it.

We had our second not just for ourselves but for our first. So they should have someone going forward in life, like when they have to bury us. Or when on holiday they go swimming together. They talk to each other about their school life including problems and crazy characters, as much as we can try we are not and never have been teenagers in school when there are smartphones about.

Them learning that sometimes they can't do something because the other takes priority, it's only occasionally, but they learn that the universe doesn't revolve around them, that sometimes not even this house does.

There is rationale, well there was with us. It's turning out better than we imagined to be fair.

Me! I regret my second! Love him to death as a person.....however if I had never met him and known how hard it would be, I wouldn't have had two.

Our first was a classic easy child. At 9, still lovely and easy. Lulled us into a false sense of security.
2nd child complete opposite. Honestly such a character and absolutely not easy! If we had had them first we definitely would have kept them as an only and not risked it.

Regret is a strong word isn't it. I love both my children. If I could have a universe where I could parent them both separately then it would be ideal. I wish we had just been happy though and kept with an easy only. But then my heart breaks at not having number two because he exists now and we love him! Our lives would be incomplete without him now.

Youngest is in the terrible 3s though so perhaps I will feel different in a few years time.

I'm glad I had 2. They are young adults now and have been a joy to bring up. They do argue, there were times it was hard work but I don't regret it at all

Best thing we did. Took a lot of effort and heartache, worth it all. 3.5/9 months

My dad said something so similar to me when I was debating whether to have a 3rd, that when you’re in your 60s the more the better.

Absolutely the right decision to have a second for us. It is tougher in some ways- we are poorer, more chaotic, etc etc and it’s hard work. They are 6 and 3 now and I feel we are just coming out of the hard and expensive baby phase. It is just amazing to see them playing together and the bond they have most of the time is great. Our youngest adds so much to our family and is just brilliant and slotted right in. It is also lovely we will get to do all those firsts again with them - first day at school etc. with the second we are much more chilled and don’t worry so much about milestones, illnesses etc which I think in turn has made the DC more relaxed and chilled… Def stopping at 2 though!

Dd2 light of our lives. Super fun. Two teens now get on so well very different but we have a brilliant dynamic as 4. Both very keen to come on holiday with us as we genuinely have fun together. Feel v lucky wouldn’t change anything