Help finding specialist family therapist for mum’s alcoholism

[Redheadredemption]

I am trying to find a very specific type of therapist in London who can help me, my father and my sister together so we can work out a strategy to support her with her alcoholism, whilst also feeling safe to talk about the impact on us. My sister and I have accessed therapy ourselves and so this is very much years in the preparation.

My mum knows she needs help, but we - for various reasons - need time as a trio quickly with a specialist who gets it before we compassionately intervene, as a team, to help her with her alcohol abuse in a way that does not backfire or cause harm.

I am struggling to find a professional via the usual directories and Google who works with families coping with another family member’s alcoholism/addiction but I know this must exist. Thank you in advance for suggestions.

Oh and my dad is on board. Finances not a concern here.

I don’t know about finding a therapist but have you tried Al-Anon for support?

https://al-anonuk.org.uk/

Could try these. Might not be in your borough, but might be able to signpost you. Home - Adfam

Any other ideas? Thank you so much for the two links so far!

Sometimes you can’t avoid backfire and harm.

Ask yourself is this is a realistic goal when dealing with an alcoholic?

You say your Mum knows she needs help. If money is no option can your Mum go to a private rehab? Would she need medical withdrawal support or just psychological? I think places like the Priory offer family support too.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/alanon-communities-wales-roehampton-london-b2368327.html

This article talks about some services.

As pp have suggested, please go to an Al Anon meeting. You will find help and support from people who have been through/are going through the same thing.

I've been sober since 1989. I went to rehab for six weeks and then followed it up by about four or five AA meetings a week for some years. It was the best thing I ever did. Rehab is costly but AA is free. But to me it's been priceless.

AA meetings can be funny, moving, deep, educational... You get people from all parts of society - from street drunks to head teachers. We form a fellowship of drunks to stay sober. The newcomer is always the most important person in the room.

I tried counselling just as you describe. I tried everything I could. Anything but AA. I had the idea that AA was some sort of religious cult, like Scientology. I was completely wrong. Rehab gave me the tools and AA gave me a community.

A family member who was a chronic alcoholic with all of the immediate family turning a blind eye/emotionally not capable of dealing with it had a major medical event as a result of her alcoholism. I'm not immediate family but I wanted to help so I found a rehab and made the arrangements for her to go there directly from hospital. It was a 28 day residential program. Barring a couple of relapses, she's been alcohol free since (about 2 years). It cost £15k. She didn't want to go when I told her, but she did go and that's definitely the reason she's still with us today.

You did not cause it. You cannot control it and you cannot curd it. This is your mother's illness and unless she is willing to access help and support there is nothing you can do that will help. By all means access therapy to help you with your feelings about your mother's alcoholism, but dont think any reputable therapist will Help you work out how to sort it out. You can't .

I don't think there would be a therapist of the kind you are looking for because in general you wouldn't get family therapy with someone who was an alcoholic and still drinking.

Just coming back as may have misread the OP, if you are looking for a therapist to work just with you, your father and sister then I'm sure you would find a therapist to work with you. You say you and your sister have had therapy before so maybe you could get a recommendation from the therapist you used.

I also think this will be the case. If your Mum wants to stop drinking then great but it’s a long road and family therapy needs to happen later.

Talk to Al Anon, go along to a support meeting. It’s easy to think you can cure a relative’s alcoholism , I thought I could and he told me I could ( tactic to keep me engaged/ onside) Al Anon helped me to see exactly what alcoholism is. And exactly what I couldn’t do.

Nothing will help your Mother with her drinking,if she doesn’t want help.

Call Al-anon,it is free,no waiting list.Same as A.A. I have been sober 21years and still attend a lot of A.A. meetings,there are thousands on zoom now,there are also zoom Al-anon meetings.

My Mother was also an alcoholic,but she never wanted to stop drinking…it killed her.I was desperate to stop,but I couldn’t,yet since my first A.A. meeting in 2003 I have stayed sober.

Alcoholism is bloody awful.I wish you well.

Totally this. Al-Anon is good for helping you accept what you can and cannot do. No matter how much you want to you can't fix this for you mum. You can only support her to fix it for herself.

Another vote for AlAnon and AA. They’re the real experts, they completely get it.

Thank you so much everyone. I have found an AI Anon meeting near me and I’m going to see if my sister can come too.