Two or three children?

TwoThreeOrNotTwoThree · 2024-04-25T14:06:11+00:00

People who had two or three kids, what was your reasoning for that decision? Just looking for people who actively made the decision to stick with two kids or go for a third ☺️ We're at the point where it's now or never! And please, if you wouldn't mind sharing, does anyone regret having a third?

BusyCM · 25/04/2024 15:08

We had a third, have never regretted it. She's very different to the first 2 where they are very similar so she brings new interests and energy to the family. They are all teens now.

Overthebow · 25/04/2024 15:15

We’ve got 2 and aren’t going to have a 3rd. Our reasoning is that we can comfortably afford 2 and give them the lifestyle we want with me working part time so no full time nursery/after school clubs, get to go on holidays and days out and we are able to save a decent amount for their futures. We wouldn’t be able to afford that with 3. Also we don’t get much family help as don’t have family nearby so 3 would be a challenge, we’d just be spread too thin to give them the attention they need individually.

pinkmags · 25/04/2024 15:20

We have 2 because we can afford a good lifestyle with them. Also, so much of today's world is geared to a family of 4 - cars, restaurant tables, hotel rooms, playing tennis, golf etc - it just makes life easier.

Lastly, two adults and two children mean that there's always a parent available for a child, say for weekend sports, activities etc

pinkmags · 25/04/2024 15:21

Op, I highly doubt that any parent will admit to regretting a third child!!!

Original poster

TwoThreeOrNotTwoThree · 25/04/2024 15:57

pinkmags · 25/04/2024 15:21

Op, I highly doubt that any parent will admit to regretting a third child!!!

You'd be surprised, there are a lot of anonymous posts online from people who regret a third, for whatever reason.

OP posts:

IncessantNameChanger · 25/04/2024 16:06

I don't regret my third ( or fourth tbh!). Going from 2-3 was easy. It's still easy to fit in the car, go on holiday etc.

However. Dc2 was diagnosed with sen at 6. Dc3 was 2. Dc3 then turned out to have quite severe sen. Juggling more than one child with sen is hard and really a full time job some weeks.

It's all great when they are young. But one going to uni while one sits gcses and the third is plodding along nicely can be a bit busy if say ones stressed about gcses, one needs handholding through uni applications snd the other is having a hormone surge.

In reality we don't have those kinds of issues. We can afford tutors. We have had to very different priorities. Our cars are ten years old, but I rather pay for tutors as and when as I can't do the homework/ study support justice.

If something on the SEN radar pops up they take priority and of course I can't do the siblings full attention.

However. I went to the cinema with my three sons on Monday 12,16 and 20 and I just felt so proud and happy. We was all joking and laughing and I really do feel lucky I have these amazing young people in my life.

I can only give all of them clubs, holidays and 1:1 quality time by having a un pristine house and my carer nose diving. Working full time with three kids life admin was hard.

pinkmags · 25/04/2024 16:18

It's all great when they are young. But one going to uni while one sits gcses and the third is plodding along nicely can be a bit busy if say ones stressed about gcses, one needs handholding through uni applications snd the other is having a hormone surge.

Often at a time when we ourselves suffer from menopausal symptoms...!

Original poster

TwoThreeOrNotTwoThree · 25/04/2024 16:34

IncessantNameChanger · 25/04/2024 16:06

I don't regret my third ( or fourth tbh!). Going from 2-3 was easy. It's still easy to fit in the car, go on holiday etc.

However. Dc2 was diagnosed with sen at 6. Dc3 was 2. Dc3 then turned out to have quite severe sen. Juggling more than one child with sen is hard and really a full time job some weeks.

It's all great when they are young. But one going to uni while one sits gcses and the third is plodding along nicely can be a bit busy if say ones stressed about gcses, one needs handholding through uni applications snd the other is having a hormone surge.

In reality we don't have those kinds of issues. We can afford tutors. We have had to very different priorities. Our cars are ten years old, but I rather pay for tutors as and when as I can't do the homework/ study support justice.

If something on the SEN radar pops up they take priority and of course I can't do the siblings full attention.

However. I went to the cinema with my three sons on Monday 12,16 and 20 and I just felt so proud and happy. We was all joking and laughing and I really do feel lucky I have these amazing young people in my life.

I can only give all of them clubs, holidays and 1:1 quality time by having a un pristine house and my carer nose diving. Working full time with three kids life admin was hard.

This is part of our hesitation. One of our children has SEN, although mild, and I worry that it might present more seriously with a subsequent child. As you know, it can be difficult to juggle! Part of me thinks it's more sensible to stick with two, but our kids have such a wonderful bond that I would love to add more siblings to the family.

OP posts:

Drench · 25/04/2024 16:36

I had a third because my only sibling died under very sad circumstances when I was a teenager. I vowed to always have at least three when I was ready to negate the danger of one of them being alone… this might sound dramatic and I’m not saying all only children are lonely and sad but once you’ve grown up with a much loved sibling, to be left with none was and still is really really hard. My parents are now ageing and my dad has Alzheimer’s and it’s just me dealing with it… I think 3 is also a really good dynamic - less pressure, they’re a real team / powerhouse when they’re all together!

Original poster

TwoThreeOrNotTwoThree · 25/04/2024 16:49

Drench · 25/04/2024 16:36

I had a third because my only sibling died under very sad circumstances when I was a teenager. I vowed to always have at least three when I was ready to negate the danger of one of them being alone… this might sound dramatic and I’m not saying all only children are lonely and sad but once you’ve grown up with a much loved sibling, to be left with none was and still is really really hard. My parents are now ageing and my dad has Alzheimer’s and it’s just me dealing with it… I think 3 is also a really good dynamic - less pressure, they’re a real team / powerhouse when they’re all together!

I am very sorry for your loss. This absolutely has crossed my mind but I find I can't talk to anyone about it without being accused of being morbid.

OP posts:

VibeOnWithMyGalPals · 25/04/2024 16:52

pinkmags · 25/04/2024 16:18

It's all great when they are young. But one going to uni while one sits gcses and the third is plodding along nicely can be a bit busy if say ones stressed about gcses, one needs handholding through uni applications snd the other is having a hormone surge.

Often at a time when we ourselves suffer from menopausal symptoms...!

And elderly parents!

gkdf · 25/04/2024 17:24

If it's the SEN aspect you're worried about it's not a given the third child will be affected. My DC2 has SEN, DC3 doesn't. If however having another child with SEN is a deal breaker then I wouldn't try again.

I don't regret DC3, she's a completely different personality to the others and she really adds to the family.

pinkmags · 25/04/2024 18:15

our kids have such a wonderful bond that I would love to add more siblings to the family.

Firstly, that wonderful bond may change if a third sibling is added

And secondly, it is actually rare that siblings get on so well, so you are very lucky and imo count your blessings.

Bettyboop2530 · 25/04/2024 18:19

Sticking with 2 because they both have 'severe chronic eczema', one has a peanut allergy and the other is being investigated for an immunological condition. It's a lot of work and we like having 1 adult to 1 child ratio, we physically couldn't have another child. That being said, if they didn't have the eczema, I would have gone for 4! Sorry that's not much help 🤦🏼‍♀️

TheSnowyOwl · 25/04/2024 18:23

My third child died but was never regretted and nor was my fourth, although I wouldn’t have gone on to have four of my third has lived. My eldest two have sen but my youngest doesn’t. They are all very close and a great team. I don’t regret any of them but we are lucky financially which makes things much easier.

theteddybear · 25/04/2024 19:06

I thought I'd probably have 3 kids. We then had 2 girls and I thought we probably wld have another. However we stuck at 2 and initially I was a little sad. Thought we both might change our mind. We have 2.5yrs age gap. If we were going to have another I'd have probably had similar maybe a bit of a larger age gap.

Youngest is now 4 and if anything I think omg how wld I cope with another one. Eldest is almost 7, we have so much more freedom. I can't imagine going back to sleepless nights and all the rest! Our youngest will be starting school in August 😁 I'm hoping to have so much more time to do stuff on my 2 days off during the week 🤞🏻

I also now realise the price of hobbies, holiday clubs and general days out etc for the 4 of us. Adding another child really wld be quite a bit more expensive not to mention many more years of nursery fees (Scotland only funded from age 3 still). We could afford it but I'm still pretty glad we didn't have another. Although I still love the idea of another but not the reality!

WeightoftheWorld · 25/04/2024 19:47

I'm pregnant with our third. Reasoning was exactly the same as our reasoning for wanting the first and second tbh! We wanted another member of the family and we are confident that we can provide for them both in a material sense and a love/time/connection one.

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