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Original poster

small age gap between children followed by bigger gap... advice/insight?

10 replies

Essie274 · 25/04/2024 13:37

We have two boys aged 4 and 2. I absolutely loved the age gap between them (2y3m) and would have loved to have had the same gap again, but DH wasn't on board with having a third child until very recently, but he'd prefer to wait another 12 months or so before TTC (and realistically we wouldn't be aiming for a baby to be born in Dec/Jan as DH wouldn't be able to take any time off so would delay even more) for very good reasons, so age gap would be around 4y between DS2 and potential third child assuming it doesn't take us long to conceive (we've not had problems in the past, but you never know). My worry is that the older two will be close in age and play together, have similar interests for days out etc and then the younger one will always feel left out. I know lots of people with 4/5/6 year between their first and second child and they have lovely relationships so it seems, but I don't know anyone who had two relatively close together and then a third child with a bigger gap.

Any insights would be very much appreciated, thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Essie274 · 25/04/2024 13:38

Also hope this is ok to post in chat, wasn't sure which topic would be relevant

OP posts:
Starsandflowers · 25/04/2024 13:49

I have an 8yo a 5yo and a 2 month old. And I really love it. The elder two are so sweet with the baby. My eldest wants to hold her and make her laugh all the time.

Original poster
Essie274 · 25/04/2024 13:59

@Starsandflowers thank you for sharing - it does help to hear these things.

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4 year olds Families
USaYwHatNow · 25/04/2024 13:59

I was 10 and my brother was 7 when our sister came along. That's how long it took for my mum to persuade my dad 😂 we didn't have much to do with her when we were growing up socially, obviously, as when I was out clubbing and going to uni she was still in primary school! We're now 32 and 22 and really close! She also has a good relationship with our brother.

I don't recall her ever saying she felt left out, though she did cry a lot when she realised she couldn't come to my prom with me. She was only 6 though....

kieaindram · 25/04/2024 14:12

We had 3 examples of this in my wider family - my mum's sister, my sister and my cousin. All had 1-2 year age gap between DC1s 1&2, then 4-7 year age gap between DCs 2&3. All of them have ended up having a DC4 to keep DC3 company. It's definitely harder to have holidays and days out with that combo, especially if you don't always have 2 parents on hand. I would often go out on day trips with my sister as her DH worked away often, and she couldn't manage them all on her own because they wanted to be doing different things (but in the same place, like on a beach or at a theme park).

zaxxon · 25/04/2024 14:16

I was the third child in that scenario, with two sisters aged 6 and 7 years older. It was fantastic when I was little, because they came up with fun little games for me, and they were brilliant babysitters. I adored them.

It was difficult when I was 12-13, though, because they both went off to uni in quick succession, leaving me alone with my parents. Until then I had flown under the radar, but suddenly all the attention was on me, which was awkward. Plus we all missed them. Generally things were worse after that.

Nagado · 25/04/2024 14:50

I think there’s always a chance of two of them ganging up on the third when you have three, and each one of them will take their turn. You might also find that the eldest becomes quite protective over the youngest.

There’s five years between me and my younger sibling. There are thirteen months between her and the next two siblings (unplanned and premature twins). We all took turns in being each other’s best friend and sworn enemy, depending on which way the wind blew.

Original poster
Essie274 · 25/04/2024 18:57

kieaindram · 25/04/2024 14:12

We had 3 examples of this in my wider family - my mum's sister, my sister and my cousin. All had 1-2 year age gap between DC1s 1&2, then 4-7 year age gap between DCs 2&3. All of them have ended up having a DC4 to keep DC3 company. It's definitely harder to have holidays and days out with that combo, especially if you don't always have 2 parents on hand. I would often go out on day trips with my sister as her DH worked away often, and she couldn't manage them all on her own because they wanted to be doing different things (but in the same place, like on a beach or at a theme park).

I would love 4 children so this would be my preference, but DH very much doesn't (he was one of 5 boys born in 6 years and while him and his brothers are close he says it was pure chaos especially when they were teenagers)

OP posts:
Matilda1981 · 25/04/2024 19:09

I have 18 months between my first 2 and then a 5 year gap to my 3rd, I had already decided I didn’t want 3 so had a 4th 18 months after the 3rd.

I think you will find that three is a crowd!!! All 4 of mine get on well and there is never anyone left out - if the older ones are doing something their age the younger ones still have someone to hang around with etc mine are all girls so I’m not sure if that makes a difference.

If there had been 5 years between the older 2 I would have stuck at 3.

DottyPencil · 25/04/2024 19:15

I wish I hadn't left the longer gap and so does DS3

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