Can I ask for tips on how to not care about these disputes?

[AlwaysCloudyAtNoon]

Long story short. We moved into our dream house about a decade ago. From the off our neighbour has been hostile. It finally took a few years before someone told me that his son and DIL had put an offer in the house but we had a higher offer. He clearly resents this.

He just targets us all the time. he throws rubbish onto our side of the fence. He reported DH to environmental health for putting up a bird feeder. He had a phase of shoving anonymous notes (but they can only have come from him) through our door saying all our neighbours hate us. Etc etc etc. When I go into my garden he shouts abuse at me. He has shouted abuse at my gardener because he did not approve of the way she was pruning MY rose bush in my garden. I have documented that incident.

Thing is- he is elderly now... mid 80s and I have been basically just grey rocking him and not engaging, because he is clearly not quite right in the head. I have in my mind I'll eventually go to the police for harassment (I have kept the notes and texts etc) but DH has finally lost his temper about it all and when the neighbour comes to shout over our fence he goes and shouts back.

It's all stressing me out beyond belief. I can't sleep. I don't feel comfortable going into my garden. I want to move but DH flat out refuses because he does not think we should be driven away by this person.

So I guess I am asking- any tips to help me just relax and not worry about it so much? I never know what is coming next. Somehow he got my mobile number and every couple of days sends other messages accusing us of all sorts. I don't want to block just yet because I feel like I need to build an evidence base in case I do go to the police. But in the meantime this is literally ruining my peace of mind. His son and DIL do visit from time to time but they completely ignore us so I am not talking to them. I just need some idea as to how - simply- give less of a shit.

Sorry for length and TIA

If you proof, which you do, I would go to the police. And film him.

Yes. I think I am coming to that conclusion. if I go out in the garden this afternoon I'll get DH to film it. I've already told him once when eh texted me to please not contact me again. So as far as I am aware the fact he continues to do so hits the harassment threshold.

CCTV cameras ASAP. Front, side and back garden. A Eufy doorbell and cameras can be hooked up to your phone.

Makes sure CCTV doesn't capture his property, but that it covers your property lines (you can manually block things on camera so you can demonstrate it this if asked).

Message him back, tell him that he is not to contact either of you any more or throw anything into your property as this is harassment and you'll be reporting him to the police if it continues, and block him.

Tell the neighbours what is happening.

Tell the son what is happening and ask him to intervene with his dad - express concerns for him as it's strange behaviour... But also advise that it's been going on a long time and if it continues you'll have no choice but to involve the police.

I'd simply write him a sort of cease and desist letter.
I'd outline the behaviours that you mentioned above and say that if these continue you will be reporting him to police along with the evidence that you've retained.
That may or may not work but at least you've given him fair warning.

Report to police.
You could also report your concerns to Adult social care.

You say his son and daughter in law visit from time to time... This doesn't sound like a couple who wanted to live next door . Did they really put in an offer? Or perhaps their offer was extremely low.

Thinking it through, if you do want to move, or feel like it might end up becoming a necessity then a neighbour dispute reported to the police will have to be declared.

This guy is old and potentially may not live there for that much longer, but presumably his son and DIL would inherit and might move in.

Beating these things in mind, if it were me my first action would be to record him several times (without DH responding). Then approach his son and show him the video, and tell him how long this has been going on. I would say both that you are concerned for the man (truth is not important here) and that it is very hard for you to deal with.

If that doesn't help, only then would I consider police, but if your DH is responding this will complicate matters and I would seriously counsel him to stop.

As the above, but you really need your DH not to engage as well or it could blow up.

He will die at some stage

I wouldn't have put up with it as long as you have. I would had the police round to give him a talking to years ago.
Failing that, it might be shit through the letterbox time 😉

I am a bit concerned about him tbh. He's always been a total shit, but his behaviour is erratic and concerning.

Agree about getting DH to calm down and refuse to engage.

Reading all replies and mulling hard. Thank you everyone most sincerely for giving my post your thoughts.

I would suggest you avoid involving police if you can - he is elderly (so this is hopefully not going to go on forever) and you want to avoid declaring a neighbour dispute

You may have no plans to sell anytime soon, but things can always change

Sounds like police involvement is long overdue, why have you let this go on so long?

Ah, let's hope he dies soon rather than hold an adult male accountable for his actions...

Weird take.