I’d love advice on what to do about this friendship.
background:
- friends since primary school (now early 40s) so huge history.
- in and out of lives through uni but always stayed friends
- when lived in same town saw each other regularly and friendship was very strong
- shes had a lot of ups and downs in her life - think parent’s death, always a drama in her marriage, kids who are hard work and she can be a bit emotionally unstable.
- I really value her friendship BUT
She is TERRIBLE at keeping in touch when nothing “big” is happening with her. I get it, life is busy but I’m struggling with the balance.
when something is happening in her life she will be in constant contact, messaging, phone etc and I will always be there to support.
However when things have calmed down and “normal” life resumes I find she won’t read / reply to my messages for days and days, never available for a call, doesn’t often initiate contact herself or ever check in to see how I am. I’ve had some personal issues recently where my aunt died. I left her a voice note (which I never ever do so she would’ve known it was something important) and she didn’t listen to it for 4 days so I just deleted it, and she has no idea.
I don’t want to chase and beg her for attention when I need it and I have other friends I can turn to so I don’t “need” her like that. But I am feeling a bit hurt that while I seem to always be there when she needs me, once she doesn’t ‘need’ me, she can’t find time in her life to even list to a short voice note.
whenever we see each other she talks about how important I am to her and how much she misses me. But we won’t ever live in the same town again, this is our life and friendship now - and so unless she’s prepared to engage over messages / phone do I just accept that that regular friendship is over? And we’re just friends who catch up annually? But then I can’t not be there for her when she calls and needs help, but I’m becoming so bitter it’s not returned. I know of I relentlessly messaged and told her she had to listen to the voice note she would and would be there - but I don’t want to beg!