Alcohol and Controlling Behaviour ?

[SussexPup]

I am posting in a more general forum to try to get some thoughts. I am separated from my Husband. He is an alcoholic,and when drunk, angry, violent and abusive. He exhibited coercive behaviours to me (such as hideous text messages and phone calls. when I was at work or with relatives and he wanted me home). I’m safe, have all the protection orders needed and am talking to a lot of people. I’m trying to understand and explore how much the alcohol was just another excuse for the behaviour, along with ‘side effects of drugs’, PTSD etc etc. When not drunk he could be lovely, and I do miss that version of him. So I suppose my question is can an alcoholic not be abusive and it was all another excuse, or do the two go hand in hand?

Someone who is abusive is abusive, and alcohol can make it worse. But getting sober won't make an abuser no longer abuse. I'm a now sober alcoholic, and I have never been abusive to anyone. I know lots of alcoholics, and while they may have behaved foolishly at times, I wouldn't class any of them as abusive (except to themselves). Sometimes it's easier to blame behaviour on a substance because it means we don't have to blame the person. But the reality is that some people just aren't nice people, no matter if they drink or not.