Exhausted by high school drama

[AnnetteKurtan]

DD is in her first year of high school. She tends to keep herself to herself. The first year hasn’t been so great for her - she seems to be a target for bullies.

Recently we had a torrid time with a bully and eventually her and her friend sent explicit images to DD. The police were involved but as her friend sent the images and didn’t attend the same school, the school didn’t do much. The number was untraceable to the police (but it did link to the girls social media’s 🙄) so they did nothing. Parents blissfully unaware.

Today I’ve discovered the bully has enlisted another friend to start on DD. There has been some nasty bitching and sending notes to others , slagging off DDs appearance. I can see this escalating fast.

DD quite an emotional little one sometimes so doesn’t cope well. It’s killing me because she doesn’t particularly want to talk to the school team because she feels she’s forever moaning about something, and she doesn’t feel they do much. I just want her to be able to go to school without feeling so miserable and hating every day.

I have the parents numbers, I could say something but I just expect a shitty response tbh.

I don’t know what I am supposed to do to make this better. Is my child meant to be more resilient? I don’t see why tbh, her soft nature shouldn’t be the issue.

is it always this nasty in high school?

When I say exhausted btw I mean I’m at the point of just crying, I feel like I’m failing my daughter and nothing can be controlled

I pulled my dd out just before the end of year 8 and she stayed at home for 10 weeks until she got a space in a new school.
i could not take the bullying (sometimes low level, sometimes needed police involvement) and the schools incompetent and lapsadaisy approach to dealing with it, she has been at a new school for 6 months and is thriving.

Are you in America?

I suppose it would be difficult for your daughter’s school to do anything about the person bullying, if that person attends a different school. Is the new person bullying also at a different school?

What is in place for your daughter at school to help her and who has she spoken to? Does she have friends there?

DD says she wouldn’t want to go elsewhere, and I understand as on the flip side it’s a very high performing school in our city. The others do have a worse rep for behaviour.

Her sister has SEN and these have been met massively by the school too. Any issues have been slapped down immediately by the school. DD is NT and seems to be having a way harder time, and I’m getting more and more angry but realising I feel so helpless too. And I keep putting on a strong front but I’m breaking inside

No

The main bully attends the same school. She spent some time in primary school starting her campaign against DD and I’d hoped it would get easier in high school, with it being bigger and them being separated. It has only gotten worse. The school say they did speak to the parents. I’m not so sure they know the scale of what happened or knew of the police involvement. She’s stayed a little further away from DD but her schoolmate seems to have been handed the baton as we’ve found today.

I really feel for you @AnnetteKurtan
My daughter was horribly bullied at one school and has spent the last year dealing with so much nastiness in the second school ( probably mainly because she made friends with a girl that had been bullied by a bunch of nasty little madams since year 7). I am so sick of it. The schools can't control the awful disruptive kids that make my dc's life a nightmare in class but they are breathing down my dc's neck if she skips a class to avoid these horrible people.
We only have this term and one more year to go. I can't bloody wait for secondary school to end. Said dc is the last of 3 to go through secondary, so I've had my fill of it. It does seem to be worse for the girls. Hold the school to their own policies. Insist they provide the safe environment they claim in their literature. Read and highlight their bullying and behaviour policies and hold them to every, single commitment; it's hard work but it's the only way.

Sorry, I thought the bully’s friend was at a different school.

It’s hard to know what to suggest, if she doesn’t want to change schools.

I’m sure you’ve had communication with the form tutor and pastoral head, but would you escalate it to a meeting with the head? It’s hard not to take matters into your own hands and speak to parents, but it might backfire on your daughter, which is the last thing you want.

Younger DD spent her final year in a different primary. She blossomed, she was honestly on top of her game, top of the class, made head of her house only a few weeks into her entry, and given lots of opportunities. She thrived. As the year began to end, the bully started on her, and now a year on were in this mess. DD is just a tiny fraction of herself again, her anxiety is sky high, confidence shattered, and her voice is unheard. DH is always worried collecting her from school, never knowing what mood she will be in.

On the other side, older DD is very well taken care of… having seen similar BS at primary, I can’t help but suspect its no coincidence that older DDs SEN helps secures funding for the school.