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Original poster

Ds Dad does not really know him

7 replies

Dsasd · 24/04/2024 12:25

Ds is 9 he has autism and learning difficulties. He's in year 4 working around year 1 level. Sometimes ds mentions he has autism his father shouts firmly " NO you are not, there nothing wrong with you "

The other day he was telling ds that in a few months time he will get him a phone. Sounding all excited saying things like daddy can send you a message you can send messages back. Sounding so excited a positive. Ds can hardly write 3/4 letter words and struggles alot with reading. I don't know maybe a phone could help I'm someway ? But his dad has no idea of his sons struggles .
Just Sounding of really and a bit frustrated that he's such the perfect Disney dad.

OP posts:
mossylog · 24/04/2024 12:32

Sending messages on a phone probably would help his writing come along, to be fair.

But you're right, not being on the same page about the autism diagnosis is only going to cause more problems as the child gets older.

Would it help if the dad learned about neurodiversity? Autism doesn't have to be framed as something wholly negative that the son struggles with, it can have positive aspects as well. Dad is understandably resistant to saying his son is deficient, so maybe try framing autism to him as a different way of experiencing the world rather than just a disorder.

Temporaryname158 · 24/04/2024 12:35

Do you live with dad or are you separated/divorced? If his dad is so delusional/aggressive and you are still together I think you need to leave

Original poster
Dsasd · 24/04/2024 12:57

mossylog · 24/04/2024 12:32

Sending messages on a phone probably would help his writing come along, to be fair.

But you're right, not being on the same page about the autism diagnosis is only going to cause more problems as the child gets older.

Would it help if the dad learned about neurodiversity? Autism doesn't have to be framed as something wholly negative that the son struggles with, it can have positive aspects as well. Dad is understandably resistant to saying his son is deficient, so maybe try framing autism to him as a different way of experiencing the world rather than just a disorder.

I don't think he would do it. He said at one point he feels mire accepting of it. But I don't think he really is . I used to show him reports etc . But he used to get really moody about them and his reaction was horrible so I stopped showing him.

OP posts:

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Original poster
Dsasd · 24/04/2024 12:57

Temporaryname158 · 24/04/2024 12:35

Do you live with dad or are you separated/divorced? If his dad is so delusional/aggressive and you are still together I think you need to leave

We don't live together

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 24/04/2024 13:06

No wonder you don't live with him he sounds dreadful.

A phone might help but telling any 9 year old "in a few months" is a lifetime away as far as they are concerned.

Plus if he is in denial about his autism god knows what nonsense he will be texting "don't listen to your mum you I didn't like school" etc etc

Personally I would be blunt to the dad, along the lines of, if you want to help your son you need to accept that he is how he is being in denial because you can't handle the thought of your balls not producing a perfect son is not helping anyone.

But that might not help in your situation.

Original poster
Dsasd · 24/04/2024 13:45

frozendaisy · 24/04/2024 13:06

No wonder you don't live with him he sounds dreadful.

A phone might help but telling any 9 year old "in a few months" is a lifetime away as far as they are concerned.

Plus if he is in denial about his autism god knows what nonsense he will be texting "don't listen to your mum you I didn't like school" etc etc

Personally I would be blunt to the dad, along the lines of, if you want to help your son you need to accept that he is how he is being in denial because you can't handle the thought of your balls not producing a perfect son is not helping anyone.

But that might not help in your situation.

I think its exactly as you say. To be honest I have just ignored him and rant on here a bit and stopped sharing with him. He's obviously not mature enough for that information to be shared with him.

OP posts:
Todaywasbetter · 18/11/2024 13:57

frozendaisy · 24/04/2024 13:06

No wonder you don't live with him he sounds dreadful.

A phone might help but telling any 9 year old "in a few months" is a lifetime away as far as they are concerned.

Plus if he is in denial about his autism god knows what nonsense he will be texting "don't listen to your mum you I didn't like school" etc etc

Personally I would be blunt to the dad, along the lines of, if you want to help your son you need to accept that he is how he is being in denial because you can't handle the thought of your balls not producing a perfect son is not helping anyone.

But that might not help in your situation.

But you’d be wrong, he has produced a perfect son.

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