Toddlers are hard work?

[Momosx]

I feel like I see loads of posters on mumsnet or on social media in general who are like oh we went for a lovely stroll and a picnic. A nice hike. All so lovely things

when I read this I think… was there meltdowns in that scenario too? lol. Am I just being a bit negative I feel like so many are painting toddler in a certain light and I did expect my 2.5 year old to be a mini adult really building up to this age. But he is and isn’t to an extent.

he wants to be but can’t be so is frustrated. It’s like walking on egg shells sometimes in or out the house

It’s only now as I sit up feeding my 3 month old and have seen. Video from a popular person on tik tok being quite frank about toddler years being tough (and seeing the comments on this) that I feel like I’m not being dramatic

it’s hard work, getting out takes ages then going anywhere has to be timed perfectly so you don’t go when they’re a bit tired or you don’t overstimulate etc.

I’m not expecting people to post their kids having tantrums as I think that’s wrong but I feel like the posts I see just paint things as everything is perfect no meltdowns no tantrums here

I agree with you. It's very difficult to keep a toddler happy - mine always makes a fuss about going anywhere but then also makes a fuss when it's time to leave said place. It's exhausting!

It's definitely not just you and definitely some people are brushing over the bad bits. But also, some toddlers manage a lot more than others.

My three year old has his off days and we have had our first proper meltdown last week. Equally I've taken him out for long days out and he's been a dream. Weirdly, sometimes he can be over tired and we still have a great time whereas other times everything can be 'right' and it still all goes wrong. Then not to forget the baby kicking off even if toddler is being a dream 😂

Their little brains are still developing and they need a lot of regulation, some more than others. I think social media can so easily make you forget or think you're alone because people don't share things, or even if they do they do it in a way that makes you feel rubbish because they don't show or express their frustration. I find muself flip flopping between wanting to follow mum accounts for useful tips and comparisons to absolutely not wanting to because they make me feel rubbish. Sometimes I need to mute or unfollow people too if their content bogs me down.

Also, don't forget his little world has been rocked by his still very new sibling. My baby is seven months old and the older one is still adjusting. Just remember you will get there and have those picture perfect days, but also try to manage your expectations and celebrate the small wins. Sending lots of support, it is hard!

When my first child was little I use to cry because I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong, everyone else's children were 'perfect' I was made to feel that there was something wrong with my child. Until... we took the children away together for a weekend and I realised the parents of these 'perfect' children were lying! I was extremely naive and never thought mums lied to each other!

My first two although it felt hard at times it wasn't too bad. I could absolutely take them out for the day, use public transport, go shopping etc and they would be fine. The tantrums tended to happen when they were tired or overwhelmed but not at the drop of a hat.

My third was so hard he tantrum all the time over everything and nothing.

If you are a fairly typical parent with routines and boundaries and they get enough food,sleep, op's to burn energy and are not constantly on screens then it's largely down to personality. Some kids are just more passive than others

Oh yes some kids are more calm personality wise ! Definitely not dispelling this

and I compare too much I don’t have anyone close with kids. dh’s brother has kids but he also paints ‘everything is perfect’ picture. When I seen them alone they were fighting over the iPad and kicking off so not what DH’s brother painted at all. Lol

i just wanted to do a post of normality. I’m really struggling stm and it is a major factor that he’s got a new sibling :( I’m comparing him to only children/youngest kids etc and it’s hard his whole world was shaken and changed

and he’s developing emotionally day by day he’s so bright and amazing and he is the light of my life

i might potentially be finding it harder with a small baby in tow, and sleep deprivation

I post pictures from our family walks and days out - I don't post pictures of or things directly about my children on SM at all, so I definitely don't post anything about the tantrums they may or may not have had.

But I'd be a bit taken aback if someone felt that in doing that I'm somehow being dishonest about the reality of life - they're toddlers, the tantrums are implied surely? 🤣 toddlers have emotional outbursts, that's normal and I expect outbursts during our outings. That doesn't take away from the fact that it was still a lovely outing, and I'd still describe it as a lovely outing to anyone who asked 🤷‍♀️

My toddler is almost 2.5 (was 2 in December) and she is horrible at the moment. I heard they get better at 3. Or at least... I'm praying.

My husband shouted at her this morning and needed time to cool off. He's supposed to be the patient one!

Every toddler is different. My son is 3.5 and I can count on one hand the amount of tantrums he's had. Largely he is very well behaved when we go out. If he strops for whatever reason (like last weekend when I told him he couldn't have an ice cream) he goes into sulk mode and might pout and sit on the floor but that's about as combative as he gets. I don't think it's anything magical that we've done as parents either, it just seems to be his personality.

My first toddler was like a small grown up person. Calm, sensible, never a tantrum.

my second one I can confirm is not like that 😆

Yeah, I think 18 months to 3 years is the hardest time.

Do you do toddler groups? You'll see real people with toddlers tantruming 😂 you don't really notice so much when it isn't your own though! I know I used to really notice at toddler group that mine was happy as Larry until home time when he'd run off not wanting his shoes on and give me a bit of toddler verbal when I finally caught him and wrestled him to get him ready to go... when I made friends with one of the mums she said she can't believe how well behaved mine is and how he never has a tantrum.. I'd never noticed hers have one! Turns out really that we feel it heightened with our own and when it's someone else's we mostly switch off because they're just normal and part of parenting!

Of course you might give it a thought if a child was throwing a wobbler stealing toys and hitting the other children while the parent did nothing - but a normal situation where you insist your child share, take a toy and give it back because they snatched etc and they throw a wobbler because they didn't think much of the boundary - totally a non event to the people around you - just normal toddler life!

Toddler Dts were a delight. Fuck me when they turned three...

I've been lucky with my dcs and tantrums have been fairly minimal, and most often at home rather than in public. We do get out every day, always have done since newborns and I never found that particularly hard - it's just part of the daily routine. Both have been good communicators (did signing from 6m, talked in sentences early) and that helped.

We also had very child-centred lives, so we never tried to drag them around the supermarket and trips out were almost always to fun places that kids like. Brought lunch and snacks out with us so they were never waiting too long for food. We do outings with 2 parents (we have 2 dcs) so each dc gets one to one attention. We do day trips every weekend (some are quite demanding like theme parks) and I take my toddler out every day during the week.

Terrible Twos is literally a phrase! As is Three-nager! Who is pretending two year olds aren't total dictators?! I've had two 2 year olds (one is currently 2) and never expected it to be anything other than a total tantrum-fest. Low standards all the way. I advise you to stay off social media if you don't understand that people only post positive things 😄

All I ever see is parents relentlessly moaning about how difficult their toddlers are. Very rarely do I ever hear anybody speak of the positives of parenting young ones. I'm really very surprised you've only ever seen one video of these people claiming to be real but really it feels like some sort of trend/competition. I do have a 2.5 year old and yes he can be a bit stubborn sometimes but 95% of the time he is a real joy, rarely tantrums and very easy going.

I think it's because you have a new baby. And probably temperament too, because DC are different at different ages. But 2.5 has been a very chilled out age for my kids. They seem to lose the plot some time around 3.5 and regain it by about age 6. But toddlers famously tend to act up when you have a new baby. It's so unsettling for them and so they are looking for reassurance and familiarity.

To be fair, I did post an idyllic photo of my youngest two the other day in a café, they looked all lovely and colour coordinated, I posted it to a private mums chat I'm in with the caption something like

Behind the scenes - I'm having an internal panic about 2.5yo grinding chocolate cake into the lovely bright blue sofa. They have both just been fighting over the fact they have to sit in the exact same spot. A couple of minutes after the photo the 2.5yo climbed into the window and started gyrating to music and then he bolted out the door and I had to abandon the 5yo and run after him!

I don't often take them to cafes, and it was a hairy time of day which is the only reason why I had because I just had to get some, any, food and drink into them. But it just made me laugh this juxtaposition of the stressful things and the lovely picture!

Despite this I genuinely do adore this age. My absolute favourite.

Your second toddler maybe wont feel just as awful because you've been through it before, you know it's for a limited time, and that laughing off the tantrums or at least staying relaxed as much as possible in the face of them helps a lot. Stressing out about the tantrums is like adding oxygen to a fire.

Stop feeling guilty! Yes his world has changed but it's good change. A sibling is an amazing gift for his whole life. All toddlers tantrum. You're doing great.

Thanks everyone. I forgot to mention this sounds odd. I feel like he’s a bit behind mentally by a few months

nothing wrong with that. I just feel like certain milestones and mini milestones he’s a little few months delayed on so it’s not a delay that’s concern but he takes longer to hit things etc

And speech, he is only just putting 2 words together and I say words his vocabulary is babble words. He uses the same sounds for different words so I feel like it’s a lot of sussing what he wants and not knowing all the time :( maybe that’s why he seems more tantrum/meltdown prone as he’s struggling to communicate

If you're worried about his speech there is a good checker here:

https://progress-checker.speechandlanguage.org.uk/

Unfortunately speech therapy referrals are a bit behind in many areas so it is worth getting info asap if you think you might need one.