Fussy eater refusing to come to table

[cosysoc]

My son aged 3, nearly 4 became a fussy eater overnight aged 2, having eaten anything and everything prior to that. I have read loads about how to manage this and have been using the approach of not drawing too much attention to it, offering food on a communal serving dish, try to engage him in cooking / preparing, always including one known "safe" food alongside others, and just keep offering and trying not to sweat it when he refuses to eat his meal.

However, he has now stopped sitting at the table at all 90% of the time. At dinner time he will float past the table, eye the food and wander off to the sofa or to play. I can try to put him on his chair but he either gets back down immediately or won't let me pick him up. I don't want to fight him or turn it into a massive struggle and I'm so aware of making a big deal and giving him a complex over meals.

BUT as most parents feel I should imagine, I want him to develop a healthy range of tastes, good table manners and ability to fit and eat a sociable meal - eventually.

Can anyone relate to this?

Honestly I am on my 4th now. Don’t sweat it.

They go through phases, it all works out in the end. First two I would have worried so much (less with the second in fairness as I have huge age gaps so I already saw that these things have a habit of working out).

Just have the meal at the table. If they don’t want to eat, they don’t want to eat.

my youngest is 3 and was the fussiest. To be honest, I just didn’t notice it. She didn’t want to eat some stuff, that was okay. She soon started and now eats everything and if she doesn’t eat something on her plate? Oh well, doesn’t even get a mention.

I don't know. I think I'd be inclined to go the other way tbh - leave or even increase the snacks so that he's getting enough nutrition and include some safe snacky foods with the main meal to encourage him to come and go to the table. Then as the pressure eases and good habits improve, the snacks can be dialled back.

A hangry preschooler has improved literally nothing ever in the history of time.

@foodtoorder one of the first replies advocates strapping a child to a booster seat - they’re a safety device and not a way to modify a child’s behaviour but the point is if your child is reluctant to eat, forcing them to sit at the table is really not conducive to changing that attitude!

Yes of course, no I wasn't taking anything from what you said, it was just me wittering on about my own experience of someone who suffered from it for years.

I did get over it in the end, but not until I was about 30!

We chose to take all pressure off. On a week day after school, he eats at the table with the TV on. On weekends we do a sit down lunch as a family for either lunch or dinner, not both. The food is on the table. He comes or doesn't come. We found he made a huge fuss / tantrum but then would eventually come when we gave it no oxygen. He now typically just comes right away with no fuss. If he's tired, we don't bother and give him food he likes in front of the TV on his own or with his sister. I make sure there's always something he likes on his plate. Over the past 2 years we've very very slowly built up to a decent number of whole foods / meals. Rice, potato wedges, pasta, most fruit and vegetables are enjoyed, soups, bolognese, pizza, fish fingers. I'm no longer worried about nutrition which feels like a miracle from where we were. I think ignore people who've never experienced children like this. It's all about picking your battles, taking the stress out of it and small wins. I'm from a family of good eaters so never expected to be in the situation of being a chicken nugget mum. But there we are. That's life.

Oh yes, we do no snacks at all basically. It's difficult when around other people though!!!!! Other kids seem to snack constantly and family are always giving them treats! But it means that we skip a whole meal. Easter was awful!!!!

I'd go with limiting snacks, keep the variety of foods and not worry about eating at the table right now - focus on getting him to eat.
My DC isn't a fan of big meals and is currently going through a 'fussy' phase where they don't like certain foods touching (and don't like certain foods because of texture).
Right now I'm just going for the option of providing food that I know they'll eat.
As we get towards summer it gets a bit easier as meals are more "graze" types with breads, salads and sides rather than a hot ready-plated meal.

Agree with a lot of the advice above.

No snacks. If he's hungry after a meal get the meal back out of the fridge and offer it again. I wouldn't insist on him sitting at the table but there would be no chance of him watching screens or getting any attention while the rest of you are at the table. I like the idea of a little table too (if you have space).

Another win for us with pre-schoolers has been the 'picky plate'. Bit like a ploughman's lunch. So a plate full of bits you know they like, healthy and unhealthy all put together. We found that once they started, they'd often carry on and clear the plate. So they'd eat the 2 smarties, grapes and strawberries. But then move on to the baby bell, the peanut butter sandwich, the crudités etc..... That way, you're adding items to the safe list. Often served in front of the TV, totally relaxed.