Friend has breast cancer - how can I help?

[teenboymom]

My friend and colleague has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I want to help her as much as I can through treatment etc. any suggestions of what I can do? She is single with no children. Also thinking of getting her something nice as passing her house tomorrow, just to leave on doorstep.

One of the nicest things I got, was a 'care box' from my colleagues, who had all brought in 'a little something' to put in a box for someone to bring round.
It had magazines, a puzzle book, some warm bed socks, some nice biscuits, a couple of little miniature bottles of booze, a jigsaw, some handcream and some other bits.
The DVDs and jigsaws books were not even new - people had thought I would enjoy them and that I could just do bits when I had energy and was bored.

Honestly, it was the nicest present (alongside friends who offered to take my dc to things they would miss out on when I couldn't drive - but that doesn't apply in this situation).

Will she need support at appointments and such like? It's hard to take everything in when you are the patient.
Generally though - take her lead but stay in contact, be thoughtful but not maudlin. Breast cancer has very good treatment but it's a scary process.

My mum had it last year so from my perspective these are things that were helpful:

stock up of dry/long lasting snacks (crackers, crisps, popcorn, fun sweets or cereal) so she has something nice for when she randomly has an appetite
Fresh new pj’s, cozy blankets
Jigsaws, word search books, easy crafts.
Bendy ‘arm’ that attaches to the bed for your phone or tablet to hold it up without her having to use strength to prop it up
Offers for lifts to chemo or to do some laundry/put on fresh bedding
Handcream and moisturisers (check out MooGoo range, my mum loved this)
Mini fan
Magazines

My mum has ovarian cancer and I've found the only thing she wants....is company

Cancer can be a lonely experience for some people. For my mum, she found that everyone was there in the beginning but while she still had cancer her life had stood still and others have gone on as normal. She is finding being lonely really hard

I'd say any time you can give to just be there physically and be present will make the world of difference in this really isolating time

You sound like a lovely friend xx

Oh, and any time you can pop by with a home cooked meal and things she can just re heat (esp soup) will be greatly appreciated!

The best support was people who stayed in touch throughout treatment and asked how you were feeling and listened. The best were the ones who asked after each surgery and each chemo.

I second this, it really means a lot when people send a txt to check on me or ask how an appointment went. It can feel really lonely at times and these little gestures help me get through.

I think presents will vary by person but for me the main thing was people showing they cared not presents. The friend that lived in Italy but video called regularly. The friends who checked how I was after each surgery and chemo. Though you can be very tired after surgery if a general.

When I had my lumpectomy, a friend took me and collected me and then stayed with me for a few days. Afterwards, during my radiotherapy treatment, one of my friends would always accompany me and then we'd go for lunch or afternoon tea somewhere. Another friend mowed my lawn. I found it was the company and practical help that was most useful.

I’m going through chemo at the moment and totally agree with this post.

i think a nice care package to begin with would be lovely.

It will also depend on her treatment. Do you know if she has family nearby? My mum had a mastectomy but no chemo, so treatment can vary, but she needed me for practical help after surgery.

Best thing would be is to be supportive. Check in regularly, particularly after appointments. If she lives alone, after surgery, she may need help with practical things like changing the bedding. Nigh on impossible to do on your own when you can’t lift your arms and are feeling generally gross.

A gift I’d highly recommend is a voucher to have her hair washed and dried (if she’s not having chemo before surgery). Again, post surgery I was feeling minging - no deodorant near incisions, could barely lift my arms. Hair washing was impossible so I treated myself to a wash and blow dry about a week after. Felt so much better - like I’d turned the corner that day.