How the hell do I get my preschooler to STAY IN BED?!

[Chaosx3x]

Sorry will be long. 3DC. Eldest is 5 and has some SEN mainly manifesting as anxiety. Middle is nearly 3. Youngest is 4 months. Up until recently whoever was doing bedtime with the big two would get them ready and into PJs etc and then sit on the landing between the two rooms while they went to sleep. Eldest would sometimes read for a bit with nightlight on during the first part of this, no problem. DH and I were happy with this arrangement and both kids seemed happy too (we have never been able to just leave them to go to sleep without being able to see one of us, eldest in particular would get very upset).

Middle DC has now since last week started refusing to wear her toddler sleeping bag (age 2-4 one which she was happy in before). In theory I don’t mind this, she’s in a toddler bed and has a duvet that she can use instead, she obviously was never going to stay in a sleeping bag forever. However she now just refuses to stay in bed. I do the whole normal bedtime routine and tuck her in etc and then she just starts saying she doesn’t want to go in her bed. The only way she seems to be ok about lying in her bed is if we sit right next to her. However I don’t want to start doing this as then it means we both need to do bedtime, one person to stay with eldest and one to stay with middle. And then who settles the baby?! My DH also suggested that we sit next to her bed until she fall asleep and then put the eldest to bed after this, however eldest gets all panicky about not being able to see anyone at bedtime even though she knows I’m just in her sisters room and she still has her nightlight on. I also think it would make bedtimes take forever.

Middle DC also sometimes asks to sleep next to us on the landing but it just seems a bit ridiculous. I just want her to lie in her bed! I’m sat literally about 8ft away from her.

I’ve tried bribery and it doesn’t work. Tonight she has once again fallen asleep on her bedroom floor about halfway between me and the bed. Any ideas? Supernanny would say just keep putting her back to bed and she’ll learn eventually. However she screams every time I do this and it keeps the eldest and the baby awake. The gentle parenting tribes would say she needs more “connection” but the only way I can really achieve this is to just let her fall asleep next to me or on my lap. WWYD?

I did once try letting middle sleep in with eldest but because it was a change of routine it made my eldest really unsettled and then the middle one was hugely excited by the prospect of a “sleepover” and was bouncing off the walls and wouldn’t shut up. I could put them in the same room as a more permanent thing but we’ve literally not long bought them new beds etc and we’d need different furniture and major shifts round to be able to actually fit them in properly together.

I think I’m just going to have to let her fall asleep next to us on the landing. It’s kills my back having to then lift her into bed but it’s probably all I can do really.

Someone upthread really casually said that we need a solid routine that enables one adult to put all three to bed… I’m just not sure that’s realistic to be honest.

In a similar situation we put a futon mattress on the floor so at least when they fell asleep
in the floor we weren't lifting them into bed.

After about a week we just let them sleep on the floor.