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Original poster

Children getting really silly in the evening - can anyone help

15 replies

BigBadBarri · 22/04/2024 19:50

I feel like an absolute witch for writing this but my children (20 months and 4) are so excited to see each other in the morning and evening that they lose any sense of sensibility and become really silly.

The 4 year old is naturally quite quiet and shy, the type that would happily sit out for dinner watching the world go by for hours. The toddler is the polar opposite and we can barely be out for dinner as he refuses a highchair and throws everything. I wasn’t prepared for this!

the thing is, the 4 year old is now picking up how the toddler is acting. So while it’s really lovely that they love to see each, we get actual screeching / screaming, throwing toys, hitting each other (to giggles) and lots of rough and tumble. I can tolerate the toddler throwing / hitting because that’s normal, but the 4 year old isn’t listening and just gets so silly. I can’t bear the screaming / screeching. Pre school have told us his “listening ears” keep being switched off there too.

husband and I are now trying to keep them separate while really silly to calm down a bit, ie get the older one to put his pjs on while I get the younger one ready for bed but it’s quite tricky as we both work full time so take it in turns to WFH while the other goes in to the office. So when you’re on duty you’re on your own.

any ideas on how to calm things down? When they stop listening I can feel myself getting internally furious and I really don’t want to become a shouty mummy

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/04/2024 19:53

So is this between nursery pick up and bed - what times are we talking?

Original poster
BigBadBarri · 22/04/2024 19:54

RandomMess · 22/04/2024 19:53

So is this between nursery pick up and bed - what times are we talking?

It’s first thing in the morning (6.15-7.30) and then evening (5.30-7). Not huge hours but its ALL THE TIME

OP posts:
Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/04/2024 19:56

Any chance of getting them ealier so you have time for a play in the park on the way home ? then they might be calmer when they get home ?

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Icanseethebeach · 22/04/2024 19:56

Are they in nursery 5 days a week?

They just sounds like average over stimulated and over tired kids.

RandomMess · 22/04/2024 19:57

Eek you don't get much time together do you.

After nursery can you do lots of active play/outside letting off steam?

Original poster
BigBadBarri · 22/04/2024 19:57

Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/04/2024 19:56

Any chance of getting them ealier so you have time for a play in the park on the way home ? then they might be calmer when they get home ?

Unfortunately not, we both work full time

OP posts:
Icanseethebeach · 22/04/2024 19:57

What is your normal morning and bedtime routines? People maybe able to suggest some tweaks.

Original poster
BigBadBarri · 22/04/2024 19:58

Icanseethebeach · 22/04/2024 19:56

Are they in nursery 5 days a week?

They just sounds like average over stimulated and over tired kids.

the older one is, the younger one spends 2 days with his grandparents (and is just more of a whirlwind, he’s like this all the time / everywhere)

OP posts:
Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/04/2024 20:00

BigBadBarri · 22/04/2024 19:57

Unfortunately not, we both work full time

Show quote history

No flexibility at all ? For either of you ? TBF it is still nice a light at 5:30 these days what about a trip to the park after nursery ?

Marblessolveeverything · 22/04/2024 20:02

Engage with them through play. Have them race to get their bits together on the morning, competition to finding shoes etc. Start the day with music and a boogie, basically meet them where they are.

In the evening time again engage with wind down so start energetic, outside run around? Then onto a task then into bedtime routine, bath, stories, lullaby music etc.

They have a tiny amount of time with each other it's no wonder they act up, no blame but you need to work with them through play it's how children learn. A four year old sitting watching the world go by isn't exactly what is best developmentally for them.

NuffSaidSam · 22/04/2024 20:10

It's perfectly normal, excitable play so you have to tolerate some of it.

Can they have a bit of time to play like that after nursery? In the garden/trip to the park/let them jump off the sofa etc. I'd give them maybe 20 minutes/half hour. I would warn them five minutes before the end of playtime, then 2 minutes and then have an audible alarm to signify that it's now the end of playtime and the start of bedtime.

Give the older one responsibility for helping the younger one. Lots of praise for both of them for following instructions. Slowly wind-down, so bath can still be quite giggly, but then PJ's on is a bit calmer, stories and milk in bed is real calm down time, teeth and in to bed separately so they don't have a chance to start up again.

Original poster
BigBadBarri · 22/04/2024 20:18

Marblessolveeverything · 22/04/2024 20:02

Engage with them through play. Have them race to get their bits together on the morning, competition to finding shoes etc. Start the day with music and a boogie, basically meet them where they are.

In the evening time again engage with wind down so start energetic, outside run around? Then onto a task then into bedtime routine, bath, stories, lullaby music etc.

They have a tiny amount of time with each other it's no wonder they act up, no blame but you need to work with them through play it's how children learn. A four year old sitting watching the world go by isn't exactly what is best developmentally for them.

I love this, just what I needed to hear, thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
BigBadBarri · 22/04/2024 20:19

NuffSaidSam · 22/04/2024 20:10

It's perfectly normal, excitable play so you have to tolerate some of it.

Can they have a bit of time to play like that after nursery? In the garden/trip to the park/let them jump off the sofa etc. I'd give them maybe 20 minutes/half hour. I would warn them five minutes before the end of playtime, then 2 minutes and then have an audible alarm to signify that it's now the end of playtime and the start of bedtime.

Give the older one responsibility for helping the younger one. Lots of praise for both of them for following instructions. Slowly wind-down, so bath can still be quite giggly, but then PJ's on is a bit calmer, stories and milk in bed is real calm down time, teeth and in to bed separately so they don't have a chance to start up again.

And this, excellent advice thank you

OP posts:
boozebarge · 22/04/2024 21:48

My four year old has started to get "silly" too, from being an exceedingly calm and chilled out baby/toddler. I have to keep reminding myself (through gritted teeth) that he’s still very, very little! And we don’t even have a second kid to wind him up - he’s managing that on his own at the moment!

For us things that work are one-on-one time (rather than 2 parents on 1 child) and giving him lots of attention. Easier said than done - and of course you have two kids not one, so they’re already winding each other up. But mostly, reminding myself that it's all developmentally appropriate is what has worked best for me personally!

You’re doing a great job, mama 💪

mousehouse123 · 22/04/2024 21:55

Appreciate that this will sound harsh, but we had a no screaming/screeching rule. I just couldn’t stand it and so was very consistent about stopping activities if there was any screaming involved. There are some great ideas from the PPs, but I’d definitely be tempted to show the kids how much fun they can have that way, but also ban the screaming.

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