How do you deal with children that always moan about dinners

[Helpmeiiam]

Im fed up of it and ds is only 5! Yet nearly everyday he whines and moans about dinner no matter what it is. I always cook things I know he will eat so it's not like im forcing him to eat things he doesn't like. For some reason it's triggering me as soon as he asks what's for dinner, I start getting wound up because once I've told him I know he always starts 'nooooo I'm not having that, blah blah blah.

How would you deal with it?

I've told him it's family meal time and he has what I make but I'm on repeat. It's draining me

It’s probably tiredness, my kids do this around dinner time. Just ignore, ignore, ignore. Don’t engage in an argument. Put tv on for them for some downtime.

Can you stick up a notice in the kitchen of what's for dinner each day?

This. It's a tired time of day for everyone.

I sympathise, it’s very draining to be met with the constant moaning about dinner. Mine used to be rude too and say it was disgusting and make faces. Especially the older one who was 7 or 8 at the time. But we stopped that as it was getting out of hand and there’s no need to be rude.
These days I just say they don’t need to eat it and can go to bed hungry. I try very hard to make stuff both will eat, but they’re very changeable and one day they love something and next they hate it. If you have partner get them to back you up, it’s easier to deal with it as a team.

I wish I knew, but yes it is very draining! There's maybe 3 meals I can cook without complaint and anything else results in a whingefest. Previously acceptable meals are now 'disgusting' and I'm totally fed up with it!

My 6 year old is the same.
The saying in our house is
You get what you get and you don't get upset.

'I'm not eating that!' Is met with 'You'll be hungry then'
I do serve him foods I know he likes and eats. I'm not a complete monster.

We have a weekly plan which the kids can help with and they know in advance: but essentially; they are told they are fortunate to have dinners unlike a lot of kids. And we never give options to dinners

I feel your pain, I've had 9 years of it.
I now have a meal planner stuck to the fridge, I cook what's on it & all meals contain at least 2 things DC will eat. If they don't like it they get a piece of toast. That's it, I don't give in, I don't do pudding.
DD 9 is now eating a lot more & enjoys trying new things, DS 6 is eating a lot of toast.

I've also stuck to the same rule for the cat who refuses to eat most food put down for him. He's on the patio eating a mouse which I suggested DC 6 goes out to share if he doesn't want his tea or toast.

Can you play a little game: next time he moans about dinner, put an empty plate infront of him while you sit down to your dinner.

When he asks, ‘where’s mine?’
You can say, ‘but I thought you didn’t want any?’

Obviously at this point you can then give him some dinner, but tell him in the future if he whinges about dinner then he’ll just get an empty plate. You might have to repeat this process a couple of times for him to get it, but hopefully if you’re consistent it shouldn’t take too long for him to get the message.

Weekly plan stuck to the fridge.

For some reason mine have always been more accepting of things written down!

Get him to help glue and stick a menu every week end for the week ahead..

When he starts with the 'Nooo I'm not having that,' say briskly. 'That's fine. There is no need to be rude. That is what is for dinner. If you don't want to eat it then you can go without dinner. It's up to you.'

And be firm. Don't tolerate whiny behaviour or rudeness. You're not running a damn restaurant.

as far as possible, don’t engage. Answer everytime with “I haven’t decided yet.” He might stop asking?

then when you cook, put tv on to distract. Hopefully he won’t come in asking if he’s too engrossed in paw patrol or whatever.

when you bring food to the table act all nonchalant and reply to every protest like you don’t care “ok, fine. Well my job is to cook the food, your job is to decide whether or not to eat it”. “You don’t want that? Fine. Put it in the bye bye bowl.”

I can recommend a divided plate for fussy eaters. Mine seems to not moan so much when everything is separated. They’ll get on with eating the bit they do like and just leave the part don’t want

Agree with @Greywitch2 - you are not running a restaurant

Does your partner eat with you?
This maybe an old fashioned point of view but the other adult saying thank you for my meal ( even if it’s not their favourite) role models gratitude for the effort that you have put in.
Try really hard not to react to your 5 years old ( easier said than done) they wouldn’t be indulgent like this at school - but may have heard other kids behave like this eg commenting on another child’s lunch box - they pick up weird habits and try them out at home

Ahhh OP I feel you but don't have a good answer. My 5yo is exactly the same and like you I can feel the emotions in me at just being asked "what are we having for dinner?" because it doesn't matter what I say, there will moaning, whining, I don't want x, I don't like y on and on. Then repeat when the plate is in front them, eating at the pace of a snail, everyone else is finished, they've taken 3 bites and declare themselves full, or suddenly decide today they don't like X that they ate last week.

Anyway rationally I mostly try to take a deep breath and be breezy and no nonsense and try and ignore it really. Otherwise it just winds me and DH up and casts a cloud over our whole meal which is rubbish and also not fair to my 2yo is mostly a sunny character and generally ears pretty well.

My approach was to make sure there was nothing they really disliked as we are all allowed a few things like that. Then basically offer a choice, eat it or be hungry. Be brisk and positive. "Not going to eat that? Ok, get down and find something to play with."

Very rarely did my DC go to bed with empty stomachs.

It’s so boring isn’t it. My daughter even objects if it’s something she likes just cos she doesn’t fancy it that day!! I haven’t yet found a solution.

How do i deal with it?

Well most days on bad days i say 'Well don't bloomin' eat it then and go hungry !!' ... and they eat it.

But the previous posts to mine are better advice 😂

I agree that it's nice if other adults or older children spontaneously thank the cook for the meal and look grateful. It's a good example to set. DH is v good for this.

You either ignore, just serve and really try not to get wound up. Other option is to turn around and say if he doesn't want it, he can have a couple of portions of fruit. He's been given an alternative then and if he's still moaning, tell him you're not going to discuss it anymore, he doesn't want the second option, so he'll be getting option 1.

If you can, get him to help you meal plan. Try to have him pick something for each meal, even if it's just mashed potatoes vs boiled. Then when he asks what's for tea you can say how much you're looking forward to the food he chose.

And if that fails, make it a strict rule that he can leave food he doesn't like but he can't be rude about it.

I use humour. "I'm sorry I don't speak Whine" "DD I can't understand you, that tone makes my ears stop working". And then a quizzical look, "I can't... DD are you speaking Whine again". Keeps me entertained at least.

What @Greywitch2 said.

Dinner is on the table. Either he can eat it or not. There is no alternative. It's up to him but he is not allowed to be rude. It won't kill him to miss a meal, and he will soon learn.

Try Jen Brister’s mother’s approach:

Either they eat it or they go hungry. Rudeness is not tolerated, whinging is ignored.

I heard a good tip to say 'ahh, OK. This is what I'm cooking today. We could have XYZ tomorrow'. It's authoritative but still kind. (Obviously I wouldn't expect them to eat it if they really didn't want it.)