Regretting school choice

[Loveskin2024]

Anyone else regret school choice?

We were very lucky and got our first choice for daughters primary school place (I know some who are very stressed as they didn’t get first choice). But now I’m thinking I’ve made a huge mistake and picked the wrong school. I’m lying awake a night worrying.

We went with the big two form entry school. It’s got great facilities, we liked the teachers.

Our second choice was a lovely little school, originally our first choice until we saw the big one.

I’m now regretting the first choice, is it too big & will my daughter be overwhelmed with all the children? (60 kids per year)

A two form entry school gives more options for friends. If your child is bullied by a child in their class they could be then split into different classes.

It’ll set her up well for secondary and much larger year groups. We were in a similar position although small school was our preference but we got second choice. Dc now 16 and 12 and with hindsight I’m glad they went to the bigger school as the transition to secondary has been smooth compared to a friend’s daughter who went to the smaller school. There’s swings and round abouts but you chose the school on gut feeling so trust that.

Don't second-guess yourself. You had good reasons for the choice you made.

Kids are at primary school for 7 years and grow so much in those years. A small school may sometimes feel right for a 4/5 year old but may be too constricting with fewer opportunities for a 10 year old. The scale of activities a larger school can offer goes hand in hand with the issues you fear but a good school will take care to find ways to protect the tiny ones from the crowds

A two form entry, whilst larger than your other option isn’t that big. You’ll be surprised by how many of the children and their parents you’ll come to know, say hello to.

Other posters are right about having more options for friends etc too.

My children are in a 3 form entry school and are thriving. The school kept the 90 children in reception separate from the rest of the school, no assembly, breaks at different times, for the first year.

Thank you everyone, lovely to hear your positive stories

How small is the small school?

Trust yourself op, you made the best decision you could at the time based on current info, and you would probably second guess yourself either way!

60 children is an average size! I know schools with 6 classes per year (180 children!)

Its two teachers per year to share planning. More resources. If a class dynamic isn't working they can mix it up. Jobs like SENIOR or PE lead or the nativity are spread around more people.

But isnt too big to become impersonal.

Obviously small schools have their advantages too.

You liked those school for a reason.

@BaconCozzers thank you , it’s a normal 30 children class

2 form is honestly better. There's a bigger social pool for kids to get to know and find their friends. If there are any very tricky dynamics between kids, they can shuffle them into separate forms for learning. Teachers tend to play to their strengths, so you may find one teacher in the year does all of one thing and the other does all of something else. In a small school you can get Alpha Boys and Queen Bees who decide who is friends with whom, and if you fall foul of them there's nowhere else to go - larger year groups give better protection against this. Larger schools can offer more clubs because they have more staff. Parents are sometimes drawn to small schools because they feel safe and homely, but I'm convinced they aren't as good for the children as they grow.

Then day to day it won't make much difference to your DC I shouldn't think.

There are pros and cons to bigger or genuinely small schools and I have experience of both . But this school doesn't have a lot of the "small school".advantages. It sounds like you've made the right choice 😊 If, IF you end up regretting it, you can move them.

I think you're panicking unnecessarily

Two form entry much better from friendship point of view. Sounds like you made the right choice OP

After my experience growing up of the much vaunted “tiny village school” I would only choose two form entry minimum especially for girls. They need a deep friendship pool

@PuttingDownRoots thabk you good points

A 2-form entry / 60 kids is totally normal! My DC is in a 3-form entry and absolute thriving and has lots of friends across all three classes.

Larger schools can usually share resources better, and as a pp said, there is more friends to meet unlike a 1-for entry when you can get a Queen Bee scenario. All it takes is for one kid to take a dislike to yours, coerce others to follow suit, and then your poor kid not only has no one to play with but could be bullied too. I would never entertain a 1-form entry for this very reason (although I am not suggesting that this happens in all small schools).

There is also so many posts on MN about mums thinking all the other mums are ignoring them/excluding them/gossiping about them etc at the school gate, and I cant help but wonder if these are small schools that this is mostly happening in. In a larger school like ours there are 90 kids so at least that many adults roughly arriving for pick-up so no one gives a hoot or notices who is talking to who. I couldn’t be dealing with that nonsense so it’s another benefit to a larger school.

Larger primary schools are so much better

2 form entry schools are not big. Look through the lense of an adult and not your small 4 year old.

My DC went to a 2 form entry infants school. But they were both ready to move to a bigger (4 form entry) junior school as they had already outgrown the school.

Yes they don’t stay 4. Dd2 was one of the oldest in her year and always tall and frankly more emotionally intelligent than her peers - seemed ridiculous at 11 she was still squeezed into primary uniform and at same school as tiny children barely out of toddler hood. Would have been even worse in a tiny school!

I wouldn't call a 2 entry school big. My DC school has 3-4 classes in every year and doesn't feel really big. Our schools divided into 3 playground areas, so the little kids play separately from the bigger ones. My anxious DD loves it and it's been good for having lots of friendship choice and several classes in each year so the school can put the kids with a class group and a teacher they feel work for them.

I attended a small village school for a while as a kid and it was ok for me, but my siblings didn't have a good experience and we were all glad when we moved to a bigger school. Small village schools can be great if you get a good group of kids your child fits in with, but there's a lot less choice of friends and if you end up somewhere with one or two kids in the class who rule the roost or your child doesn't fit well with the small available friendship group they can also be really negative places to be.

Thank you for everyone’s kind replies, feel so much better about my choice 🙏

As a teacher at a very small school. Your last sentence isn’t fair. The children that leave us are well rounded confident and wonderful children who thrive in their next schools. I’m not saying small is better than big but it’s certainly not worse. It depends on the children and the school. Please don’t use blanket statements like that though.

It’s definitely worse. You are stuck with a few children for 7 years if they are problematic you are trapped. Wouldn’t touch a small school with a barge pole. Ideally you need min 10 other same sex children in the class .

3 form entry primary here - DD is currently y2 and absolutely thriving. More options for friendship groups, activities, opportunities etc. on the other end her cousin attends our other local small village school. Only 10 girls in the class and she can't find her friendship groups at all with so little choice and limited by more boys in the class. So pleased we went for the larger school. By y4 onwards I think it hugely helps prepare for secondary

2 form entry sounds tiny to me! I went to a 4 form primary!