would having another child change our lives...

[izzy39xxx]

I am 38 years old and we have a small child. I have started to consider having another child and to give our DC a sibling too. I know I am older so would need to decide sooner rather than later.

I have periods of depression and the baby years were tough. We have a good life now and I am more stable. Initially DH and I wanted one child as we are use to a small family. We enjoy an easy going life, working from home, long periods abroad during holidays and a house keeper so I don't have to spend too much time cleaning but can relax and enjoy hobbies. We can give our little one our time and resources now and in the future. For example, I didnt have to work so our little one was at home with me until going to school which was great.

I do wonder about having another child and get excited about the idea but don't know if this would impact on my/our current stable and easy going life including my mental health and our finances? as

Can anyone relate and or can anyone share their experiences regarding the implication of having more than one child, considering mental health and finances. For example, did it cause any issues for your present life or was it a good experience now or longer term? Thank you all. Warm regards

I can’t imagine how adding another baby/child wouldn’t impact stabile and easy going times and finances! Babies do add more, I love having two (3 year age gap) but the second is definitely harder work as you don’t get the same 1:1 time and have to think about activities to suit both. My two are also very different personalities (easy going 1st doesn’t mean and easy going second!)

BUT I do love having two, the bond they have is amazing but my partner and I were very clear we wanted a smallish age gap or would just stick to 1.

My experience is that having a second child absolutely will change your lives significantly. Going from one fairly easy going DC to two (DC2 not so easy going) was a fairly big jump in terms of generally just how busy you have to be all the time seeing to everyone’s needs and being organised about all the different schedules in the house, laundry, tidying etc. It was tough in the early days but I don’t for a minute regret it and our lives are richer for it being 4 of us rather than 3. Fucked if I’d have a 3rd though! To be fair as well, it would have been much easier in the absence of COVID and without both of them being horrendous sleepers for the first 3 years.

Slightly different perspective as we have one and only ever wanted one. We're older - 39 and 46 when DS was born and with him now at 2 we feel like we're getting our own lives back now and have time for our own hobbies occasionally as well as family time. We both are maintaining our careers which is important to us as well as being parents. Whilst I'm sure it would be lovely for DS to have a sibling we can give him all of our love and attention and feel that having 1 child is the right thing for us as a family. Having a newborn is hard and although parenting a toddler is tiring I find it so much more enjoyable to be able to do things with him that he understands and takes in - I'd really struggle to go through newborn phase again.

I wouldn’t risk it in your shoes.