Returning to work after baby - what’s realistic

[FlyingSoap]

I think we’ve pretty much decided that I’ll drop to 4 days, unless anything changes. Whether I compress full time hours or not, I’m yet to decide. I can see myself being quite frazzled with longer days, we already feel time short as it is for housework and life admin and that’s pre DC. Aware it’ll intensify!

I am quietly wondering if this is still a lot to take on with a very young child. DH is a shift worker, doing 12hrs x3 or x4 depending on the week. I work an office job. The format of my role would mostly likely be 1 day WFH, 1 in the office and 2 in the community.

I have close relatives that are SAHMs and they still report struggling and feeling short on time. Anecdotally I also don’t know many people who went back full time, at all. There is lots to consider though. We see all the positives of having one child, but haven’t ruled out a second. We might enjoy being parents so much we want another- and I think making sure I have the maximum pay for maternity leave is important

It would also be great to have enough money to save for DC and have nice experiences, like trips and holidays. I know there is my pension and future proofing to think about too.

Before I was pregnant I was adamant that my work wouldn’t change too much, but I can already tell the reality is that I will want as much time with my baby as possible despite loving my job. I really don’t want them doing long days in childcare having worked in that sector myself.

I suppose there is a few schools of thought:

• go back PT initially and increase hours when they’re older (not sure I’d get these hours back in the role I am currently in)

• TTC at the end of mat leave, return to work full time for 6-9 months until I’m due again, have a fully paid second maternity leave and then go back to work part time after

• suck it up and accept working full time will be crap in the short term but bring about benefits in other ways.

Thanks if you got this far! Just using MN as a sounding board for my options, as I’m the first of my friends to have DC.

I think it all depends if you can easily afford childcare..

I work 3 days a week and personally that's enough for me.. but I have 3 kids.

But I think if you can afford childcare for 4 days and have enough money to enjoy life/save for nice trips then plenty of people do that and it works for them 😊

I think you are right about compressing hours, it makes the days very long and puts a lot of pressure on you.

I went back to work 4 days a week until my DC were 7 and 5 when I went full time driven by a change of job. It meant that I could afford good quality childcare and keep my career on track. Of course its hard work juggling everything but its meant I've had a good career and have a lot of financial independence (vital since I got divorced soon after going full time). I actually think in some ways working 4 or 5 days a week is easier than 3 days - being really part time impacts on how to do your job and remain connected with what's going on. The secret for me when they got to school age was having a really excellent after school nanny - a woman in her 50s who shared the same child care ethos as me. She stayed for many years and was a key part of the family. We loved her.

I did compressed hours before kids and found it to be awful, I was just sp tired at the end of the day's I really wouldn't want to do it with kids - though I get it is ideal if you need childcare. I do 75% of full time and do it over four days which works well for me. My friends that do full time or compressed hours seem t0 live for holidays and the weekends and their week days are more about just surviving.

Just to add, I actually find I'd struggle more to work full time now the eldest two are in school than when they were in nursery as I like being around for drop off and pick up and for after school.

I think my questions are:

• Your job - do you get to pick which days you do each location, or are they at least fixed?
• DH job - ditto, but also is one shift weekend?

Because if the answer to yes of any of the above, I quite like the idea of:

• Monday: you WFH, DH shift, DC childcare
• Tuesday: you office, DH off, DC at home
• Wednesday: you off, DH shift, DC at home
• Thursday: you community, DH off, DC at home
• Friday: you community, DH shift, DC at childcare
• Saturday: EOW DH shift, DC with you, EOW family day
• Sunday: Family day

If you can make it work like that it’s ideal. Not the same but I do 4 days with a 3yo and a 2yo but we work around each other to WFH so they don’t do long days in childcare. Plus someone is always around the corner in case of emergency.

I wouldn’t do condensed personally - I’m knackered already!

I went back 4 days after 1 DC and found it to be fine but I finished at 5pm and was home by 5.30: I think longer days I’d struggle as you don’t know what sleep you’ll be getting at that stage either. Before trying for second DC I went back to work full time for the better maternity pay and to be honest it wasn’t worth it as I was so exhausted and that pregnancy was hard going working full time with a toddler.
After second DC I went back for 3 days for 6 months then increased to 4 days and that’s been relatively fine

I think 4 normal days would be a nice balance if you can afford it. It will be hard but you will get used to it, and find a new routine. I work full time, but shifts, so I have quite a few days off in a row, and I only have 1 child.

I condense 10 days in 9 and wouldn't do 5 in 4 - in fact my company don't actually allow it anymore due to the work load over the 4 days.

Counter to that, would your company actually reduce your workload for 4 days? I know people that have gone down to 4 but actually just feel like they are doing a full time job for 80% of the pay. So it does kind of depend on your job and company.

With 2 working parents outsource what you can to enjoy the weekend - our cleaner and food shop delivery really to help us have time to enjoy with the kids.

We both do 32 hours compressed into four days and that works really well.

What are your DH's plans for working pattern - is he considering any changes?

He will request the same weekday off each week

I went back four days when DS was nine months, then back up to full time when he was 15 months. That felt right for us but if we have a second then I’m not sure I'd want to go back full time so soon.

I do 4.5 days condensed into 4, which works well. It's slightly longer days with shorter lunch breaks. My office is local though which helps.

for me, TTC at end of mat leave and going back pregnant is the worst idea here.
going back to work after a baby is HARD, the separation, the tiredness, the juggling of it all. You want to add pregnancy tiredness and sickness, and hormonses on top of that?
plus your baby 1 is likely to be sick a lot when they start childcare.

also to consider can you afford nursery fees for two?

go back 4 days a week first and see how you find it before you throw pregnancy in the mix.

I went back full time after my 1st and it was a struggle as we were both shift workers.

I do 30 hours over 4 days and it works but I do only work 1 day in the office the rest from home.

School & childminder are also 5 minutes away which is a massive help x

There are so many factors that are personal to you and your circumstances; I had four children and went back full time after each one, and had no problems at all, but I was quite lucky with the type of job my partner and I do, and with how easy our children were.

I went back full time after each of mine were 16-20 months. I was gagging for some adult time by then Babies are lovely, toddlers are HARD WORK. I'd have gone back after a year but it wasn't feasible for various reasons (moving countries mainly).

No regrets but I had a cleaner and help after nursery - kids went part time for the first year. Also my DH is in education so he was home before me in the evenings. I think if you don't have some kind of home support, it's very tough. Especially with multiple kids - with one you can take turns but with two (three in my case - twins second time), you're both non-stop till they're asleep.

Do you have to decide now? See how you feel when baby is 8 months ...

I second this.

It’s not a popular view on here as everyone seems to be trying to actively plan 2 under 2, but enjoy your first baby.

Enjoy some breathing space and their growing independence.

Enjoy giving them your full attention and energy instead of being addled with morning sickness on the sofa.

Enjoy your husband and the chance to reconnect after putting one child to bed.

Enjoy running around soft play with your toddler instead of being stuck with a newborn.

Enjoy the extra time for you after growing and mothering your first baby.

Parenthood isn’t a shit sandwich that needs to be gobbled up and ‘got out the way’. It’s so short. And the benefits of ‘two close in age’ are not always assured.

Have you had your baby yet? I can’t tell if you're already on maternity leave or not. I would wait and see how it feels to be at home with a baby fill time and then make your decision I found it quite tough and went back to work (4 days) when dd was 6 months old as that felt right. It was a short commute and I enjoyed my job. However, 4 days a week means that you essentially do the same amount of work over a shorter time and take a 20pc pay cut. In your situation and with a day at home anyway, I'd be tempted to go back full time - especially as you may then go on mat leave again. You could always use your accrued leave to take a day off a week (if they allow you to) for the first 5 months or so.