How to stop caring what people think

[Sweeties1989]

I am always worried about peoples opinions are of me. My boyfriend is 15 years older and weve just been to sainsburys. He was making me laugh and we were being a little daft. As i got to the self check out i realised my new boss was standing there. She was in her smart suit and we didnt make eye contact. I didnt speak to her because we didnt look at one another. Now im paranoid she will be judging me.

I do this alot and i dont know why? How can i help myself more.

I think there are quite a few issues here jumbled up.

Firstly: people genuinely don’t pay anywhere near as much attention to you as you think they do. Virtually nobody who you see at the shop registers you much beyond the split second they lay eyes on you, and has forgotten about it entirely a moment later. Unless you were behaving entirely offensively and inappropriately, your boss will currently be giving you having a laugh with your boyfriend precisely zero shits. If she didn’t make eye contact it’s almost certainly because you’re new, not familiar to her, and she was engrossed in thinking about her own dinner.

Secondly: well, boss aside, what happens if people do notice and judge you? The invisible contents of other people’s heads can’t hurt you and nor will they have any actual impact on your life. The other day I was late and ran to the pub like a dork whilst dressed like a sentient jumble sale. People saw. Nothing bad happened to me.

And that’s ultimately how you stop caring what people think of you. “Nothing bad will happen to me if other people don’t appreciate or like me.”

Are you suffering from the 'Spotlight Effect' ?

Maybe a little.

But also, a little insecurity because of your partner's age? Maybe.
Or just a bit concerned because your boss is there?
Could be

I'd be worried if I saw my boss in public... But only if I'd rang in sick that day. Lol.

Honestly, don't worry, even bosses have fun, I'd hope anyway

I think sometimes the age thing bothers me. But im attracted to him and stuff. Perhaps at work i behave for the atmosphere. We was disgusted at the £2.99 chewing gum pot and i said sod that. Then he cracked a joke about the security guard chatting up the staff and she was right there. She knows me quite well now as 3 weeks in. I spoke to her yesterday. I felt so awkward and didnt wanna introduce ir make small talk.

I need to try harder to stop caring.