Neighbours child crying and wailing

[Midnightcoffee]

I live next door to a young couple with a nursery or reception aged child. I don't have much to do with them, just occasionally say hello. The mum is a bit frosty.

The child cries without fail every morning and night, it's very loud and goes on for at least an hour at a time. It seems the child cries upon waking every day and is left to cry. This week the child has been at home and wailing for a few hours. I work at home mostly and the walls are thin so I can hear every scream and wail. The parents don't seem to do much in the way of comforting the child. The mum sometimes berates her and very oddly sometimes makes a sort of loud whooping sound (like you would if playing a game but seems odd to do so whilst the child is crying). It's a bit odd and distressing to be honest.

Wwyd. I don't want to be a nosy neighbour but at the end of my tether most days with the crying and screaming.

You can make a report to SS. You can make it anonymously if you'd prefer.

Sometimes I dread to think what our neighbours think!!

My kids are quick to meltdown and nothing helps, we just have to let it pass but we are there trying to calm the situation. We suspect youngest is autistic and he's awaiting assessment and whilst the sweetest boy most of the time can completely lose control.

If it was me I would much prefer the neighbours spoke to us so I could explain that they are very much cared for.

But if the mum is frosty with you this might not be the best approach.

You could flag with SS. Or contact the nursery / school if you know where she attends to raise your concerns.
Personally whilst I'd be mortified for disturbing the neighbours to the point of complaint I would rather have a SS visit and know that people were looking out for my child than know people don't report if worried and children continue in bad situations.

Social Services. Explore sound insulation. Been there.

Its difficult to say based on this alone.

You haven't pinpointed the age, so a nursery age child is expected to cry, a school age child less so.

We don't know if the child has a developmental delay or cognitive issues etc.

It's not clear why the child is crying. Whether the child has been left, or the parent has given up trying. Or the parent has intentionally left them because they're feeling angry and are keeping the child away as they cool down.

The whooping is strange.

I had a chat with one of my neighbours last week. They asked how our children are, and I said challenging. They lightheartedly said "yeah, we've heard" etc. And now I know that, I've been trying to keep it down, get to bed on time.

You could try approaching first, but if you're certain it's worrying, then call and stay anonymous. Worst that happens, they're a bit annoyed.

As @PilIowCat said, it's impossible for us to judge from here.

If you think a child is being abused or neglected, then you need to report it.

You can't actually know if the child is being left to cry, the parent may be speaking softly to them, sitting by them, cuddling them or otherwise comforting them, or indeed leaving them to cool down because they know from experience that this is what their child needs when overwhelmed.

Some children do cry a lot, whether because of some additional need or because it's just their personality to be readily upset and they're too young to regulate that just yet.

Likewise, most parents can confess to having snapped at times, and if the crying has you on edge then imagine being a parent living with it, they're probably at the end of their tether.

Unless the child appears to be at risk of harm then you just have to suck it up I'm afraid - children are allowed to cry, particularly in the safety and comfort of their own home.

I honestly don't know what to think. It's just a very weird type of crying and screaming.

I grew up with 3 siblings and have two of my own. I know kids have tantrums, meltdowns whatever but this has been going on nearly everyday for two years. The kid is crying all the time so inconsolably. Doing my head in.

You haven't pinpointed the age, so a nursery age child is expected to cry, a school age child less so.

The child is around 3 or 4, I'm not sure. They definitely go to school nursery or reception.

The child cries every morning, every evening. Not a few sobs but extreme wailing and screaming cries that last 1 hour maybe more. Sometimes it sounds like they've been left to it.

Yes the whooping from the mum is extremely strange and annoying. It seems like she does this to distract the child. Very odd.

You can't actually know if the child is being left to cry, the parent may be speaking softly to them, sitting by them, cuddling them or otherwise comforting them, or indeed leaving them to cool down because they know from experience that this is what their child needs when overwhelmed.

Mostly not comforting them as I can hear the adults footsteps and talking elsewhere. Sometimes when the child is crying I can hear the mum harshly reasoning with the child, like you would perhaps with a teenager.

I don't mind sucking it up indeed but feel sorry for the child and its doing my head in listening to the constant crying. It's becoming so regular like clock work.

Hmm your OP said the child cries twice a day for an hour each time, didn't it? Now you're saying 'all the time'...which are quite different?

If you have genuine concerns I would report them to SS of course.

If not, I don't think there's anything you can do about it unfortunately. I don't see the point in approaching the mother, it's not like she isn't aware. Either she is doing everything she can already and nothing else can be done about it, or she doesn't care and still won't. My bet is that the former is overwhelmingly likely to be the case, of course. My DC1 is a child who has always cried, screamed, and wailed a lot. I know it's nothing I do as DC2 isn't like that. DC1 is nearly 6 and definitely we've seen so much less of it over the last year gradually thank GOODNESS. However before then they really would regularly totally meltdown to deafening volumes. It is so hard being that parent who has to live with that especially when often there's very little that seems to help/stop the child. I can well understand how irritating the noise must be to live nextdoor to - before we had DC we once lived in a flat above an overcrowded family with three toddlers/babies and they were such a noisy family in many, many ways. But still, nothing we could do about it, it was just family noise, albeit a lot of it!

Hmm your OP said the child cries twice a day for an hour each time, didn't it? Now you're saying 'all the time'...which are quite different?

Yes twice a day, morning and evening. I'd sort of class that as all the time. This week for longer during the day.

Either she is doing everything she can already and nothing else can be done about it, or she doesn't care and still won't.

Yes you're right. I am just venting and trying to get a sense of what others would do I've never heard anything like it. I have no idea what passes the threshold for picking up the phone to SS.

I would be concerned about this too and it would also do my head in. But mainly feeling sorry for the little one who clearly isn't getting the emotional love he/she needs. :(

Heya OP - did you ever find out what was going on? My boyfriend and I moved into a home recently and the neighbours 14 year old cries every morning for an hour, sometimes just a couple sobs but sometimes (more often) full screaming. We haven’t heard the parents being violent towards her, but we also haven’t slept since we moved in here.

We have tried just waking up earlier but the time she screams is anytime between 6am - 9am - we think the irregularity of her wake up and come home time might not be helping her either.