Aging parent ignoring uti

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Posting here for traffic.

My mother is 71. She can be so stubborn. She can be unreal at times.

Earlier in the week she told me she thinks she has a UTI but she can't fully describe her symptoms. She had an over the counter medicine - UTIpro. I wasn't too keen on it because she said she had symptoms on Saturday but it was only Monday when she started that medicine. I thought it was time for the doctor and antibiotics. I don't live in the UK where pharmacists can prescribe medicine for UTI.

I encouraged my mother all week to make an appointment with her GP.
Yesterday morning - she turned full on crazy angry. I think it was likely UTI related. It was over the tumble dryer. I asked her if it was on for long and she fucking flipped at me with rage. An hour later acted as if nothing happened.

She's up and moving about this morning. She finally made and appointment but it's for tomorrow.

She only made an appointment because my own health condition flared up and I have an infection in my bowel. So all morning I spoke about how nice my GP was and I can't ignore this and I have antibiotics now and the GP was so lovely and all morning. That was the thing that prompted my mother into making an appointment with her GP. Just to copy me. If I encourgaged her she would have fought it every way.

Also she now has a rash that is blisters on her neck. And she's going because of that. She is dead straight in telling me that it's food allergy but she never had that before and I think it's absolutely connected together. The rash and her ignoring likely UTI symptoms.

I was in an impossible situation if I rang the GP for a house call my mother would have killed me. She wasnt too bad for an ambulance. I don't have a car where I could trick her to get into it and bring her to A+E.

I asked her to phone her GP again and see if they can see her today for an emergency but she won't do that.

My nerves are shot. I can't believe she is so ignorant and stubborn and ignored this all week long until it's getting worse. I mean like who the hell wants to go to hospital. She's also just like a toddler where I have to coax her and bribe her and trick her and use reverse psychology on her where I had to go to my own doctor for a flare up and bowel infection and that prompted her.

Should I go to work later or will I have to stay with her in case she deteriotes.

Needless to say I will have to come up with a plan this evening to go to her appointment with her tomorrow morning in case the GP sends her to the hospital because she won't go there.

How the fuck do some old people make life so hard and complicated, not all but some. I am absolutely astonished. This shouldn't have been so hard to phone her GP earlier in the week.

I thought you were going to say 91 not 71. Could the rash be shingles?

At first I got a fright thinking maybe the UTI is progressing but mayne it's shingles. She has a GP appointment tomorrow. Hopefully she will go.. I will have to get up extra early tomorrow and make sure she gets up and go. I can't understand how someone can be so ignorant and of she deteriotes and needs the hospital - nobody wants to go there. I can't believe she didn't act sooner to avoid the hospital as best as you possibly can.

I begged her yesterday to make a doctor's appointment but she refused to listen. And if I intervened she would fight against that too.

If she does need the hospital I won't be supporting her. I will bring her in and leave her there and she can deal with the consequences.

My nerves are shot.

Op the rash could be shingles. The uti can cause mood swings and confusion in the elderly. Big hugs to you I know its horrible. Went through the same thing with my mum x

My nerves are shot. She was someone who needed a doctor on Tuesday. She definitely needed a doctor yesterday. She needed one today. If I intervened she was going to fucking kill me and make my ears and head explode with the anger even though I am coming from a good place. She has comprehension that her symptoms has the potential to progress. I had to use reverse psychology on her this morning so that she would pick up her phone and phone the GP clinic.

Life shouldn't be this hard. I'm just utterly utterly utterly astonished at the pure ignorance.

I think you need to take a step back OP. Yes, you have a stubborn parent, but that's her life choice. All you can do is suggest things - she is perfectly within her rights to ignore your suggestions.

It does sound a bit like she's doing it for the attention / cutting her nose off to spite her face, as the saying goes.

My mother can be the same. The more I go on about something and offer helpful advice or suggestions, the more resistant she becomes to doing anything about whatever the issue is. In a weird reverse-psychology way, she takes more care of herself when I keep my trap shut.

I disagree.

I was coming from a good place and a faithful position.

I know a couple who had to take their child to A+E. They waited for over 13 hours and they were still not seen to and they walked out from A+E.

My concerns and urges for the GP was in case my mother deteriotes. I was trying to prevent a deterioration. Act fast with the GP was my position in the hope that it avoids the hospital.

Nobody should be adding to those waiting lists. In my mother's case shes not well and it was good dame fucking ignorant to put herself into a position where she might deteriorate and need further care. It's just......I can't understand it. My urges were based on preventative measures.

You are right I did think of that over the past few days if she's doing this for attention. It's unreal.

If she deteriorated and had to go to A+E it could have been prevented just by going to the GP earlier.

Im lucky in that she saw sense and made the call herself for an appointment but I am now in work til late worried about her and knowing what way she will be later. She really wasn't well but she's wasn't sick enough either. God only knows what's going to happen over night as well.

She's utterly utterly utterly ignorant and stubborn.

Also say for example she did take a turn - it's me left dealing with the mess. She showed no comprehension or concern towards that element. I tired telling her that it's cancelled turn very nasty and you can't ignore them but she dismissed me saying 'that won't happen'. She was utterly ignorant to all of it.

Taking a step back doesn't mean you don't care but worrying about her actions that you ultimately have no control over achieves nothing. Say your piece then leave it with her. You aren't her parent and she's not a child that needs decisions making for her and "being told" what to do (unless she's not of sound mind and you have power of attorney to make those decisions on her behalf).

Hi OP,
UTIs can cause all sorts of weird symptoms especially in older people, such as confusion, aggression, anxiety and general cognitive impairment. As well as rash. She's probably not capable at the moment of truly understanding worst case scenarios or realising how she is affecting you.

If she already had the tablets "in stock" it sounds like she may get frequent UTIs. Thing is, some UTIs need specific antibiotics to really clear.

If you can, go with her to the doctor tomorrow. If she refuses, call the GP and ask them for advice about what to do next - they'll have dealt with this kind of situation before.