Devastated husband wants divorce

[Soontobesingles]

I married my husband just over a year ago. We have a 2 year old and I have a 9 YO from a previous who lives with us 50/50. DH and I were together 18 mo before marriage but friends for a couple years before that. My DH always had a problem with my 9 yo, not to the child but to my ex. He hates that we speak regularly (a few times a week about son) and are on good terms (we been broke up since my son was 1 and both moved on but amicable for the child). Though it seemed to me DH got on well with my son and we have lovely holidays and fun times, DH has recently said he has resentment to my son cos he is so like his dad and doesn’t enjoy time he is with us. All the looking like he is happy has been pretend apparently. Today husband said he can’t stand the situation any more, doesn’t want to resent me and the child as it’s not good for us and wants a divorce. What can I do?! Why did he marry me and have our baby if he feels like this?! He just says he thought it would get better with time and our own kid but has got worse and his mind is made up. I am a wreck what do I do? How can he do this to our child? He just says he can’t help his feelings and doesn’t want his child to have a resentful parent. So just walk out on us?!?

Another stepparent here - chiming in to say resentment can be a normal part of the process and is really hard to deal with. My SD is so like her mum, and it sometimes has me raging. I’ve certainly expressed my feelings to DH, because he can tell when something’s up and asks. Obviously she’s his kid and I wouldn’t ask him to choose, but there’s been many times when I have felt I might have to choose between staying and accepting his ‘package deal’ or leaving and never having to see or hear about any of the drama of his ex and DD again. A couple months ago I was ready to go, but DH convinced me to try again, and here we are. If your DH has weighed the odds and can’t take the stepparent role I completely get it. I do wonder what he thinks will happen with your joint child tho. If he meets someone else the shoe will be on the other foot - that’s one reason I stay in my marriage, could not bear for my DD to have someone feel about her the way I feel about SD.