Why Am I Like This? Anyone Else?

[GeneHuntsCowboyBoots]

So, I have ME and Fibro. At the beginning of the week I was ill with some sort of headachey, sore throat bug. When I’m ill like that, or even ill in a flare, I either feel down or spend a lot of time thinking ‘when I feel better, I’ll do x, y and z’ and it will give me ‘hope’. X, y or z for me will be something like do a simple sewing project or I had planned on joining an online class for something.

This morning is the first morning I’ve woken up with no headache and no sore throat and I’ve lost all motivation. I literally just cannot be arsed. But I’m also bored.

In fact, thinking about it, this doesn’t just happen when I’m additionally ill or in a flare. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I could do and I feel enthusistic when thinking about the activities but when it comes to doing them, I feel like I get a mental block.

Over the years I’ve thought of learning calligraphy, doing more sewing, learning sign language, building miniature sets, colouring books, learning to crochet and many others I can’t think of off the top of my head.

I just don’t get why I’m like this. Why can’t I find something and follow through with it? Is it because it’s just not for me? Or is it a rut I’ve got myself into? Thanks for any insight!

Is it because you are woolly in your description of what you do - like 'learning more sign language' or 'doing more sewing'? To get myself going on a project I have to have something simple and tangible then it feels reel and as though I've committed to it and have to follow it through.

Perhaps if you were more specific, and started in a small way, you would get going on something that would be less intimidating.

Perhaps rather than 'learning more sign language' you could sign up for a day course somewhere. Instead of 'doing more sewing' order a small sewing kit on line, like make a bag in a day with all the stuff to do it in a box. Then set yourself a day/week to do it.

If it's a finite project you won't feel you have to do sewing for the rest of your life. If you don't enjoy it, move on to something else until you find what you love. Then you won't be able to stop doing it.

For me the thought of learning something new is always more exciting than actually doing it. And I have so many hobbies/interests that most of the time I can't think what I want to spend my time on, when I do find myself with some free time.

What I've found helps is to pick one hobby and then set a timer for 10 minutes and do that thing. Very often once I'm sat down and doing it, I ignore the timer when it goes off.

With sewing, from time to time I just lose my sewing mojo. Even if I'm really excited about a project. Again, allocating a small pocket of time e.g. "I'm just going to cut out the fabric for this project" or "I'm going to just sew on the pockets" gets me out of a rut.

Some people are just more like this than others, I think its called ‘future faking yourself!’ In my experience it’s quite common, it’s why social media scrolling is so addictive. “Just five more mins and I’ll start ironing/exercising/start that sewing project”.

I certainly get this when I have a migraine. I get bad ones so I have to go straight to bed. But often before the migraine strikes, I get a lovely feeling of euphoria and energy and start thinking of all the things I will do. Then BAM the migraine starts - so I lie in bed, thinking of all the things I want to get on with when I’m better. But when I’m better, I don’t!

There could be so many reasons why you do this psychologically. However I would concentrate more on how to get yourself motivated when you are mojo less.

Look on line ref habit stacking, the Podomoro? habit, stop procrastinating, I’m sure there are others.

Often it is suggested that you need to set yourself up for success. So if you want to go for a run first thing in the morning, put your running clothes ready so that’s what’s you get dressed in first.

As already suggested, getting started is often the biggest hurdle. Tell yourself you’ll just do x for 10 mins. It’s surprising how often you’ll get stuck into it and do a whole load more.

I do my crochet and tapestry while I’m watching tv in the evening. It also stops me being distracted by my phone, so I actually watch the tv program.

Thank you for the replies. They’re very helpful. I do think it could be the fact that the whole thing seems overwhelming so I will break it down into chunks.

Today, although I’ve not had the headache or throat issues, I’ve felt so tired so ended up napping this afternoon after doing pretty much nothing apart from general morning chores like chucking some washing in and making beds. In fairness, I probably should have napped earlier and maybe I would have been ok this afternoon. Generally though, when I nap, I wake up feeling sluggish and often worse, but sometimes there’s no other option than to sleep.

@Imgoingtobefree OMG, the euphoria thing is exactly how I would desribe it too. It’s usually fleeting but enough for me to think it’s ‘possible’. How weird! I have often fancied either cross stitch or embroidery to stop the mindless scrolling, even while watching tv, but when I tried them, I ended up in pain from the repetitive arm movements. Typical!

@Buttheywereonlysatellites51 I think the idea of breaking it down in terms of sewing is a good idea. I have some Peppa Pig fabric and I want to make my small niece a little tote bag and purse. Both the simplest of projects but totally overwhelming in terms of getting started at the minute. You’re so right about the thought of doing something being more exciting!

@Churchview you could be on to something there. I think it all comes down to it being too big a task and breaking it down sounds like it should make things easier.