Quick backstory. We are 4 siblings. The eldest, my sis, still lives with my parents and is single, no kids. The rest of us have moved out but live local.
I was the last one to move out so have lived with eldest dsis the longest. Her personality, I would describe as difficult and high maintenance. She usually says things that are insulting but thinks nothing of it if you pull her up on it as she's just saying how it is. eg she will comment if she thinks you've put on weight. So she'd say you look fat in this. Have you put on weight. She'll mention it again if she sees you. I am shy and quiet and keep myself to myself. She repeatedly used to tell me in my early 20s that I'd never find a partner. Who would be with you when there's loads of other people who have more to offer etc.
Anyway when she was in her mid 20s she developed OCD. She wouldn't go to the GP for a good few years as she didn't want this on her notes and hated the stigma. It was extremely difficult living with her. She would pick on me and my mum, constantly nit picking, watching what we'd do. If she wasn't happy with something eg we hadn't washed our hands after we'd thrown something in the kitchen bin then she'd make us do this and watch if done properly. She'd make us clean things if she felt we hadn't done right. She'd make us change our clothes if she felt we'd touch something 'dirty". There's all sorts but these are some examples. She would snap and scream at us if we went out of line and didn't do things to her standards or if we refused to do her rituals.
As you can imagine, we had to live on eggshells and constantly be vigilant and aware of what we could say, what we could do. It was really stressful. My DM used to wait till she left the house before doing certain jobs and she would 'start" on her if she was there.
It wasn't until I left and after a few years later, that I realised how bad things were living there when one day I noticed how relaxed and calm I was in my own home. I never felt like that and neither did my DM.
Over the years, our DM has stopped 'fighting' it and now her life revolves within an inch of dsis She does this to keep the peace and have an easier life. Over the years DMS health has deteriorated and it's hard for her to cope so this is the only way. Her life has become smaller and smaller too as dsis controls where, when she goes out. She doesn't like her visiting certain people, she didn't want her joining a hobby evening class etc. She controls DM and DM can't see it.
Her other behaviour has got worse over time but not sure it's linked to OCD. Her rudeness, abruptness and confrontations have increased. She thinks she has it worse than everyone else and if we have a problem she just throws it in our face that we have kids and a partner so 'at least it's not as mad as me'. DM says she's become like this person because of her mental health but I'm not so sure.
Dsis has had received several bouts of CBT therapy from the NHS but not sure how effective it has been as after awhile it can flare up again esp when triggered by a stressful event etc. Her way of keeping it in control, is by controlling her home and DM. She doesn't clean, cook, or do the shopping. She doesn't even clear her plate off the kitchen table. DM says because she will wash her hands too much so it's best that she clears up after her.
Yesterday I went to visit DM who had a really bad flu. She'd asked if I could bring some home made soup and I found her in the kitchen cooking. I asked her what she was doing as I had the soup with me. She told me that she was cooking for dsis as there was no food in the house and she wouldn't want the soup I'd made.
It made me really sad and I just felt so sad when I got home and angry too at dsis. I know she has a mental health problem but surely this doesn't mean you get to control others and where's her empathy? She was so ill yesterday, and poor DM in the kitchen cooking for her getting it ready for when she comes home from work.
I don't really know what the point of this post is but is there anyone else with family members with OCD. Is this what it's like?