How do I build my confidence with driving?

[DrvingConfidence]

I passed my test on first attempt just before lockdown, I had 2 minors. I know my former driving instructor socially and he still says I am one of the most nervous pupils he’s ever had but I am also the one he tells people about because I was so sure that not only would I fail but I would fail spectacularly and be banned from ever driving again. He tells anyone whose unconfident about me apparently.

He’s taken me for a drive a few times since I passed and says I am really good, I make a few small mistakes but nothing so bad it’s a disaster or I can’t correct while driving (things like getting into 3rd gear when waiting at lights to change when I need 1st but I correct it before moving off).

But I still feel nervous and unconfident when driving.

I think my biggest issue is I don’t actually need to drive. I am a single parent to a disabled DC, but my DC absolutely loves trains and buses which suits me just fine so days out or none local hospital appointments can be done on bus or train, DC is at a special school so gets school transport, shops are half a mile away so I walk, I can and do work from home etc. so I can go weeks or even months without the need to drive as I only really drive if an appointment isn’t manageable by public transport (2-3 times a year) or I’m going into the office with work (I only have to go in every 6-8 weeks but can go more often).

Do I just need to do lots of driving to get it right? Or is there something else I can do to build my confidence because I think if I can get it I’ll be ok.

Yes, you need to practice! Even just a few short trips every week will help. If you are worried about 'other people' put a P plate on your car to warn them you are a new driver. It's a good skill - you never know when there might be an emergency and you'll need to get somewhere without using trains or buses. Good luck!

If you passed your test with only 2 minors you must have been pretty confident and competent that day! It's just practice and experience and driving as infrequently as you are won't help. Think how much your car is costing to park if you're only driving it once a month or so and make use of it! I don't like journeys for the sake of it but do things like a big supermarket shop rather than walking several times a week etc or take it on days out.

Stick some music on in the car and practice practice practice.

The more you drive the more comfortable you will feel doing it. When I first started motorways terrified me so I worked up my confidence by using the local dual carrageway during quiet times. After a month or so my dad wanted a lift to the airport so I was forced onto the M25. Luckily it was rush hour so nearly stationary 😀

I still hate getting onto motorways, always feels dangerous.

It's taken me 2 years to stop the major stress I used to feel driving. My tip is to try and drive twice a week. Once to the supermarket and once on a trip somewhere. I take my dog to the beach. But try to not put too much pressure or guilt on yourself. You can take it at your own pace but you do need to drive still to get to feeling more confident.

Yep. Practice. That's all it takes.

Do you have a place to go for yourself that feels good? Say for example a swim/sauna at the gym, a friend's house or a local beauty spot for a walk? If you do try and do it once a week, you'll get a mental 'reward' for your actions and it will help to boost positive associations with driving.

I used to feel like you do too, it took me a long time to feel at home behind the wheel. I got through it by taking my DC's to places we couldn't go to previously on public transport and having a lovely time. To a point I also acknowledge to myself that I'm not a natural driver, I really had to work hard to gain the skills. I am however a safe driver and I think that's because I'm conscious and focused behind the wheel because it's a hard earned and learned skill for me! Try to remember that a lot of your nerves are down to being considerate of the safety of others. Good luck!

@MiddleAgedDread Thats the thing, I wasn't confident, I was certain I'd failed my instructor was in the car with me and he says it's one of the worst drives he's ever had with me, so I don't get how I passed!

You just need to drive, and lots and lots of driving. DH learned much older and he's a much more nervous driver than me. He said he gets stressed going on unfamiliar routes and motorways. Is there a reason you have a car and learned to drive? If it's to go to certain places, just practice that route a lot. DH gets stressed about parking too. So get to the place early and it'll be easier to find a car park.

What I'm saying is that you might not need to overcome the confidence issue totally to be able to drive.

I'm a very confident driver but I learned young and drove lots when I was late teens and early twenties. I made lots of mistakes and bumped my car into many things (car parks, parked cars etc, nothing major).

Practise practise practice for sure, I learned at 35 and so was nervous, and this is a bit of a mean technique but I thought of the most scatty person I know who drives and think if they can do, I can do it 😆

I think it’s almost a shame the driving instructor said that about you being nervous, it’s probably not helped. You just need to do more driving - maybe start at quieter times like Sunday morning?

Having confidence isn't want makes you a driver, passing your test does.

Maybe you need to drive more frequently

I don't think your instructor should have said that to you. One should never comment on someone's nerves/ lack of confidence.