Is my mum dying?

[RosaMoline]

I have already posted this in ‘elderly parents’ but thought it might get more traffic here:

In a nutshell:

Up to February this year, my mum was pretty independent albeit forgetful. Still living in her own home. Chatty and engaging.
Since about the middle of February, she’s had two medical episodes - falls which required hospital admission. The medical opinion was a mild heart attack.
The first time, she went into a nursing home as respite for 2 weeks, then back home with a carer popping in. In all honesty, it wasn’t entirely successful, she had another fall, back into hospital for a few days, back to the NH with the view that this would be permanent. That was the middle of March.
Since then, her decline has been swift and shocking. I can’t believe how rapid it’s all happened - conversation is minimal, she doesn’t smile any more, she’s no longer mobile, incontinent, doesn’t want to eat or drink, has to be fed.
My Dad passed 2 years ago. I think she’s literally ‘given up’ and wants to be with him.
She has no energy, sleeps a lot and feels unwell all the time (low sodium levels apparently)
Do you think this is the beginning of the end? I hope it doesn’t sound uncaring, but I’m hoping it is, as she’s very unhappy and clearly doesn’t want to be here.
Thank you for reading x

Yes OP, it does sound like that. Have you talked with the nursing home about her care? Does she have a DNR? You could also chat with the home's GP about what to do if your mum has a health crisis. Hospital may not be the best place for her if that happens.

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you and your mum. It does sound rather like it. Falls are often the beginning, and sadly being in hospital when you are elderly often seems to hasten decline.

Are you able to/want to visit and perhaps ask if she has any wishes?

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. It must be so so difficult. x

Do you think that she's depressed? Depression is a common symptom at the end of life (understandably!) but people don't really talk about it. I know of elderly people who have been given antidepressants when their bodies are slowing down. It may be worth considering.

Thank you all.
Yes she does have a DNR & full instructions about what happens if she passes.
It would be awful if she did have to go into hospital - we hope to avoid that if at all possible.
I do visit, but only once a month as she moved 100 miles away (wish I’d talked my parents out of that 15 years ago..nightmare)
My brother lives closer, like 20 miles but we don’t have a good relationship sadly (it used to be fine.. he’s massively resentful at being the child who lives closer…although he persuaded parents to move there…posted about this before)

My late mum was like this before she passed away and I can sympathize op. It's so hard and made more difficult with the other family stresses you have as well.
I am sorry

How old is she? We had a different but similar situation with FIL and I think there is definitely quite a big element of them deciding that's enough and their body at a certain age goes fairly rapidly downhill.

It's a really difficult time, sending strength.

Sorry I forgot to mention in my OP. She’s 85.

No. Low sodium can cause all of those symptoms. However, it can also be fatal. Your DM needs to see a doctor urgently as she has deteriorated. There are many causes of low sodium, from medications or dehydration to kidney or liver disease.

I noticed similar when my mum was dying. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was fine for a few months. Still chatting and interested in her tv shows and generally being her normal self. But then went through kind of a change after a stay in hospital.
She didn't really want to chat or watch any tv. She was just kind of vacant. Only really ate a bite of a cake occasionally. Could only really be tempted to eat sweet things here and there.
She went from being able to walk almost normally to being totally bed bound in the space of a week.
I was shocked at how rapidly it all happened. But I remind myself that at least she didn't have any extended suffering.

Sorry… that sounded a bit blunt! Low sodium levels in the elderly can be very serious but the cause may be something easily fixable or manageable.

Can you ask to have all her medication checked for any side effects? I only mention bc an elderly relative looked ill , had gone downhill since the previous day’s visit, when her carer arrived just to do her lunch. Luckily carer was on the ball , said she had to call a dr, relative blue lighted to hospital. She’d been given a med and it had stripped something from her body ( potassium?). Might be worth asking.

My dear mum was the same, she went into hospital just once for fluids but it was agreed with her blessing that she go back to the home, to eat and drink if she wanted to, not for hospital again. She didnt want to be poked and prodded and hospital treatment was just delaying the inevitable
Sending hugs at this difficult time,

I’m so sorry op 💐. Sending and calming thoughts through the airwaves to you.

It does sound like your mum is nearing the end. I am NOT an HCP but from what I have learned from looking after my own parents and pils, I think high sodium can be related to problems with the heart, liver and kidneys. Your mum should be receiving meds to relieve any nausea or related symptoms.

Also sleeping a lot and withdrawal from conversation are indicators that your mum is approaching the end of her life which I hope is as painless and comfortable for her as possible.

Sorry to say but you do have to advocate quite forcefully for elderly parents to get them the care they need from the NHS nowadays even when that goes against your usual inclination. 💐

Thanks all…yes the GP is aware of the sodium issue & has changed her meds. That could be related to diabetes medications.
It’s gone up slightly today, which is a positive.
Other than that, it’s literally as if the ‘light has gone out’ IYSWIM.
If she passes soon, it’ll be a blessing…she does not want to be here.

But it is probably the sodium levels that are making her feel like she doesn’t want to be here. The light may well come back on if they are sorted. Are her sodium levels being closely monitored?

They are, yes.
thank you x