TV for babies

[YourBusyDreamer]

Hello
Im 22 years old so I'm a young mom. I have a one year old named W. She's recently turned one in the last month. I'm a single mom. Her dad lives 300 miles away so barely gets to see her and I have very little family support. It's just me and her. I live alone in a 2 bedroomed house. I was a kid that was in care so the social worker helped me get it. Because I grew up in care and was abused by parents and also foster parents I had issues growing up that made the social workers concerned I wouldn't be able to care for my little one. Didn't help her dad was emotionally abusive.
So, now you have some background let's get into the nitty gritty.
My kid has been watching TV pretty much since the day she was born. I didn't know any nursery rhymes but was suggested to sing to her so I would do that by watching sing and learn YouTube channel. I would sing to her for an hour a day as a newborn. We'd also do messy play and sensory activities as up until she was 6 months I was in a mother baby unit. After I left and got my own place I struggled mentally. I was constantly stressed and worried the social workers would take my child and I was dealing with lawyers preparing to go to court. I took W to the park and out to see family and swimming and mainly to see my old time friend of two years who would eventually become my boyfriend. You'd think knowing someone for 2 years would let you know a person. My mental health dipped and I was more irritated and angry with him. He would control aspects of my life and even tried to minimise contact with my daughter's dad even though my daughters dad just wanted to discuss contact and childcare money. He was horrible and jealous and my final straws were when he raped me then hit me in front of my daughter when I called him out.
When I was with him I'd struggle to care for my daughter. Her routine had gone out the window and she wouldn't sleep very well. She still went to playgroups and to swimming but she had trouble sleeping and didn't really do much other than lie on her back and play with her toys alone or watch bluey. On the days he wasn't around we would sing and play and genuinely have more fun and it felt better and safer in the house. I was already stressed from everything going on and him that I just couldn't find it within myself to deal with W so I would just give her the tablet of bluey and just let her watch that until she fell asleep. I feel awful that I even did this.
Luckily I broke it off with the idiot after only 2-3ish months of dating and everything got better. See I knew back then I should probably be on medication but he would tell me not to take it. After he was gone I took my medication and went to therapy and over came my problems with stress and postpartum depression and life got better for us both. She was watching less TV and had me playing with her all the time and we had more money to go to playgroups and swimming and days out and things just got better.
She still watches TV and she loves bluey.
When she turned 1 year old I had to stop her going to her regular playgroups as they were no longer age appropriate and I had to find somewhere else for her to go. I've only just recently found one close to my house so I have to use buses minimal. Money has also been tight so I haven't been able to take her to the playgym or swimming like usual. Instead I've been trying to take her to the park regularly but can't always do that with it raining in the UK all the time and with is being prime flu season, plus she's only just got over measles. I still try to sing with her every day using super simple songs on YouTube and I let her watch bluey. But this is where the questions I'm asking comes in.
My little one only watches streamed TV. I don't have regular TV so she doesn't see adverts or anything not family friendly. She only watches YouTube on the TV when it's super simple songs and nothing else and she only ever has my phone when watching bluey when waiting for the bus and it's long wait hours. Very rarely does she watch anything on my phone. I've noticed recently her watching TV has increased. Now she's walking it's easier to let her watch TV when I'm cooking or when doing the housework. I don't like silence and I'm not a talkative person so it's easy to just put bluey on and let her have fun. There's no one else for her to play with other than me but in all honesty I struggle to play with her. I don't know what I'm doing half the time. I talk to her and I read to her and I sing to her but when it comes to her toys I don't have a chance. I spent my childhood reading and when I couldn't read I played behind the sofa with paper so I just have 0 clue whàt I'm supposed to do. Most of her toys are from the charity shop so they work pretty spotty or the batteries need replacing but I don't always have money for batteries so a lot of her toys are trash. I googled activities to do with her and I found out it's bad for kids under 18 months to watch TV. I'm worried now. I really don't want to do the wrong thing and I don't want to mess up my child's future because I have no clue what I'm doing and because my childhood was so trash. It hasn't been easy for me what with me being completely alone and then got out of an abused relationship only to get right back in one and then back out of it again. I'm already worried about how that may have affected her and then I find out TV is bad for her too.
I don't always have the money for activities to do with her and the weather isnt great a lot of the time. Ive tried some activities I've found on Google but she doesn't seem all that interested. I like some ideas but like crafting a fabric box or a texture wall it's just having money for the materials. It's annoying following what Google says because not everyone has the materials that Google thinks people do. I don't have spare fabric lying around and I don't really have a lot of clothes so I can't go chopping them up nor do I have cardboard boxes lying around. My little one does like to play in water so I'm trying to do that more often. It suggested sand but it's not cheap to buy. I've been told rice is good but I have tried that before and she wasn't interested.
I'm worried I've broken my child. I want to get TV completely out of her life until she's older and then use it as a treat but I'm not sure if I can and I think it might be too late.
I dont want to be a bad mum but I feel like I have been. She was exposed to domestic violence in utero because me and her dad used to argue a lot because her dad was a moron. Then she was exposed to it because I rushed into a relationship before I was ready with a narcissist because I liked having help with the baby and help with money and because I didn't want to be alone and then now she watches way too much TV as it says online she shouldn't be having any TV time.
Maybe its not so bad because she goes to playgroups and the park and walks and such?
I'm thinking maybe I should start writing the nursery rhymes lyrics down because honestly I forget them without the music so that way I can sing to her without the TV on?
I'm not sure how that solves a lot of issues tho. Without the TV on its deathly silent in the house. It's uncomfortable.
I guess my questions are this:
Did anyone else let their kid watch TV? If so how'd they turn out in the future?
Does anyone have any solutions to not having the TV on? Activities that are affordable or free? Ways they played with their little ones?
Any advice?
I just feel like a horrible mom that's ruining her kids future.

Mines been watching paw patrol, Bing and Fireman Sam since birth: the perils of having an older brother!

Its fine but don’t let it replace talking and singing would be my only caveat.

Not a parent so I can't advise on the rest of it, but for the quiet house, could you use the radio? BBC Sounds is just a free app on your phone, or you can get it on a laptop if you have one. Then you've got sound but she's not watching a screen, if you want to reduce that.

Like the pp my second has watched way earlier because my first has it on!

It sounds like you’ve been through a lot and you’re working really hard at looking after you little girl. A bit of tv is fine but if you’re looking to cut down,maybe try playing the nursery rhyme videos on your phone but leaving it out of view, so you can hear the words to remind you but you’re both looking at each other instead of screens?

You are absolutely not a bad mum, it sounds like you've overcome so much and are trying to give your child a childhood you didn't experience.

It does sound like more tv than is ideal, but you know that and you're doing something about it.

Do you have Spotify? There are lots of nursery rhymes and children's songs on there. Do you have books? Often you can get them very cheap at Aldi or The Works, or of course from the library.

Does your library host rhyme time? Ours asks for a donation but not mandatory. Are there any stay and play groups locally?

If you Google "Montessori activities" you will find lots of things for your child's age.

My 10 month old watches TV occasionally, if I’m getting dressed or making him food because it keeps him occupied and otherwise he would be crying for me the whole time. I don’t see the point in him being distressed unnecessarily. People can be very overly dramatic about screens for young children. But I think as long as it’s not on constantly and you’re still giving them attention and they have chance to play and move around, a little TV isn’t going to do any harm.

Thank you so much for all your ideas everyone.
I honestly thought I'd be judged if im honest. All I've wanted was to provide her with the life i never had. I wanted her to have a father and mother and have the 'nucleur family' as I never had any of that and was moved around. I had to fight tooth and nail for her and I don't want the stuff I went through going up affecting her, nor how I am because of the things I've experienced to affect her. I want her to be successful and strong and happy.
I should clarify as I re-read the post. She didnt watch me get raped. She was only there to witness when I accused him of rape and then he hit me and I left pretty much right after. I do hope it hasn't affected her too much.
My early life was pretty neglected. I have 7 siblings so it was mainly helping take care of them or playing with paper as my favourite thing to play with teachers. I didn't have many toys and if I did they were broken because of my older siblings. That's why I'm not really sure how to play. I can think of plenty of games for older children but I have no clue for kids that don't speak. I have found that the TV often takes over in me having to speak to her which I know is horrible but I find that comfortable and I hate that I do.
Her dad is ten years older than me so his idea of parenting is a little different to mine. We used to argue about it constantly. He also has family members that I don't like that are addicted to drugs and he wanted them around the baby. He also had a brother he wanted around the baby who was a drug dealer and also recently found out he got his 13 year old daughter on weed and also he was chatting inappropriately to her 13 year old friend. I would always tell him no and he'd fight me on that and say his family aren't like my messed up family even though his family aren't that much better. He also wanted his coke addicted friend to be able to babysit because 'she has nephews and nieces she's babysat and nothing has happened.'

It was always like I was the older one even though he was ten years older than me. He also puts nappies on backwards and can't button a baby grow on right. He has changed now though as all the drug related people are gone from his life and he has his own place and he's started to realise his family aren't great and cut them out of his life too.
But that's why I couldn't be with him and give my daughter that family dynamic I wanted her to have with a mother and a father and a house full of love. I tried with a friend of 2 years that was really nice and would offer to help with money and was really good to me and willow in the beginning but then all of a sudden turned nasty. Her dad was my first proper relationship and he was the second. I'm sworn off them now. I'd rather my child have one happy parent that lives her rather than the horrible men we've had in our lives. She has my brother's for a male role model and they're the best and love her to pieces.

It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job amongst all the challenges you've had. Try not to overthink it all! We all want the 'best' childhood for our children, but stuff always happens to put the spanner in the works and we also make mistakes. Children grow up despite this; often the things we worry about either don't affect them or maybe affect them in positive ways. They remember the happy times the most.

Just my thoughts on the tv thing: kids can learn a lot from it too, maybe try to focus on the educational-type videos, or nature, or music etc. It doesn't all have to be age-centric. fwiw, I learned to read by age 3 from being sat in front of Playschool every day... (showing my age, there!)

Check out your local library. Most run a weekly rhyme time for free and local 'family hubs' (they were called sure start). Have free groups and have a toy library. There is nothing wrong with 2nd hand toys from charity shops. My ds now 11 picked up a minecraft toy from the charity shop the other day. He was extremely pleased!