How can I be a better wife?

[VegMam]

I’m not a very loving or expressive person and my DH finds this hard. He says he feels like he’s just there to help around the house and look after the kids but I don’t really love or value him as a person.

i really do love and appreciate him but life is busy and tiring with 3 young kids (no family or help nearby). I probably take him for granted.

How can I be more loving and considerate of DH’s feelings and show him that I value him? It doesn’t come naturally to me and so even if I try for a day I forget and slip back into old habits.

You might be better off asking for this to be moved to Relationships, but for starters, how does he show these things for you?

What’s he doing to make you feel loved and appreciated? If he is doing anything, then do the same back?!

Choose a husband who appreciates your way of expressing love?

Sorry to be unhelpful, but... why are you viewing yourself as needing to be different from how you are, according to someone else's design?

And if you want to be what he wants, what stops you asking him?

How can I ask for it to be moved?

I don’t know how he shows he loves me, I don’t really need that kind of validation. But he’s a great husband and father.

Three things:

1. It's often code for sex.
2. You have three young children and no help. You were always going to be 'head down working' for a couple of years. You do what you can but with three, it's really hard. What did you use to do? What does he do? We say 'thanks' a LOT to each other. And also if you have a meet-cute, studies show that talking about that is effective in making people feel loved.
3. It's sometimes code for an affair.

He sounds like my husband! I find it so irritating when I'm elbow deep in washing up, he comes up behind me for a cuddle. GET OFF IM BUSY! We've had many I don't love him conversations. I've tried to explain that people express love in different ways, such as I make his favourite meals, if I see his favourite chocolate or treat while out I'll pick it up for him, I'll make sure the football is on ready for when he gets in, I make his sandwiches for work etc.

Maybe just try to make sure you have a date night every now & then. We've always struggled with this too TBH as we have limited childcare options, we maybe get out together twice a year. But it's getting easier now the kids are a bit older. It's just a phase, it won't be forever.

Please don’t say ‘he helps around the house.’ If he cleans and cooks and looks after his kids it’s because he’ll behaving like an adult. If he asks you what needs doing and waiting for you to tell him then he’ll failing as an adult.
Talk to each other more.