Can we talk about soundproofing? And how to raise it with neighbour?

[FreakInTheSheets]

Hello

My bedroom backs onto the bedroom in the flat next to mine. Old building and I thought the walls were pretty decent but it does appear sound travels.

I've been lucky for years with just elderly folk in there but now there's a single woman in there in her 30s (no kids). She has a long distance relationship but the guy came to stay last year and although they weren't ridiculously loud or OTT, just normal sex noises, it's not very nice to be woken up by. I actually felt like there was a man in bed with me and it was quite upsetting due to my history so I really can't just "put up" with the noise.

She tells me he will be staying for a few weeks this summer and then moving in by the end of the year.

How do I raise with her the subject of soundproofing? Is this likely to be effective? Do both sides need done or just one? Likely cost? And who pays? Is there some other solution? Do I just start playing loud music when they're at it and hope they get the hint? Not sure earplugs are really going to cut it.

Each of us has 2 bedrooms but I can't swap mine over due to certain work equipment which only fits in the other room. Maybe I could suggest she swaps hers over? She has mentioned her plans to have a baby though so I wouldn't want the baby noises instead of the sex noises!

I wish I had enough money to buy detached and rural!!

Thanks

I think you can just sound proof your walls the cost would be yours I don't think you should approach your neighbour they were not excessively loud as you said, it really is your issue imo.

You can soundproof on your side, you can't ask her or expect her to soundproof hers.

And if I'm going to have a discussion with her, WHEN do I do it (before or after the next sex session?) and do I do it face to face or by text?

@tenderstem81 did you miss the bit where I said he was moving in permanently?

Just soundproof your side. Acoustic plasterboard and reskim, you'll lose a few cm off the room.

Has anyone had any soundproofing done and able to talk practicalities, cost, effectiveness etc?

I think this will be fine, they will be at it like rabbits for a week or two, but once the novelty of living together wears off that will settle into a more sporadic sex routine…………..

To be clear, very clear, you can tell them to do it, but they wont as they dont have to

OP, soundproof your side, use good stuff - if possible, full length fitted wardrobes floor to ceiling and end to end and a bit if sound proofing will do the trick

You're never going to really get it 100% soundproofed and of course you'll pay, it will be on your side as you've got the issue.

I'm soundproofing as my neighbours are the shouty type and every weekend is the same - rugby match means there up and stomping around at 7am (ok during the week) but at the weekend it boils my piss. I've stumbled across this wooden slat soundproofing boards - currently quite trendy so I'm opting for that on one side in my bedroom and the same also in my lounge. Not too expensive and certainly worth a try! Frigging annoying, I feel your pain.

Each of us has 2 bedrooms but I can't swap mine over due to certain work equipment which only fits in the other room. Maybe I could suggest she swaps hers over?

You don't really think that would be ok, do you?

Maybe the angle to go down is next time she mentions he's moving in to say: you may not be aware but thought I ought to let you know I can hear EVERYTHING through your bedroom wall - my bedroom is next to yours.

And hope she's embarrassed enough to insulate for sounds

I totally feel your pain. I feel like I live with my neighbour too. Is just the bedroom you have joined or is it other rooms? I can hear everything from lights being switched on to coughing etc and of course anything louder. It puts you on edge constantly. I have put notes through the door and knocked a few times. Its tiring being kept awake and also being woken up and it has an effect over time. I would just mention it as a matter of fact next time you see her. Say you are really embarrassed to say anything at all and grumble about the terrible walls rather than laying blame on her. You could also have a loud telephone conversation or two when you know she is in the room so she hears it? Is there no way at all you can swap your bedroom around? Id be so tempted to try and make that work for a peaceful sleep.

@IwishIdidntlikesugar sorry to hear you're having the same trouble! It's literally just our bedrooms that are attached. And the way the rooms are configured, her bed must be 6 inches behind mine. So we're head to head if you see what I mean.

Good idea about making a bit of noise in the next few weeks so she realises herself how the sound travels. You'd think knowing your middle-aged neighbour could hear you would be a massive turn-off!

You really can't ask her to move her house around. Well you can but it would be pretty bizarre.

@rockingbird just wanted to point out to you that many of the slatted wall panels that you rightly say are quite trendy at the moment are more about controlling acoustics than soundproofing per se- those are two different things with different approaches. You may well end up doing very little (if anything) to reduce the noise actual transmission levels with those type of panels.

To the OP the one thing I’d say is to make sure whoever you get to do the job, truly knows their stuff and looks at the problem holistically- often noise leakage can be from unexpected paths, and you mention the walls of your building are fairly sturdy so simply beefing up the wall might not on its own do the job. A semi detached house I lived in was particularly bad in one of the downstairs rooms. Turns out the walls were actually fine, sound was travelling across in the sub floor cavity ( ie the bit underneath the floorboards) and you could see gaping holes leading to the same space in next doors house when we lifted the boards and shone a torch.

So make sure that any contractor considers these kind of paths for the sound too is all I’m saying.

@Lonelycrab that's very helpful thanks. The last thing I want to do is spend money, make mess and not even solve the problem!

Yes, we are both on the top floor and the floorboards are a bit gappy so noise could be travelling that way as well.

Maybe I should just start taking a valium every night!

If you can, move your bed so it's not on the other side of where hers is. I had soundproofing fitted in a previous home, it did muffle it but not remove it completely. I'd say floor to ceiling wardrobes or bookshelves would help a lot- and ear plugs or a white noise machine.
I think it's unfair to expect your neighbour to rearrange her house and actually to change her sex life too- if they're just having sex in their bedroom. I think the onus is on you to find solutions

We are having a lot of work done to our house and on many of the walls we have had extra layer of soundproof insulation put up - mainly because they are uneven walls on an old house.

They screwed battens to the wall, then thick layers of insulation are fixed in between and then a layer of plasterboard is put on to hold it all in place. This is then plastered over and painted.

If you are handy you could do most of this yourself, it took our builders a day to do plus a few days for the final plaster layer to dry. It takes about three inches off the width of the room.

It would probably not be complete sound proof but if it stopped the noise waking you that would be a result.

We did soundproofing plasterboards in a very old house, worked well to muffle.

You don't need to speak to her! She hasn't made any excessive noise. You can try soundproofing but it's not always effective. As far as I'm aware you should soundproof the whole room otherwise it doesn't work as the sound just travels. Earplugs would be much cheaper. Or move rooms which is an option, not her fault you have large work equipment. You can't expect your neighbour to have sex in total silence and your idea to embarrass her into it is pretty awful actually.