Sound sensitive toddler DD - sign of ASD?

[SENDCHELP]

I have an almost 6yo dd who is autistic. Noticed fairly early on as she pretty neutral over everything, didn’t interact with toys etc poor eye contact and a lot of sensory issues. Fobbed off until she started reception and then she was referred. It’s been a tough battle with her, she didn’t sleep beyond 4-6 hours a night until we introduced melatonin and has always been very high needs. Toddler DD has recently turned two and despite being convinced she was neurotypical (plays with toys, reacts to the Tv, holds eye contact, all the things dd5 never did really!) the past 3 months I’ve started to notice things that are making me unbearably anxious.

Absolutely kicking off as soon as we turn onto the road her nursery is on. screaming, crying, has to be pulled from me and carried off. When I go to pick her up I can hear her crying from outside. They say she doesn’t cry during the day so I’m just catching the two moments she is. This reminds me so much of dD5 although this continued until she was 5 (we moved her schools a few months ago and she’s been much better).

quite bad sound sensitivity. Cries at loud noises, covers her ears and rocks back and forward. Sometimes digs her fists into her eyes. I’ve picked her up some ear defenders now so hoping that helps.

hates touching messy things. Won’t touch food if it’s ‘wet’, is basically living off chips and dried fruit snacks 😔

very set in her ways. I tried to switch her to a duvet a few weeks ago and she screamed and threw herself around until I got her sleeping bag back out. Won’t use other water bottles other than her own. Raincoat = wellies and no other shoes etc. This reminds me of older dd who has a set of rules for absolutely everything and it cannot be deviated from.

I think there’s more but can’t think right now. I know it doesn’t change anything even if she is, but god the whole process is just so tough. I am not at all at the place of being a confident/strong SEN parent and feel like I’m a failure a lot 😞 is this something worth flagging to the health visitor of just seeing how things go? I’m probably over cautious because of previous experiences and these are just regular toddler behaviours?

I have to say I think there may be signs. The raincoat and wellies one ( with the dry food) stick out for me. What do nursery say ?

@SENDCHELP I understand your post so much and could have written it 4 years ago. My DS2 recently had an ADHD assessment and they flagged likely ASD. I have been so nervous about this as I had thought he was NT. He’s now 9 and doesn’t have as many challenges as DS1 and he’s coping ok in mainstream school in the main.

I have a few other thoughts which I will post in a minute, but in the meantime just wanted to send an unMN hug and all my support, as I know how hard these fears are.

Two thoughts, on the emotional side, I found it took me several years to grieve the situation and move to accepting it, and that was just with my oldest’s needs. I have found a book very helpful - it’s called emotional wellbeing in parent carers and is by Dr Joanna Griffin, who is an HCP and has a SEND child. Practical and supportive and made me feel much less alone.

On the practical side, have you run through the MCHAT for dd2? It might help clarify what you might do on next steps just to see where she scores on it.

@Neurodiversitydoctor Thanks so much for your response. nursery haven’t flagged anything however she only attends two days a week and has missed quite a lot due to sickness. I’m planning to mention it on Monday and see if they can keep an eye.

@Foxhasbigsocks thank you so much for that, I will definitely check out that book! I’ve just done the MCHAT and she scored high risk (8) so definitely going to start the process. Just beyond heartbroken for her and hope she doesn’t struggle as much as dd5 😔 I know it’s not a definite. I think a lot of the stuff on the MCHAT she may be two young for (wishful thinking?!) such as pointing, or looking at something I’m looking at. Or maybe not? I haven’t got a neurotypical child to compare to I guess! Thanks so much again for the response. It does feel like a very lonely world sometimes so nice to get some support x

If she's sensitive to noise nursery might be awful for her. Could you look at a smaller setting?

Agree re signs. You could ask hv to observe her? Or nursery senco if she stays there.

@SENDCHELP

There is a lot of sensory, emotional dysregulation and routine/fixation going on there. I would want her referred assp.

@imforeverblowingbuttons in really hoping she can go to the same childminder my daughter goes to for wraparound, but just waiting for her to have availability. I wish I could pull her out really! I may just start looking at other childminders in the area too. I think you’re right, it’s quite a large nursery too.

@buswankerz thanks for your response, I’m definitely going to put the wheels in motion on Monday 😔

Op I think you are being very brave getting her referred. My kids never really pointed at age 2 either but apparently it’s usually in place by age 1. Who knew?! again looking where I’m looking neither of mine really did, but I think it’s usual to do it by age 2.

Both mine at 11 and 9 are in mainstream and have friends. Every child is on their own journey but they can develop so much as they get older. Please know that you are not alone and you have done a fantastic job to spot and raise this.

Op I think you are being very brave getting her referred. My kids never really pointed at age 2 either but apparently it’s usually in place by age 1. Who knew?! again looking where I’m looking neither of mine really did, but I think it’s usual to do it by age 2.

Both mine at 11 and 9 are in mainstream and have friends. Every child is on their own journey but they can develop so much as they get older. Please know that you are not alone and you have done a fantastic job to spot and raise this.

Also just to say this time you know what you are doing. If you think asd start now. You could realistically have a diagnosis by reception. (It's a shorter wait list for toddlers and imo a less stressful experience as you are driving it rather than school)

Also on the plus side you are in a school that works for your older child so there's a good chance it will work well for your other dc.

With your first you were learning on your feet now you are experienced and can set the ball rolling.

I'd do mchat online and see how she scores. I'd ask hv to assess explain concerns and ask for referral to paediatrician who can do a pathway referral.