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Constantly thinking about my age (47)

9 replies

GauntJudy · 12/04/2024 23:51

I'm 47 and find myself dwelling on my age all the time.

I'm really aware that my parents could die soon, despite them being in fairly good health, every time I say bye to them I worry that it might be the last time.

I'm single and not been in a relationship for 10 years. I recently had a crush on someone, then realised they are probably only about 40yo and probably perceive me as an old woman. It made me sad to have that realisation. I want to be fancied and desired.

I have a primary age child. I see his classmate's mums become pregnant, many are 20 or 10 years younger than me. Again I feel like I must look ancient alongside them.

I've reached the top of my extremely average career. For years I've wondered what job I could do and now feel like retraining would be a pointless undertaking as any employer would be taking on a pension liability with me. I'm one of the oldest people at work, and working with bright young things just makes me feel even more aged.

My hot flushes have become unbearable. They hit me every couple of hours. So I'm physically aware that I'm ageing by the day.

I joined a gym at the start of the year. I feel like it's my last hurrah to try to stay somewhat youthful, which is a positive move I'd say, yet its motivated by this all encompassing awareness of my age.

Overall everything I do and perceive is through this lens of feeling old.

So sorry if I've offended anyone, I know some amazing older women who rock. I just feel lost and somewhat scared.

OP posts:
custardlover · 12/04/2024 23:55

I'm a similar age and have a primary school aged child too. I understand. It's such a weird feeling.

What do you enjoy?
What's getting better in your life as you age?

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 13/04/2024 00:03

I feel ancient too, like it's all over for me. I am not in great shape now and can improve but within the limits of middle age. I can't even imagine someone finding me physically attractive or having a flirtation. I'm married so I'm not in that game anyhow, I imagine there is more pressure when single. I genuinely find it depressing sometimes.

GauntJudy · 13/04/2024 00:04

Hmm I'm not sure what I enjoy @custardlover - I started reading again (didn't get much chance when DS was little), I enjoy the gym as it's a bit of time out of the house doing something for me (single parent so I don't get much scope for things just for me), I have some brilliant friends and when I get the chance for a decent chat with them I feel like life is good.

The positives of ageing have been better self awareness, being kinder, feeling less apologetic about being me.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2024 00:06

Get yourself to a peri-menopause/menopause clinic, get on HRT. You need it.

GauntJudy · 13/04/2024 00:07

Yes @Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong the feeling like it's all over for me - that is what feels scary. Like essentially my efforts are pointless and most things are just useless distractions from my decline.

Urgh. Sorry to be joyless x

OP posts:
GauntJudy · 13/04/2024 00:09

Yeah I need something for the hot flushes @Aquamarine1029, do you think it will help my outlook too?

OP posts:
Mudflaps · 13/04/2024 00:16

Sounds like peri menopause has hit you, get to an understanding gp and start replacing the hormones you need. And you're not to old to retrain, my dh decided to completely change career during covid, he was self employed for decades but wanted something different so he studied, got the qualifications needed to start again, took a few months to get a graduate position but is absolutely flying in his new career, he was headhunted a few weeks ago which gave him such a boost, he's 56 so you're young in comparison.

CulturalNomad · 13/04/2024 00:18

I am older than you but I do get where you're coming from.

Do you remember that Hugo quote?: "Forty is the old age of youth; Fifty is the youth of old age".

I have no words of wisdom for you, but I can tell you that while I'm no longer young I am quietly content and very comfortable in my skin. I am quite happy. I remember my late 40's as being " neither here nor there", if you know what I mean. I think you're in a transitional stage and it can feel unsettling.

Find something to feel passionate about again. Don't dwell too much on trying to stay young (SPOILER...you can't
😂). Figure out what brings you happiness and start weeding out the things - and people- that don't. You have a lot of happiness ahead of you!

Sonolanona · 13/04/2024 00:22

I think the 4th decade is a weird one.
Your youth has well and truly gone, menopause looms and you become invisible to the world.
But give it another few years and over the 50 hump, and actually it improves.
I'm 56, and the last few years have been much better. Job.. meh, I get through the day and do what is needed and no more. My body is a downhill slope, and I am never going to the gym, but I got a dog and an allotment and the two keep me active every day, with the side bonus of lots of casual interaction with other dog owners and allotment folk.

I started working with a new colleague recently...and she's younger than my youngest child!! That was a bit of a moment!! But I love her enthusiasm when mine has waned :)

You need something for you that is JUST for you, not for fitness, or anyone's benefit, but something that makes you feel at peace ; for me it's planting and digging and swearing at slugs!

And yes...HRT... I hit the menopause at 47 and felt so low, tired, pointless. (plus I wanted to murder my dh!) A few patches later and I was back to normal.

Life isn't over, but you have to find the next you.

My new me, cares a lot less about other people's opinions, but most about my family and my ME time... blissfuly selfish!

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