I'm 47 and find myself dwelling on my age all the time.
I'm really aware that my parents could die soon, despite them being in fairly good health, every time I say bye to them I worry that it might be the last time.
I'm single and not been in a relationship for 10 years. I recently had a crush on someone, then realised they are probably only about 40yo and probably perceive me as an old woman. It made me sad to have that realisation. I want to be fancied and desired.
I have a primary age child. I see his classmate's mums become pregnant, many are 20 or 10 years younger than me. Again I feel like I must look ancient alongside them.
I've reached the top of my extremely average career. For years I've wondered what job I could do and now feel like retraining would be a pointless undertaking as any employer would be taking on a pension liability with me. I'm one of the oldest people at work, and working with bright young things just makes me feel even more aged.
My hot flushes have become unbearable. They hit me every couple of hours. So I'm physically aware that I'm ageing by the day.
I joined a gym at the start of the year. I feel like it's my last hurrah to try to stay somewhat youthful, which is a positive move I'd say, yet its motivated by this all encompassing awareness of my age.
Overall everything I do and perceive is through this lens of feeling old.
So sorry if I've offended anyone, I know some amazing older women who rock. I just feel lost and somewhat scared.