Could really use some advice, any!
Dad's 70th is coming up.
My Mum will be away for it-she goes to the USA once or twice a year.
There's only me to my Mum and Dad. I have a half sister (my Mum's) and she has a DH and two adult children, 20 years ish younger than me (20 year age gap with me and her). We all live close to one another, few minutes walk, I live on my own.
Me and my Dad have a chequered history. As an adult he has had some really angry outbursts at me over the years. I think he's depressed and has a real anger problem. My Mum and Dad have been married 40+ years. I have always tried to maintain a level of civility toward him although when he's become angry, in the past ten years or so, I have always removed myself from the situation.
I have spent some time with him in recent years, we've gone for dinner or to the local pub for drinks, some days out and we see one another at family/friend gatherings which my parents have quite often. It's been okay, but given what he is like and has always been like with me it wasn't ever going to be an enjoyable, loving father-daughter situation.
About 5 months ago I noticed a shift. I'd visit and my Mum would usher me out of the sitting room and me and her would have to go to a different room. He'd blank me whenever I visited, didn't speak to me at all in the few mins we were in the same room. Me and my DP-same, he'd ignore us and we'd just talk to my Mum. I asked my Mum why and she has told me that he's told her that he's 'heartbroken' about how mine and his relationship is-he told her this when she told him he was depressed and needed help. He said he's 'Distanced himself from me to protect himself'.
I feel a bit, 'What did he expect to happen?!' given the way he is with me-he can't expect me to be very close to him? He was physically and emotionally abusive and just always so ANGRY! While I was growing up.
Anyway, back to the 70th as well as my Mum being away, my Sister and husb (whom my Dad gets on well with) are away the weekend either side.
It falls on a week day which isn't ideal.
I messaged my half-sister to ask what to do, she said she'd nip and see him and get him a card and her children/husb would too. I'd like for us to all go around together but I don't think that'll be possible. I'll be at work until the evening, my nephew also might be working and unable to do that anyway. I asked if we should do something at the weekend for him but she told me she's away both adjoining weekends.
I asked my Mum what I should do and she said 'Just post him a card' but I feel that's just not the right thing to do. He went through a phase a year or so ago of coming to the local pub with me-maybe I could invite him to do that? Offer to take him out for a meal? Despite what he's like I feel I should do something-and it doesn't look as if anyone else is or can-I just don't know what to do?
He doesn't know that my Mum's told me what he's said about him distancing himself from me. I could sort of pretend I haven't noticed and just send him a breezy text msg asking if he wants to go out for dinner and some drinks or something?
I just don't feel right about this whole situation! I've probably left information out but this is so long as it is.
TIA.