We have 1DC aged 3.9, who has recently been having nightmares and waking up numerous times each night crying out. Prior to that he's had 2 bad colds / coughs this Winter/Spring which have also resulted in wake ups. I work p-t when DS is at nursery and I wfh. DH works long stressful job face to face so the agreement is that I do night wake ups during the week.
The reality is I do all of them all the time as husband just will not wake up ever. He would sleep through a tornado whereas I am hyper vigilant and wake wide up as soon as DS coughs once. (I obviously don't go in straight away).
Anyway last 2 nights have been terrible and I've ended up getting 2 hours sleep between 4-6 am both nights. This morning I felt terrible, and am also PMT so felt very fragile. 3yo was overtired and cranky lashing out at me over little things so it was not a nice start to the day. DH was not proactive and lay in bed longer than we normally do, (to be fair we were all 3 of us in bed but considering he'd slept all night I thought he could have made a start) didn't offer to make coffee (I made it for us) etc. When I told DH about my dreadful night and how awful I felt he said I should get earplugs!! He refuses to offer me any sympathy, offer to make me coffee or an another kind gesture I'd appreciate and I feel instead is telling me I'm handling it all wrong! All I want is support while we go through this tricky phase.
Instead he refuses to offer sympathy as he essentially feels I'm being a martyr (my word not his) and that I should just get earplugs. When I pointed out I'm not leaving DS to cry by himself, DH suggested putting the monitor next to his pillow so that he wakes up next time, but I know he will not! History tells me otherwise, when we've tried it! He stays asleep and I have to prod and shake him. He's usually obstructive when woken at night too - never remembers his behaviour in the morning but when half asleep has been known to refuse to go in to DS. When he does go he always goes off to the toilet first before seeing to DS by which time DS is hysterical and I have to go in.
I'm overly tired and angry so just venting really. When I've regulated myself I am going to tell him what I want - support not criticism. Kindness in the morning. I'm happy to do all the wake ups and I don't blame my son, love him to bits and it's my job to care for him, but I do think husband could by extension be a little more kind towards me in return?