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Original poster

Felt a bit degraded but it might have been my own fault

35 replies

Laurilu · 08/04/2024 20:13

I’m not quite sure what to make of this, but I also know that I might have sent the wrong messages here and confused him. This might be a big graphic so apologies. It’s early days really. We did get intimate at the weekend and we had discussed some aspects and gos/ no gos before and that was all good. Because it’s early days we agreed on him using a condom during sex though I am ok with oral finishing. It all went well but he did pull out finish in my mouth but it was rather rough and not at all what I had expected or experienced before. I know that he didn’t do anything wrong because I had given permission but I felt quite out of control and not good at the moment. I’m just wondering if someone has come across this before or if I’m being precious. I think I’m quite an open person but I don’t like to be treated roughly without prior discussion. I did tell him after and he apologised but seemed confused, so now I am confused too.

OP posts:
YeahComeOnThen · 08/04/2024 22:56

fourelementary · 08/04/2024 20:22

Without being completely gross, I can’t really think of a “nice” and “gentle” way in which to finish like this anyway tbh - that whole act the finishing that way is usually pretty rougher on the scale of love making versus fucking tbh. So unless he yanked her hair and slapped her face… which the OP didn’t say, I stand by it. Agreeing to that would mean I wasn’t expecting a romantic encounter.

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@fourelementary

I'm sorry that your experience leads you to believe oral sex is inevitably rough.

@Laurilu

if it's rough (and you don't like it) just stop!

I have an Ex who thought he could control the action. It took a couple of 'Don't do that' & me stopping for him to understand I was serious, when I said 'Don't do that'

I can't stand my head being held or moved, just NO I'm in control, if you don't like it, feel free to go do your own thing!!

Tempnamechng · 08/04/2024 23:11

@fourelementary fair enough.

whywonttheyeattheirfood · 08/04/2024 23:23

Yuck. These men need a woman to ram a banana repeatedly down their throat to see how it feels. Then ignore them when they're starting to choke of course. And don't forget the obligatory hair pulling.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 08/04/2024 23:24

Trust is everything in an intimate relationship. A decent, trustworthy man will err on the side of gentleness with a woman unless and until she intimates she wants something different. Even then, a truly decent man couldn't be rough sexually with a woman even if she was up for that. You've come out of this experience unsure that you can trust him. Trust your gut, it's almost certainly right.

Mmhmmn · 08/04/2024 23:34

Spinet · 08/04/2024 20:51

If it's changed your feelings about him, you don't have to push through it. You don't have to have sex with him ever again if you don't actively want to. If you enjoy having men 'finish' in your mouth that's up to you but if you're doing it because you think they like it or as some kind of consolation for having to wear a condom, I'd have a think about why it made you feel degraded and if you actually want to do that again. I know it's easy to feel like you ought to please a man sexually to make him like you but you don't have to.

This 100%. It’s a red flag to me personally. Any man wanting to be rough with you if you haven’t expressly said you like that or want that .. can fuck. right. off.

Pallisers · 08/04/2024 23:35

Some of these replies! depressing

If you say it is ok for a man to finish in your mouth you have said goodbye to anything "romantic" and have consented to something rough - but that's ok as long as it is rather rough and not very rough.

Sexual manners are a laughing matter - even a "I've heard it all now" Jesus. how grim is that.

Tell you what OP, I wouldn't bother wasting much more time deconstructing this. Sex with him made you feel degraded. say goodbye and move on.

LittlePudding1 · 08/04/2024 23:36

Having someone finish in your mouth is a totally different experience to having someone fucking your face to finish.

It does sound like a miscommunication and if you like him, maybe give him the benefit the doubt this once but set some clear boundaries and if he doesn't get that then he is not the man for you!

TeenLifeMum · 08/04/2024 23:42

When a man’s cock is in my mouth, I’m always in charge. No holding my head and forcing it. Very unsexy/porn film style is a massive nope for me.

StarlightLady · 09/04/2024 05:18

fourelementary · 08/04/2024 20:22

Without being completely gross, I can’t really think of a “nice” and “gentle” way in which to finish like this anyway tbh - that whole act the finishing that way is usually pretty rougher on the scale of love making versus fucking tbh. So unless he yanked her hair and slapped her face… which the OP didn’t say, I stand by it. Agreeing to that would mean I wasn’t expecting a romantic encounter.

Show quote history

Gentle is certainly possible. I’m happy to swallow and l’ve been in passionate situations with quite a few men where they have entered my mouth (with consent) and done no more than stroke my hair, stroke my back or hold my hand and going all the way to completion. Very different from head holding and uncomfortably thrusting.

Consent can be withdrawn at any time, it is not continuous.

In the words of my late mother to my teenage self “if something isn’t making you feel nice, stop doing it”.

newtlover · 09/04/2024 12:52

I feel the idea of discussing someone being allowed to ejaculate into your mouth and then thinking they had bad manners to then not do that nicely was just actually so bizarre…
well, this is actually so bizarre IMO
EVERYTHING can and should be done 'nicely' as the PP put it, or as I would put it, with respect
I certainly wouldn't think I had to qualify any act I was giving advance consent to with 'and don't do that roughly or in a degrading or humiliating way'
OP just save yourself a lot of grief and get rid of this man. As some have said if he's like this now imagine what he might be like in 6 months time.

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